trapped Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 As the title says I really dont see any answers but hey you never know so here goes I am a 42 yr old man who has never been with a woman never kissed a woman never have been intimate with a woman hell I have never even held a womans hand its not that I havent tried its just that everytime I ask a woman out I get rejected never fails I have tried dating services the internet you name it but nothing I know I am very shy around women and cant seem to break the cycle I have lately been having pangs of jealousy when ever I see a couple together and now with the holidays coming this time of year sucks another year alone I am by no means ugly or aiming to high its just for some reason women arent interested in me so my question is why do women complain that there are no more nice guys left but yet they have no interest in a person who would probably treat them like they should be being a virgin at this late date in my life SUCKS!!!!!!!! Link to comment
OmegaMan Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Why do you think you are rejected by women? What have you tried to break the cycle? Omega Man Link to comment
vfunkera Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 hey get busy fast. uv gotta stop being shy. u must change so u can let ur personality shine. step back and look at what it is thats holding u back. u say ur not that ugly, and u dont have high standards, so it must be something else, and im guessing it is the shyness. dont look back at not being intimate with any women for 42 years or whatever. start fresh now. u can break this cycle. uv got to stay at what ever it was u was doing no matter what. or maybe ur not taking the appropiate action? the more this cycle and general obstacle goes on, the less confidence ur gonna get and the lower ur chances are of interesting someone. i can only identify the problem as being shy. or maybe its something else u havent mentioned. what ever it is u need to step back, identify it and really kill it. only then will u be able to do something about this problem. u havent even held hands with women, so there is something wrong. identify it first, then u can start making progress. good luck Link to comment
Ash Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Where have you been trying to meet women? Try some different places. There are lots of single women in your age bracket who are looking for various things like stability, compassion, companionship etc. Do you have those attributes? Why not try volunteering at some local organization, that's a great way to meet people in a non-threatening, low pressure way. Go to coffee shops, not bars. If you don't hang out with male friends, you should do that too, let them boost your confidence, ask them who's single, ask them for encouragement. Take a look at taking some recreational courses at a local school or college. Not the real educational courses, but more things like photography, stained glass, the more artsy type things. Lots of women in those courses. You'll find the same thing, a relaxed atmosphere. In short, try some different things. It's not too late. Don't give up hope. Link to comment
OmegaMan Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Again, Why do you think you are rejected by women? What have you tried to break the cycle? Omega Man Link to comment
Ash Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 You may be clinically depressed, or be suffering from something else. If you have no friends at all, think everybody else is a jerk, and think there is no such thing as love then in all honesty you're just not seeing the world the same way the rest of us do. WHy don't you go and talk to your doctor and see if there's something he can do for you to get you feeling better about yourself. Link to comment
vfunkera Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 i agree with both of the above and some of ur points. love made up by insecurtiy? that can be true, but even confident people fall in love so... maybe it is the way u are trying to overcome this problem. is it correct? look around for other posts advising how to overcome shyness, lack of self confidence. look at other posts mentioning where to meet women. u are 42 so uv gotta think hard on where u wanna start going. library maybe? u must break this cycle. the longer u go on with that attitude, the longer ur gonna stay in that hole uv been in for 42 years! u must address the problem or else u will get no where. so far u havent, or maybe not hard enough or in the right way, and the evidence is there.U ARE SUFFERING. U ARE MISSING OUT. stop sobbing and get to work! i dont wanna sound harsh but i feel really sorry for u and want to help. open up a bit more if u want more advice, or ur confused. we are here to help. good luck Link to comment
trapped Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 Its impossible to unravel 42 years of bs it will probably take another 42 years I should have stated this earlier but I also take care of an elderly parent who I feel is the root of all my problems unfortunately I blame her andmy father for what I am today.everyday I wake up hating what I have to do I did not ask for this job but with no one to help I feel it is my responsiblity to take care of her but I hate every minute of it this of course has to happen when I was trying to get my life in order but again another set back so with the added responsibilty i have just resolved to the fact that this is my so called life and that is what I will have to deal with for the rest of my short life. I just need to vent this wheres on me so much I just wish God would take me away from this planet. its tough when your just a piece of protoplasm walking aimlessly thru life Pleas god end this cycle before I do. Link to comment
OmegaMan Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 I really would like to help you out on this one, trapped. But no one can live your life for yourself (I personnaly find comfort in that thought, that we are all responsible for who we are). I have asked you two times, in two different posts different questions to none of which you have decided to answer. This is your choice, I respect that. I also respect that you are suffering just now and need to vent. I presumed that you posted here to find a solution to your situation, now that I know that you only need to vent, I will stop asking questions to gather information in order to work out a or a few solutions. Should you ever feel like finding a solution to all this and involved yourself, put effort everyday in seeking an happier state, know that I will be right there, in this thread, waiting. I still have some information to gather before I can formulate an helpful advice. Remember should you ever change your mind, I'm here to help you out. It's up to you. Omega Man Link to comment
