Jump to content

should I contact the ex after 1 contact the past month?

Recommended Posts

Hey, thanks for reading?

I have a question. My ex girlfriend broke up with me almost 3 months ago and she has been dating this guy since the first week we broke up.Needless to say I was hurt by this that she moved on so quickly after our 2.5 year relationship and the fact we were living together for 2 of those years.

I've been doing my best for the no contact thing for the past 1.5 months as I have only seen here once and spoke to her once in that time. It's hard but gets easier as the days go by. The thing is that I still love my ex and would do anything to get back with her.I thought we were going to be together forever. I mean we had our ups and downs but she did truly love me and she was the one that wanted to get married and have my children and stuff.But I was the one that was scared. I didn't love her to the fullest when we were together and I took her for granted that she would always be there.Like they say, "You don't realize what you had until it's gone"

For the first 1.5 months of our break up I was the one doing the begging and pleading to get her back and obviously didn't work and only pushed her away further, so the past 1.5 months I have not been contacting her much and the 1-2 times that I did, I acted all happy and stuff. I have been dating this new girl as well the last month but still think of the ex all the time when I'm with her. I'm a pretty social and decent looking guy and have no problems meeting or dating women but deep down I still love the ex.

So what should I do? Not contact her at all ever or for a long while anyways or should I send her a nice e-mail just saying Hi.? Just to let her know I'm still living. Because deep down I still think she has some feeling for me still as we were together for 2.5 years and lived together 2 and were like a married couple.She even used my last name for certain things. Her birthday is also coming up at the end of the month, so should I send her a nice friendly e-mail sometime soon or send her a e-card for her birthday and do nothing? I'm not really sure what I should, I mean this is a girl that I realized how much I love her after the break-up and would want to marry and I would hate to just give up hope of being with her again sometime in the future..But the thing is that she is still dating that same guy since the break up I think..Rebound relationship obviously but still sucks.

What should I do?

Thanks for reading...

Link to comment

For her birthday, send her an e-card - nice, simple, doesn't reek of effort and tells her you remembered. After that, drop it. I know this is going to sound really harsh, but if she wanted to be with you she would - that's it. Its not healthy for you to continue on like this, even if in hindsight you know she's the one. If she really was it for you, you would have treated her better at the time - seriously you would have.

Link to comment

Yeah maybe you're right dragon26.. But the thing is should you just let the girl you love so much just slip away like that? I understand what you mean but I just don't wanna regret it later on. Granted she has moved on (I think anyways) but she seems so right for me but never showed it to her enough unfortunetly.I did mind you but not as much as I should of. Thinking about things the last 3 months made me realize what she meant to me. Should I seriously just forget about it...

Link to comment

Dude this reeks of the old saying "You don't know what you have till it is gone".


Sorry but I have to agree with Dragon on this one. You have to leave this woman alone because everytime you contact her in any way you push her further away.

STOP CALLING, EMAILING, TXTING, AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU ARE DOING. Give her time to see what life is like with out you, if it was meant to be she will be back. Just stop what you are doing and start doing things for yourself.

I am in the same boat with the ex and living together for 2 years and her getting into another relationship the day after I left. I can totally understand how it is bothering you but, you have to let go. Move on and get back to what is important in life YOU! If she was so great for you then why are you the one crying over her? She is over you and don't forget that one. She left and probally will not come back. SORRY! Remember that there are a lot of females in the world that will love to be with you but, you have to take sometime for you. Learn what you want in life and what dreams you have/want(besides your ex). Once you figure you out that again then you are ready for your next relationship. I would say when you least expect it you will find the love of your life. Till then take some time for you and hang with friends, workout, do things you like to do. Have fun because you have the rest of you life to be in a relationship/marriage. Take your time and enjoy yourself.


That is my two cents. I am sorry about being so upfront and honest. I think it is what you need right now. remember I am in the same boat as you and I feel your pain but, I was able to separate myself from her and I don't want to see her ever again.


PM if you need advise I would love to help out someone who got screwed over by their ex like I did.


Hope this helps and sorry about the lenght of this post.


Link to comment

everytime you contact her, you push her further away. not only that, but if you call her, email, whatever she's just going to know she's still got you on a rope. she'll know that she has you where she wants you while she has this other guy too. nice for her, huh? but crummy for you. get angry, cause it's messed up what she's doing. the more you walk around with some anger inside, the more you'll start to realize that what she's doing is messed up. not only that, but the next time you talk to her you won't be so overly nice to her. she'll find that attractive i guarantee. the more you pursue her, the more she'll back away. the less you pursue her, the less she'll back away and might in fact pursue you a little. let her come to you. don't worry about her slipping away, cause if she truly cares about you then she won't let things slip away. if things do, then you'll know she's not the one. good luck.

