why is my gf so anti-girly??

[emailas]

Hi iam brazilian. My 2 cents worth...

 

Firstly, regardless of why your gf may not get "prettied up", she is comfortable enough to be herself in public and that is great...it's a pity you can't see that.

 

Secondly, there are incredibly insecure women out there who spend hours getting prettied up to get more attention..why don't we worry about the well-being of THESE women.

 

I am sorry, i think this thread says more about you than your gf. As YOU said:

1) you are not attracted to her physically 2)that you love some parts of this girl and some parts you don't 3) you look at other women thinking you could be with someone like them??!

 

I was once with someone like that - and his last words to me was I love you, but I want the "girlie you". Obviously we broke up- and you know what happened, I found the confidence to be the girly me...because the subtle yet constantly pushy hints like perfume, dresses etc. eroded my self-esteem.

 

In effect, I always felt like he I was never good enough when I was with him. This was confirmed by things he said like " you would be so much prettier, if you dressed up" and the fact that i knew he was checking other girls out when i wasn't looking. If I had known what he though/felt, I'd had left him instead of vice-versa, because it is unfair when you try to make the person you love be someone they're not. You expect that at the very least from your friends, so how can you not from someone you're intimate with?

 

I would hate to be with someone who thought that about me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and this girl. Love her as she is..the good and the bad, or do both yourselves a favour and move on so you can both find other people who love you just the way you are.

[SapphireNoir10]

You should love her for who she is. As long as she doesnt smell, cleans her teeth, brushes her hair and looks after herself basically there shouldnt be a problem. Make up is a mask, thats not the real her. And if your not attracted to her what is there that she can do to make you attracted? Cover up her TRUE looks with makeup? Wear clothes that please you?

 

My fiance always says he doesnt like it when I wear loads of makeup, he always says i look nice when I make an effort to dress up but when im barefaced and my hairs horrific he says im gorgeous.

 

Maybe shes not the right girl for you if your not attracted to her.

[yeawutever]

I don't like wearing too much make-up either nor using nail colors. Yes I guess you can saw she's just unelaborated.

[teknoise]

but the problem is that I want HER!

 

Her personality (well, not all of it lol...), her humor, the way we conncect, the way we hang out, the way "we are"...I know that was cheesy...

 

what the hell, it seems like I love parts of this girl, and other parts I don't...but maybe love > not so much like then?

 

All that sounds wonderful, but is it really enough? Not having enough of a physical and sexual attraction doesn't make much of a relationship - all you have is a friendship. What you are doing is in effect 'settling'. Instead of continuing to pursue a woman who is both physically, mentally, and emotionally fulfilling, you are settling with a girl who is only emotionally and mentally fulfilling.

 

This is not being shallow, this is the very science of attraction.

 

I'm not saying dump her for some plastic Barbie Girl. What I am saying is think about how important physical and sexual attraction is in a relationship for you, because if she cannot fulfill (like in a relationship where you deem honesty important but she cannot fulfill) you may have to move along.

[definitely_maybe]

I am sorry, i think this thread says more about you than your gf. As YOU said:

1) you are not attracted to her physically 2)that you love some parts of this girl and some parts you don't 3) you look at other women thinking you could be with someone like them??!

 

I don't think i agree with point 2 especially. I think everybody can identify something about their partner that they don't like.

 

I understand the OP's struggle. He likes her, loves her, wants to be with her, but is disappointed in the fact that she has potential, but does not embrace it.

 

I know, and have known a lot of girls that could look so much better with effort. I understand how time consuming it can be to do the makeup/hair. Maybe it is unreasonable to go through with it all the time, but i think it would be good for the OP's girl to dress up once in a while, and look her best. It feels good to look - and smell - your best.

 

I believe that for a relationship to be successful, compromises must be made sometimes, but a lack of attraction can be a serious problem, that sometimes leads to infidelity. I also think that if you accept only your dream girl, you may end up alone.

 

So, what to do?

[Gath]

You should love her for who she is. As long as she doesnt smell, cleans her teeth, brushes her hair and looks after herself basically there shouldnt be a problem. Make up is a mask, thats not the real her. And if your not attracted to her what is there that she can do to make you attracted? Cover up her TRUE looks with makeup? Wear clothes that please you?

 

My fiance always says he doesnt like it when I wear loads of makeup, he always says i look nice when I make an effort to dress up but when im barefaced and my hairs horrific he says im gorgeous.

 

Maybe shes not the right girl for you if your not attracted to her.

 

Or maybe she's just letting herself go? If its bothering him, then its worth worrying about. Life is about compromises, wouldn't it get on your nerves if your fiance wandered around all day in raggety sweat pants and a wifebeater for the next ten years?

 

Although I do agree with your fiance somewhat, my gal looks absolutely stunning when she wakes up in the morning an her hair is all falling down around her shoulders, and then she smiles at me. . . impossible to resist.