trapped Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 1 Because either they are not interested or looks its a toss up. answer 2 lets see I have tried on-line dating no responses bars not looking for a drunk auditioned for plays to meet people they have their own little click . as for venting sorry but no I have vented to deaf ears so i know doing that doesnt help probably I should see a doctor but I am not looking to be dependent on any kind of medicine what so ever which a lot of doctors try to push. look I am a pretty inteligent guy I know that eventually the best thing is to see a doctor but I guess my fear is the meds I look at it this way I got this way with out meds I hope I can change things without the help of any kinds of drugs which i feel only masks the problem not really getting to the root of the problem. Link to comment
vfunkera Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 no one will love u until u love ur self. ur taking care of ur elderly parent who i presume used to take care of u. i think it wud b and insult to just leave them, but then again they seem to be holding u back as well. u believe in God? good, start praying and ask not to be taken off this earth, but for the good that is suppossed to be in ur life to appear to u soon. u are helping others (ur elderly parent), so ask God now to help u. if u are as dedicated as u sound to ur parent, and believe there is a God, then He will help u no doubt. now go and spoil urself. go gym, make ur self look good in anyway. do things that u enjoy consistently, because this wil make u happy. if ur parent is holding u back, then ur gonna have to fix that some how. hopefully God will come up with something that will make everyone happy. but keep a look out as well. consider hiring someone. u cant go on living like this! i said changes had to be made, so its for the best in ur life. ur parents found each other and became a couple, so why cant u? im not saying that they're the source of ur problems, but u feel the weight of the world on ur shoulders looking after them, and its preventing u from loving urself and others in this world. uv also got to conquer that shyness. find some advice around here on that obstacle. the sooner u start the better. good luck, and we will always be here for u. 8) Link to comment
OmegaMan Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 1 Because either they are not interested or looks its a toss up. I'm glad you decided to write back and answer the questions. About your first answer. I believe it is a fair assumption to think they were not interested. What I want you to do is reflect on this. Why do you believe caused their disinterest? What was your attitude when you talked to them? Be more specific. answer 2 lets see I have tried on-line dating no responses bars not looking for a drunk auditioned for plays to meet people they have their own little click . Do you see any other solutions to your situation? Are you currently considering anything just now to meet women? Also, was there ever a moment in your life that you came close to a relationship or that you knew someone was interested in you? Again, a complete answer will move things much more quickly. as for venting sorry but no I have vented to deaf ears so i know doing that doesnt help probably I should see a doctor but I am not looking to be dependent on any kind of medicine what so ever which a lot of doctors try to push. Ok, I personnaly believe that you can meet someone. I too think medication is not a solution. I would consider seeking professionnal help, social worker, shrink for your situation not a doctor. What do you think about that? no one will love u until u love ur self. ur taking care of ur elderly parent who i presume used to take care of u. i think it wud b and insult to just leave them, but then again they seem to be holding u back as well. A contradicition. What you need to figure out just now trapped, is what changes could me made in your life to make it less hard for you. Also, assuming your decisions would also help to give you a sense of control to your life. Either take care of your elderly or don't. In either case, be prepared to face the consequences of your decision. u believe in God? good, start praying and ask not to be taken off this earth, but for the good that is suppossed to be in ur life to appear to u soon. u are helping others (ur elderly parent), so ask God now to help u. if u are as dedicated as u sound to ur parent, and believe there is a God, then He will help u no doubt. I completely disagree with this statement but I don't want to question your faith, that is your right as an individual. Don't rely on medication, don't rely on religion, rely on yourself, you will always be the best as attaining your goal. Don't ask, act! now go and spoil urself. go gym, make ur self look good in anyway. do things that u enjoy consistently, because this wil make u happy. if ur parent is holding u back, then ur gonna have to fix that some how. hopefully God will come up with something that will make everyone happy. but keep a look out as well. consider hiring someone. u cant go on living like this! i said changes had to be made, so its for the best in ur life. ur parents found each other and became a couple, so why cant u? im not saying that they're the source of ur problems, but u feel the weight of the world on ur shoulders looking after them, and its preventing u from loving urself and others in this world. uv also got to conquer that shyness. find some advice around here on that obstacle. Funkera, would you mind writing correctly next time ? Mar issued a warning about bad grammar, ans using u instead of you isn't correct. I would really appreciate it if you did, thanks! That tendency to ask for some invisible being for things we should do ourselves always seemed like a social curse to me. Take your time, don't panic. You will not get your self-esteem back if you don't take the credit for your success or failures and blame them on some god. Do you understand what I mean? Keep me informed, we will get through this if you are motivated to. Omega Man Link to comment
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