Has anyone suddenly/unexpectedly lost their partner?

[lostwithouthim]

My partner of 8 yrs and I were in a tragic car accident in Sept. and he was killed instantly. I have yet to meet anyone that has experienced a similar/sudden death of their partner and feel very alone. I appreciate the support offered by those in hetero relationships, but it simply isn't the same. There are so many ways I am treated differently because my 'spouse' was another man. I feel that if I were a woman in a relationship with a man I would be treated SO differently. It seems that so many people expect that 4 months later I should be 'moving on' ...they're 'glad to see that I'm doing so well' etc... What they don't know is that I've only begun to comprehend how this is going to change the rest of my life. We had so many plans and dreams and he was not supposed to die so young! If you have experienced a similar death of your partner...please share you stories...I need to hear them!

[havefaith]

Gosh I am so very sorry for your horrible loss. I don't care if you are gay or straight, this is just so much for you to handle and my heart goes out to you.

 

I cannot even relate to your situation at all, and I hope this isn't insensitive, but I want to encourage you to go see the movie "P.S. I love you". I know it is just a dumb movie but it's one of the more powerful films I have seen and it's about the death of a partner. I see you are reaching out looking for comradery and I feel like this moving film might provide some sort of consolation or feeling that this has happened others before you...

 

Please take care of yourself and take it one day at a time... and try to remember what your loving partner would have wanted for you.

[havefaith]

Oh yeah and take as much time as you need to deal with the pain - no one can put you on a timeline for this! Don't feel pressured to move on if you just aren't ready.

[chocolates]

I know this isnt the same thing but i lost both my parents recently, and i just want to say that "people" around you just dont realise that grief isnt over in 4 months until it happens to them.

 

As an example, my father died April 06. December 06, and a friend tells me that another"friend" was scoffing at the fact that I was still grieving

 

They just dont know

I think that its more to do with that than whether you are gay or straight.

 

As Ive lost both parents, I have gone through the death/ funeral/ aftermath twice, with a short interval of a year inbetween.

 

The fact is, that people around you just get on with their lives. AND within DAYS of the funeral.

 

Its just a sad fact of life. A lot of the time, people dont feel comfortable asking how you are because they think they will be "dredging it up".

 

I think you need to tell people how you feel.

[Angel_baby]

I am so sorry for your loss and just as Havefaith said above, take as much time as you need to grieve. Don't try to lock it up and move on when you are not ready.

I remember when I lost a friend in an auto wreak and how shocking and quick it all is. I can't begin to imagine your pain.

[chocolates]

Another thing, someone gave me a book called "A time to Grieve"

 

on each page are short "thoughts" - answers to questions that you might have about what you are going thru - regrets etc.

 

its actually steered towards the death of a partner than any other death.

take a look at it.

 

the most important thing i got from the book was about the fact that crying will never actually kill you (even tho it feels like it will) It makes it better. And each cry is getting you closer to healing.

 

Another thing is that I dont think anyone ever gets over a death of someone close to them

 

I kind of learnt that its like this "thing" that is there, and you just live with it being there.

[LilStud86]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain of losing your partner. I don't know of anyone with that experience, but this is a good place if you just need someone to talk to