She said she wants to be friends...

[NiceGuy76]

She contacted me out of the blue after nine months. We have met up twice...for a couple hours. Have not really talked about the past. Anyways, she told me that she just wants to be my friend and wants nothing else from me. She said her heart is messed up from what happened to us and what recently happened to her relationship that ended about a month ago.

 

Yesterday, she tried calling me and texted me, I replied back that I had company and she replies "Ooh, you have a girl over there?" I called her about 2 hours later...she again mentions me having a girl over. Then said, she had someone over at her place the night before too. I told her I did not really want to talk about it...

 

I have reached out and tried to hang out with her, but so far, it is only when she wants to, not when I want to. What should I do? Like last night, we were supposed to do something and she sends me a text saying she is busy. I do not want to play games...what is her point of this?

 

Today...I did something that I should not have done...I sent a text. "will there be a chance of us reconciling? It is too hard to be your friend, you are my dreamgirl, always were, and will always be." Was that a mistake? Should I just go into NC for a while? Any tips would be GREAT!

 

Thanks!

[backagain]

hey there...to be honest with you...normally i would say "you made a mistake"

 

but i honestly think its fair that you let her know how u feel about it, and u said it straight up....so now the ball is in her crt...

 

if she doesn't want to reconcil, go back into NC for a little bit, get urself back together...if she does...well...then u can go from there!

 

gd lck....but REMEMBER my friend, DO NOT be used as a doormat!!!

[itsallgrand]

I guess now you wait to see what the response to your text is. Take it from there.

 

Just be careful. She is coming out yet another relationship. And that is when she chose to contact you. Not to be cynical, but that doesn't bode well. And to top it off, she gave you the friends bit.

When it is obvious that isn't what she is looking for.

 

You may still care for her, but even if she were to go for it, do you think this lady is really ready to be with anyone?

[Zorba]

I would suspect she's left the relationship recently and is looking for attention and validation from you as she knows you still carry a torch for her. Common kinda thing. She's also playing it well. By saying she wants friendship she's setting it up that if you try anything she can "blame" you for any indiscretion as she "made herself clear".

 

Big mistake with the text, but no point crying over it now. I would not follow it up with anything else in that vein though. Let her do all the running and unless she's attempting the naked tango with you I would take it all with a pinch of salt.

[NiceGuy76]

I dont think she is ready...to be with anyone.

 

She replied..."I do not want to be hit on, that is not why I contacted you" - I just got that message from her.

 

Why am I good enough to contact after so long, but not good enough to be with her sexually or in any other way than friends? I really do not need this in my life, I was doing GREAT, and by her contacting me...everything is confusing now. There is no way I could be just her friend...no way!

 

NC is going to be the best thing right now...I did send her a text back, but that is the last one I am sending until she initiates contact and works for my attention!!!

 

My text was pretty bad..."I am not trying to hit on you, I just want to f*ck". LOL

 

Oh well...guess we will see what happens. She is the one that wanted to start digging into my sex life and tried sharing hers with me...I do not want to hear that crap!

[backagain]

i have to say....HAHAHAHAAHA that txt is so funny

 

its really blunt but hey w/e sometimes a guy just gotta do what a guy does best, be an idiote! hahaha

 

whew that cracked me up...thanks dude u just made my day that much better...

 

i dunno if she'll reply but what a line! hahahahaha

 

oh man i cant get over it....

 

dude go back into NC man cut this chick out from ur life completely, if she cant give u the relationship, why waste ur energy and time and risking pain just so SHE can feel better??

[NiceGuy76]

i have to say....HAHAHAHAAHA that txt is so funny

 

its really blunt but hey w/e sometimes a guy just gotta do what a guy does best, be an idiote! hahaha

 

whew that cracked me up...thanks dude u just made my day that much better...

 

i dunno if she'll reply but what a line! hahahahaha

 

oh man i cant get over it....

 

dude go back into NC man cut this chick out from ur life completely, if she cant give u the relationship, why waste ur energy and time and risking pain just so SHE can feel better??

 

Thanks! I thought it was funny at the time. Actually its something that I would never do, but what the h*ll we only live once. Right? LOL

 

She replied..."Yeah, you and every other guy I know just wants to f*ck!"

