feelings on relationships after the break-up.

[frail]

My ex and i broke up two months ago. It ended abruptly with little closure. I have been able to maintain NC since i moved out. I refuse to think about him... ever. Every once in a while, i slip. But i no longer love him. I get by, but i feel empty. :sad:

 

I have also come to the conclusion that i don't want to find another bf, to avoid feeling this awful ever again. Some days i think I'm better off being my own best-friend and letting no man get close to me. I feel i can't trust them. I suppose thinking that way also is a plus to me because i never really had any luck with attention being given to me by men. So it'll hurt less if I'm not given a chance, and continue to be treated as if i don't even exist at all.

 

However,

 

I have been becoming interested in a guy whom i work with. We've been e-mailing each other almost every day now. And i constantly wonder if he's interested in me. I think if things that go on between us are signs, or absolutely nothing at all. Sometime i think how great it would be if something were to "happen".

 

Damn it!

 

Is this just a natural thing i can't help? Is my idea of wanting to be single forever unrealistic? I feel like I'm being a hypocrite to myself.

[Unfound]

Hi frail..I'm sorry you've found yourself in this very difficult place, emotionally.

 

A few years ago, after a divorce, I met and fell in love with a man who turned out to be horrible. He hurt me so much, I swore I would never get into another relationship. I stopped looking at men, thinking about them, denying my needs and hardening my heart. For three years, it worked.

 

Then, two months ago, I met someone unexpectedly, and we fell in love. It was great for a while, but it didn't work out, and now he is gone. But I'm finding, as much as it hurts, I'm still glad it happened. It broke me out of my bitterness and bad memories, and showed me that I can love again.

 

Yes, wanting to love and be loved is a natural thing. Go ahead and keep emailing this guy, see what happens. Don't deny yourself love.

[orangesoda]

Don't let your previous relationship continue to harm your well being. You, and everyone else on this board, deserves to be with someone who loves and cherishes them.

 

It sounds like there might be something with this new guy. I'm pretty sure there is from what I've read. As a guy, I can tell you that I wouldn't be emailing a girl nearly every other day if I wasn't interested (aside from it being work or school related, if that's the case, then maybe not). But if it's friendly banter and getting to know you kind of emails, then that's a really good sign.

 

So suggest something life, coffee, drinks, or maybe a sunday brunch. Nothing serious, just something to have fun with and enjoy each other's company.

 

Like I said, don't let your ex continue to affect you. Get out and live life and enjoy your freedom.

[mintblossom]

If you're not ready, you're not ready. And that's perfectly okay.

 

I'm currently in the never-want-to-date-just-want-to-focus-on-other-stuff phase and I feel good about that! I don't feel like checking out guys and I don't feel attracted or want to jump into anything. It's a good feeling because it means that after being so hurt by this breakup that my selfprotective mechanisms are kicking in and helping me out.

 

I think it's our bodies way of protecting ourselves- that's a real great thing.

 

At first I thought I had to be all competitive about getting over him - that's what I felt like.....like I had to be a douchebag like him and flirt with a bunch of guys and chase guys and be the first one to find someone new and all that. But today I feel calm and I am feeling good about being independent and single and content to stay that well.

[HajiMaji]

I feel the way you do, but I am a little further out of my relationship than you, so its a bit different. 2 months ago, I felt just like you. I didnt want anything new for all the reasons you said.

 

The thing is, when enough time passes, you forget how bad the stuff hurt. Like, you will always remember, but the sting fades. Eventually you just get with someone new.

 

It is natural to feel the way you do. Feel that way for a little bit, but if your feelings start changing, let them. Thats how it was for me. I felt the way you did with my emotions and logic. Now though, I am excited to start a new relationship. I just cant help but to feel that way now, just like I couldnt help but to feel the way you do before.

 

I bet youll change your mind.. but if you dont, thats ok too.