Link to comment

I agree with what both of you have said. Honestly the past month and a half I haven't called or e-mailed her or anything, I just let her be but ZI guess I'm just scared that she;ll forget about me totally. But I don't think I'll send her any e-mails or anything, thanks for talking me into it. Should I at least send her a nice friendly e-card for her birthday and the end of this month?

Link to comment

The trick here is not to do things that will be good for HER, but things that will be good for YOU. All of the advice given so far is that you should not show any kind of regret for what has happened in the past. And that is true. What I don't agree with is that they are saying you have to pretend that you don't care about her. If you are still trying to get back with her at this point, its not a good time to jump back into seeing her. They other posts are correct, that if you try to pursue, she will back away more.


I am in a similar situation with my ex right now. I found a book that her Dad has been looking for for about 4 months, since before we broke up. I found it and bought it, but now I don't know what to do with it.


From what you have said, I'd say that now is not the right time to be trying to see her. The card for her birthday isn't so much a problem, as it doesn't really begin face to face contact, just a friendly thing to do. You sound like a friendly guy, so its fine to be yourself. But don't send a card expecting/hoping for a response from her. If you send her something expecting a response, then you are giving away all the control you have. If you get the response you are looking for, great, but thats not likely to happen. If you get the opposite of what you are looking for, then you will probably take several steps back in your recovery process. Until her response doens't matter to you, you should avoid contact.


Similar to the situation with the book for my ex's Dad. Her reaction will have a serious effect on my state. If she rejects the book, then I'll be crushed, so I know that its not the right time to call her about that book. I will call her once I have moved a bit more past the emotional part of the breakup. When her reaction won't have as much effect on me.


Good luck and Best Wishes


Link to comment

Dragon makes an excellent point: if she was really "The One," you probably would have treated her differently. Ex's always seem greater when you miss them; your emotions make you think you lost something wonderful, and all you can remember is the good times and the good feelings. Once you've gotten over it, you look back and realize you're better off. I'm not saying I'm 100% certain that's the case here, but it's the typical scenario.


That said, a simple friendly birthday email is pretty benign and it's considered simple good manners. She'll know you remembered and you still exist, but she won't feel crowded.



Link to comment

Yeah I agree. Maybe just the nice e-card for her birthday just to be friendly.

The weird thing is that this week my ex is going out for a dinner and a movie with my sister. The ex called my sister last week to do something.My sister was shocked when she called but agreed to go because they were good friends when we were going out, especially considering the age difference.My ex is 24 my sister is 34.

Just trying to forget her is a difficult thing.I mean I sent her parents a letter 2 months ago just to say hi and stuff then her Mom sent me a letter back about a month ago saying how much she loved me and missed me and that it's too bad that I never showed her daughter truly how much I loved her. And then on Sunday her sisters husband called me because he needed help with his Sattelite dish illegal card that I set up for him, and that was the first time I talked to him since the break up..3 months ago..

So the family stuff makes it difficult as well..

Link to comment

this is a tough situation. I totally understand. My ex and I broke up a few months ago and then she started seeing someone else. I am still crazy about her and have been depressed thinking about it until I told myself to stop. I email her mom everyday and her parents really like me too. It makes it very difficult. My advice is the same you have heard. "If you love something, let it go and it comes back it is yours, if not then it never was." Easier said then done but I am doing the same thing. Hang in there.

Link to comment

Thanks njc17... I know what you mean.. It's tough when you really like their family as well.. Heck my parents really miss her too. The ex used to stop by my parents place more than I when we were going out as she worked only a couple of blocks away from them. she would always stop by for 30 mins or so before work.

I guess I deserve it though really... When we were going out I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have. Don't get me wrong, I was never really mean to her and I loved her but didn't show it as much as she showed it to me. She would do anything for me then.She put me first in everything and I didn't ..unfortunetly...

Link to comment

Just got a call from the ex 2 minutes ago... Well.. I guess I should give up...We've been broken up for 3 months and she's dating this new guy since the week after and tells me she is basically living at his place 5 days a week or so and wants to pick up the rest of her stuff from the apartment next week. Why did she call me? I mean all she talked about was her new boyfriend..like honestly i don't wanna hear that.. And the weird thing is that she is still going out for dinner and movie with my sister on thursday?? Man it hurts.....talking all happy about her new boyfriend..grr

Link to comment

Well, it sounds like maybe she called to get her stuff.


You might need to tell her that you don't want to hear about her new boyfriend, but if she's happy with him, you probably won't be hearing much from her at all anymore


Just move on, man. Most of us have been there, and it does get better.

Link to comment

Yeah I guess. She's stopping by soemtime next week to get the rest of her stuff. It just hurts knowing she is in a relationship so soon after our break up and basically living with him now?..Like a week after a 2.5 year relationship is kind of quick..But oh well.. I guess I'm a sucker..

I just find it hard how she can throw away all the love she had for me in one week...?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...