True friends stab you in the front... NOT!

[Upinmyhead]

A while ago, a male friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend of two years. I was quite friendly with both of them. Apparently the guy thought I was a good sounding board for the 3 months it took him to work up the guts to break it off with her; during the time he asked me a lot about what he should do. I told him to be honest and not jerk her around about it. He told me I was one of his best friends for always helping him. I didn't think it was a big deal. Don't be dishonest with your SO. Simple rule.

 

After he finally worked up the bloody nerve, he ended up giving her some bs story about how he loved her, but couldn't be with her anymore. Anyway, she told me one night (by email) that she was seriously depressed and thinking of killing herself. All thoughts of staying the F*** out of the situation kind of went away for a while. I talked her down and went to her house the next day, took her to a nearby park and told her to vent. She told me he'd said he meant he loved her as a friend (knowing the guy, he was bullshitting her the night he broke up), and didn't want to see her anymore. Anyway, I told her he was confused (I figured it was true enough if not completely honest) and that he wasn't going to turn around and get back with her once he'd sorted it out (going nightclubbing for three months with him getting drunk and grabbing asses left and right kind of made me figure he was attempting to move on).

 

I continued talking to her via email or phone occasionally while my guy friend told me how happy he was for dumping her, although he was going for dinner at her house still and felt like jumping her (reeeeeeal smooth, ain't he? A month later I heard he'd gotten with some chick at a party. I wasn't actually at the party, because the bastard had forgotten to tell me about it, and then told me it was my own fault for not asking him about it (work out that logic). Anyway, having been asked by Ex-gf to ring her during the week, she told me he was going over for dinner again and I said "Oh? Okay." She asked me why and I said "Nothing.", which was clearly weak as piss. So she kept asking and eventually I told her he'd gotten with a chick at a party.

 

That's my stupid move, I admit it. She was suffering from first-love syndrome, where he'll jump back into her arms if only she waits for him to miraculously change his mind... maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but at the time I just ended up telling her after she dogged me about it. It was honest. I thought it was something that she should know (from what I gather, he wasn't telling her of his exploits on the weekend). I wasn't trying to upset her, that's why I tried to avoid her suspicions. But I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Anyway, what's done is done, she said she was okay with it, I asked her several times, told her I was sorry, phone call ends.

 

Twenty minutes later, I'm listening as her mother berates me for upsetting her so badly, tells me that honesty isn't as important as I'd imagined it to be, made frequent reference to her age (and wisdom), and told me in no uncertain terms to NEVER contact her daughter again.

 

Three days later I find out through another friend that the guy was told about the phonecall, told her he 'wanted to tell her but hadn't gotten around to it', then fed a story to his (and my) entire group of friends that I was a stalker, had tried to feel up his ex, was chatting up his ex and constantly telling her what a miserable shit he was (Now THAT's smooooth... bag the ex she's still in love with, that'll get her leaping into my arms NOT), and many, many other dirty lies, including calling her mother dirty names on the phone. The list of bullshit goes on, but I'll spare you. Bottom line though: it isn't true.

 

Hideously regretful and embarrassed about the whole bloody ordeal, I pretty much didn't get in touch with anyone but 3-4 of my mates, who told me they didn't believe his bullshit (I later found out no-one did, but unfortunately that was 3 or so months down the road).

 

Two months later, said ex-gf invites me to a weekend getaway with a bunch of our group of friends. I asked her why she was suddenly talking to me again, she said she never wanted to stop communicating and her mother had told her to (while in psycho motherbear protective mode). She was apparently unaware of the rumours the guy had told everyone (coughbullshitcough), and told me she was really unimpressed with him.

 

I also later found out that another friend in the group pretty much did the same thing as me (told her he wasn't gonna come back for her) a month or so after I had; she hung up on him after yelling at him, and a few days later rang up crying and said he was right. He didn't get the "filthy stalker trying to feel up ex-gf etc etc." treatment. Lucky me

 

From what I've seen in the two months since she started talking to me again, he's using her as a substitute gf. He's too chickenshit to go out and get himself a new gf, so he just always hangs around her and tells her guys she's interested in are all wrong for her, then ditches her to go get shitfaced and feel up more chicks.

 

Incidentally, he's never once said ANYTHING to my face, although he rang me one night at 1am on another friend's cellphone, said little other than "hey mate", then hung up after I said "So why are you ringing me, mate?". Several minutes later, the other friend rang me up to say sorry, and I heard the ***head verbally abuse me in the background. Like I said, chickenshit.

 

Social occasions are a complete bitch recently. There's clusters of friends. I don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to me, our friends intermingle, but I always feel a lot more uncomfortable than I used to. Like I'm disturbing something, or that I'm constantly being watched for what I do around the ex-gf. I'm told that I'm not and that everyone knows the guy is a dishonest chickenshit ***head, but it's hard to shake the feeling when people are hanging with him and laughing, hugging him and the like. Sure, they do it to me too, but I don't make dirty shit up about him being a stalker, so I'm probably just being paranoid.