 

All I can say is wow...what was the point of that statement?

 

I replied..."Emotionally that is all I am capable of right now...it seems you are too. At least we have something in common. "

 

She replied...True...however, I already have that need covered"

 

What to do now? Hmmmm

 

Since we are talking about needs, should I ask her what "need" catagory do I fall into? Should I mention that I have my "needs" covered too, but would like to have a little variety once in a while would that be so wrong?

 

I am still thinking NC!!! She has got to make a decision and not play games. Let me know some opinions! I am open to any suggestions!

[leo_s84]

She replied...True...however, I already have that need covered"

 

Ouch!....

You played with fire and got burned with that line man..

 

Go NC, forget about her if you can't be her friend

 

I am still thinking NC!!! She has got to make a decision and not play games. Let me know some opinions! I am open to any suggestions!

 

She has... she said she wants to be your friend, thats all. What are you trying to read into all of this?

[servedcold]

Coming back to you for ego stroking once the existing relationship is on the rocks is trashy. Are we literally living in Springer land where relationships are concerned these days? No one seems to have any dignity or integrity.

 

Keep up with the sex talk with her. It's really all she's good for, and you SHOULD be knocking that point home with her... BTW her text about being well taken care of in the sex department demonstrates pretty clearly that she has ceased seeing you as a man and thinks of you as a human crying towel. You don't deserve this. Best wishes.

[NiceGuy76]

Two days ago I sent a text..."it is a good idea if we do not speak to each other anymore, unless you are wanting to reconcile. I wish you the best"

 

That is the last thing I will send to her or say. I went over 9 months living in agony over her and right at the moment I was starting to move on...she showed up. I am not going to play games and I refuse to be walked on. I think I made my point clear and the ball is in her court. She probably thought she could use me as a safety net and an emotional punching bag for her F'ed up head. Well, I have learned I am TOO GOOD for that and I deserve BETTER!

 

I have not heard from her since and everyday that goes by, that I do not hear from her, I feel better and it is EASIER and EASIER everyday that passes. I did it for 9 months, the hard way...I can do it again...

 

I just wish she never contacted me now, because it is so hard to keep myself in NC now that I know her number, email, and where she lives. I love her, but I cannot do this. Not like this...

[confusinglife]

I'm sorry, that really sucks, it should not be so hard to be with someone wether they are your friend or an ex. It seems like you are having to put too much work into the relationship and that is just not fair. I do think that you should go into NC with this person because it will only hurt you more when she responds and says no. I know it sucks when that person contacts you and wants nothing to do with you, what is the point then? why contact you at all?? it's just so unfair

[NiceGuy76]

I have gone NC, and not contacted her since that last text. She has not replied either.

 

I really believe that she is thinking the is no way that I would have her number, know where she lives and email address and be able to NOT contact her. LOL

 

Well, she is wrong. I have grown and learned from the past. I am controlling my emotions because I have learned, I am controlling my emotions because I do not want to get hurt. I deserve more than what she has shown since contacting me and she will realize that. How long will it take? I have no idea, but I do know some day she will figure it out and by then it will be too late.

 

There is someone new and I am trying to focus on her, even though we have only hung out a few times and spoke on the phone for a while. She happens to have the same name too! LOL

 

Tonight has been tough because in all actuality I do want my ex to see that I deserve respect and will not be "walked on" or a "pushover". I am not going to give in and will try my HARDEST not to give in and contact her.

 

Please enotalone friends...give me feedback and help me out with your thoughts and experiences.

 

Thanks!

[NiceGuy76]

Wow, people have nothing to say? It would be nice to hear some encouraging words or advice...if you can find the time.

 

Thanks!

[NiceGuy76]

So I have not heard back from her since I told her there is no need for us to talk unless she wants to reconcile.

 

I wish she would have never called me, what was the point?

[NiceGuy76]

Yesterday, she tried calling me and texted me, I replied back that I had company and she replies "Ooh, you have a girl over there?"I called her about 2 hours later...she again mentions me having a girl over. Then said, she had someone over at her place the night before too. I told her I did not really want to talk about it..." Please note this was at the beginning of this post. Forgot to mention that part. PLEASE READ FROM BEGINNING

 

Then this happened...

