I guess not everything was bad...

[need2bme]

Since I always share the bad stuff that happened with the ex and how she ended it, I thought it was only fair to share this:

 

 

As I am sitting here studying, I am also listening to iTunes. In my music library, I have a lot of tunes from artists we went to see in concert (you know, make her cds and little stuff like that). One of the artists is Tim McGraw and one of his songs is "One of These Days" and is the song that started to play.

 

This is a song about thinking you are all that and realizing you are not. In other words, thinking you are much better than others and treating others as if you know this. The song proceeds through him realizing that it is "him" he needs to "rise above".

 

I used to, and still do, have a problem with the way I see myself (did I just write that on a public forum?). A few years ago, I had to leave the long-term ex that brought me to these boards and go up North for a job. I just "knew" at that time, we were over. I bought all the books I could to recover and I listened to that song over and over. It became my anthem.

 

My long-term ex never really called or seemed to care, but she sure enjoyed living in my house with her sister, rent free, while I lived in a studio with plastic utensils. So, as I said, this was the song I listened to or sung, almost every single night. It is also the song I still could never listen to without crying or it bringing a tear to me eye, because I was trying so hard to believe that I was worth it all and could "rise above" .

 

I had told the current ex the story...

 

Fast forward to my current ex and I sitting in my truck after going to a movie and I am playing this Tim McGraw CD, partly because I wanted to try and impress her by singing some of his songs to/for her.

 

So, of course, "One of These Days" is on the CD and during our conversation, it starts to play. She looks at me and I want to shut it off, but she does not want me to.

 

So, I simply closed my eyes and sat there holding her hand and bowing my head a little. She holds my hand tightly, puts her head against mine, strokes my face and watches me the whole time; recalling what it felt like to feel so lonely, as when I first heard the song.

 

She wanted me to know that it was ok, that we were ok, that I was ok.

 

When that song played tonight, it actually brought a smile to my face for once, because I could remember that there were times when it was beautiful between us and I never felt more safe (if a guy can state that) or cared for, than at that very point, because she knew what a wreck all that had happened before had made me and she wanted nothing more, than for me to be ok.

 

It was good to remember that she was/is a very special person, who just couldn't do us anymore and it was good to smile and have that warm feeling for her again.

[auburnslp]

That is a great post-it's much easier and more beneficial to experience warmth in feelings than to hate...good luck in your continued healing.

[WaterIsLife]

That is a great post-it's much easier and more beneficial to experience warmth in feelings than to hate...good luck in your continued healing.

 

 

I agree. That was a great post Need2beme

[Optigan]

It was good to remember that she was/is a very special person, who just couldn't do us anymore and it was good to smile and have that warm feeling for her again.

Don't worry mate, it will pass.