 

Anyway, the ex is still in love with him and ends up driving home sobbing almost every time she's not giving him a ***ing lift home from the party; she just can't understand how he's so two-faced. I've heeded the advice of other friends and not tried to comfort her, but it always makes me feel like a complete rat-bastard. She talks to me as long as he's not in hearing distance, cuddles and tickles me at times, and yet if he can see her, it's like I don't exist. And I haven't worked out how to tell her to stop talking to me without having everyone else hear about it. Honestly, I'd rather not say it, she's great and I like her. But great is not worth shit when her interaction with me completely depends upon whether her ex is around.

 

She's invited me to her 18th in about two weeks time. (the vast majority of the group is 20-21) She's really psyched about it, but I can't help but feel that I should tell her her behaviour towards me really shits me. I haven't, of course, because I can't think of a way to say it without sounding either whiny or needy. And we're all putting some money in to get her personalized numberplates. I have already, so I don't know whether I should go or not. Oh, and Mr. Lying ***head's going to be there, as well as Ex-gf's parents, who I haven't talked to since I got chewed out on the phone...

 

I mean, honestly. It's been suggested that I either confront him and beat the shit out of him, confront him and ask him why he's spreading dirty rumours about me, ignore him, try and make up with him.... The solution that sounds best to me is the one where I recognize him for the filthy chickenshit bastard he is for not even ASKING me what happened and beat him till candy comes out, but that's more anger than common sense talking.

 

Comments? It's been a long read, I know, but I would really appreciate some advice, or just anything you might want to say, whether you think I'm a nice guy or an asshole. Hey, I KNOW I made a mistake. I really put my foot in my mouth, but I had good intentions. Better to look a person in the eye and say what you really think, not just smile and say what you're supposed to think, right? That's what friends are for, right? To not just tell you what you want to hear?

[topliner1607306444]

HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY. YEAH, THEIR ARE CERTAIN TIMES WHEN YOU WANT TO HOLD BACK THE TRUTH, ALTHOUGH THAT DOESNT MEAN LIE.

 

I AGREE WITH YOU TELLING YOUR FRIEND ABOUT WHAT HE WAS UP TO. THIS WILL HELP FEEL 'CLOSURE' ON THE RELATIONSHIP. IN FACT THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND FIRST STEP TO HEALING A BROKEN HEART - ACCEPTING THAT THE REALTIONSHIP IS OVER FOR GOOD. YOU HAVE HELPED HER TO FIND CLOSURE. SOME PEOPLE TAKE A LONG TIME TO ACHIEVE THIS, BUT THE BEST WAY IS FOR HER NOT TO SEE HER EX OR BE USED BY HIM.

 

I WOULDNT BE SO HARD ON HER AS WHEN SHE SEE'S HER EX, ALL THAT RUNS THROUGH HER HEAD IS HER EX AND THAT COMPLETELY DOMINATES HER MIND. SHES NOT IGNORING YOU, ITS JUST SHE HASNT GOT OVER IT. STICK BY HER AND HELP HER THROUGH THIS ROUGH TIME.

 

ITS HARD TO FIND TRUE FRIENDS. LIKE, I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS, BUT TO BE HONEST I HAVE ONLY 1 OR 2 TRUE FRIENDS. THEY ARE HARD TO FIND.

 

YOUR BEST FRIENDS IN LIFE ARE YOUR FAMILY. YOU WILL NEVER GET BETTER FRIENDS THAN THEM.

 

HOPE ALL WORKS OUT.

 

TONY, 27, IRELAND.

[Jmac9095]

You'd never guess that someone you thought was your true friend could fu** you over so quickly. I met this kid three years ago when i first moved and we were really good friends up until he decided that f*cking my sister was more important than our friendship. He is probably one of the biggest scumbags ill ever meet. Not only that, he videotaped it than showed it to my twin brother one day. He just f*cking laughed along with some other kids but tht just pissed me off so much. We would hang out with him almost everyweekend to when he wasnt hanging out with his girlfriend.

That was another thing that made me mad, was their relationship. This has got to be one of the dumbest girls i know because she knew he cheated on her 3 times and she still has yet to break up with him. After that day i found out about him and my sister i told her. Shes a good looking girl to but she just doesnt think she can get anybody else. They have been going out for over a year and everyone knows that he is a scumbag to. I was her friend until what he did but she decided that she would rather stay with him than be friends with me. I could really give to sh*ts anymore because both of then dont have any friends but i dont know how anone would convince her different. He found that out after we got in a fist fight and he had no one to back him up and i could of got many of my friends too.

The fight actually came about after he got all 4 of his tires slashed at school one day so he thought he couldnt go after a girl so he would go after me. Acourse the whole school knew about him and my sister so many of my ffriends were offering to kick his ass for me. I just took the task on myself. the whole thing ust goes to show that you dont really know who your true friends are.