 

I sent her the following message yesterday - "Hey there, I have tried to contact you and looks like your number has changed. I just wanted to let you know that I did not want to have a physical thing going with you. Jason was actually with me that day and he suggested that I text back what I texted you. Please just know that those words were not coming from me and how I really feel. Everything was going fine between us (as friends), but I do not want to bring up our sex lives if we are friends. That was really uncomfortable for me that day on the phone with you mentioning that stuff. I still have feelings that run deep, and even if you do not have any feelings like that towards me, I can and will accept that. Learning to just be your friend is not easy, especially after everything that has happened this year. We both have been thru a lot emotionally. 2007 was a horrible year and I am looking forward to 2008. Part of me never thought I would hear from or see you again and I had a small part of me that wished I would. Well, that unexpected day came and went".

 

She sends me the following...same day

 

"Yes, I have changed my number again. Not anything to do with you, but I do not plan on giving you the new number. You have made me feel extremely uncomfortable by many of your actions, starting with being touchy feely with me after I told you I was only interested in a friendship, and told you about all I have been through. It was a bad decision on my part to contact you in the first place, especially just coming out of an abusive relationship. Then for some reason you think I am interested in your dating life, both current and past! Plus, the text you had sent me a few Saturday's ago was uncalled for...even though it did not directly say you had an overnight guest over, it was obvious and my first intuition was right. The only reason I talked about, and created a false sex-life is because even though I had flat out asked you not to talk about that subject, you ignored my request. So, thereforeeee my plan worked...if you can dish it out, you should be able to take it, right? No...I had to show you what it felt like to hear those type of remarks so you would understand just how crappy it can make a person feel. I am really disgusted that you would even suggest a physical relationship at this point...or getting back together. You really made me feel like a cheap piece of a$$. Furthermore, you cant be your own person and take the blame for your actions....no, you have to blame it on *edited* (guy friend) for influencing those thoughts. If you really "did not want to have a physical thing going" with me, then you wouldn't have sent those texts. You could have admitted to your friend "no, I do not feel that way about her, she's been hurt and really needs a friend right now, to ask for anything else would be disrespectful".

I don't believe you truly know or understand me...you never gave me that chance, you never let me in. Now for some reason, you want what you cant have...and if I give in, you will most likely lose interest after the thrill of the chase is over. That's what happened after we got together, isn't it? You broke up with your fiancé, a woman who loved you, but you didn't care...got together with me, and lost interest after only 2 months...eventually breaking up with me, after putting me through hell for 6 months! You are a selfish person who doesn't deserve the time of day. This email for me is closure...I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, to prove to me you are a decent person...all I got was more disrespect, bad feelings and the understanding that I made the best decision by leaving you. I am also aware that you complain to your family and friends, giving them only your side of the story, which leads them to judge the person to whom you are belittling"

 

I did not mention a my sex life...She asked me if I had someone over. I didn't even have anyone over. I was just playing along with it, since she BROUGHT it up. Anyways, she called me tonight...SAME DAY AS THESE EMAILS ABOVE. We talked for an hour and 45 minutes - a GOOD small talk chat.

 

I told her in the conversation that the last thing I wanted was to hurt her feelings. I had no intention of doing that and apoligized. She mentioned that it felt good to hear me say that. We kept on distracting the conversation into small talk...but yet still agreed in a sense that we need to talk about things somewhere down the road when we are ready...she agreed.

 

Anyways, I am just kind of tripping out about this. I read her email 3 times today. Thinking I really lost her for good, then she calls me at 12AM to talk. weird...

 

Crazy evening it has been...Do you think she still has feelings for me? She is not desperate...trust me...she is a cutie!!!

 

Any thoughts?

[ladyblue07]

Uh, what? She sent you that email, THEN called you to have a friendly chat? Strange.

This chick sounds a bit messed up in the head.

Anyway, kudos on apologizing to her. But, personally, I think if I were you I'd want to keep my distance from her. She sounds like the type who enjoys stirring up drama, and will keep messing with your head.