Living a lie that is too good to be true

[simply complicated]

i'm stuck in living a lie with a woman i'm falling in love with, she's falling in love with me to, but she's still with her boyfriend, i know it sounds horrible, but loves funny like that, or so i thought, but recently i've been having some serious doubts.

she's practically perfect for me, she's beautiful, she's responsible, intelligent, we share the same simitlarities as well as opinions, we can't keep our hands off eachother, it's almost too good to be true, but i've been having serious doubts about this.

Why is it that a women such as this puts her reputation, relationship with her boyfriend of 3 years and the respect from the people who love her at risk, she's only known me for three months, this sounds too good to be true alright, because it probably is.

why do you think a woman would do something like this, what do you think her intentions really are, i mean i'm not rich, i live at home, i'm not a super model, i'm not the greatest sweet talker, the only thing i own of value is my opinion, so i don't see why she wants me this way, could you please tell me what you think it could be, have you ever heard of a situation like this? be completely blunt with me, no bullsh*t

[buffalosoldier]

Hey Simply.

No this is not to good to be true. And you know the reason for that. In case you dont: THE BOYFRIEND. Can i ask in the nicest possible way,why on earth he is still on the scene? Your relationship with this woman sounds wonderful,but this is EXACTLY what is stopping it from being as perfect as it could be. I dont know the situation here but she sounds like shes enjoying her cake.(You asked for bluntness)

 

I cant think of any other reason why she would risk what she already has, other than because she wants the excitement and fresh feeling of a new relationship,a bit of fun and then lucky her shes also got a long term boyfriend to go home to.Does this not make you feel sick to your stomach?? Coz i can tell you it would me.Imagining the person i love with someone else. I think its ultimatum time for missy,you cant go on like this surely?

 

Could you answer my above questions then i can sorta give you more advice coz im not exactly sure of the situation?

[simply complicated]

you have no idea how much this is driving me crazy, but when we're together it feels amazing, yet for the obvious reasons which you pointed out is what makes me wanna call it off, but if i hang in there a little longer i can find out for sure wheather or not this is for real.

apparently her relationship with her boyfriend has'nt been going well for a while and she's come to the conclusion that she can't see herself ending up with him in the future, so here i come outta nowhere, i catch her eye, we have the same sh*t in common, i want her, apparently she wants me, you know, the whole song and dance.

But what i don't and could'nt understand is the things shes said, it was'nt something like "hey i think your cute" or "i like you", it's a little more serious than that, shes saying things like "i'm falling in love with you", "when i'm with my boyfriend, i feel i'd rather be with you", "i want a long term relationship with you", i know this situation is simply stupid, but i could'nt imagine a person saying these things without meaning a word of it, not saying there are'nt people out there that do it, but i'm not blind, i see whats in front of me, and i have to admit, when i hear these things come out of her mouth, i believe her, or maybe she's the greatest liar on the planet.

what do ya think, if you need anymore info, just ask.

[buffalosoldier]

Ok, thanks for the extra info.

Im sorry to say this but if she meant all those things why isnt she acting on them?I believe that you believe her and perhaps shes not lying,i can imagine being in this situation this is why i try not to judge,you gotta put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute.

 

But i still think you should ask her to call it quits with her 'boyfriend'.Actions speak louder thanwords after all don they?Shes not a bad person but i dont think she should be telling you serious things like shes falling in love for you if shes not willing to follow them through.-Maybe it would be a bit less painful for you if she was just telling you little things like 'your cute' and stuff,know what i mean? Have you spoken to her about this?Have you told her it hurts you?Is there a real reason why she has not left her bf? Maybe shes scared.I personally think that she doesnt want to risk giving up her 3 yr relationship with a guy that she must feel for (being together that long) to jump into something new that might not work out for the best.

 

If you cant bring yourself to have a really deep talk with her about this,then my best advice would be to try a subtle approach.Just see if you can coax her out of this relationship instead.If shes frightened of giving up her 'comfort zone' (i think thats what it is with her bf) then you need to be sure that this is what you want,and if it is then you need to reassure her that you have only the best intentions with her.-She sounds like shes gonna need some encouragement.

 

How did you guys get together in the first place? Does this guy have any suspicions as to whats going on?

 

Basically, this could turn out to be a wonderful relationship (if she dumps comfort man) or its going to end in complete disaster with you being the one that gets hurt the most. And if you do end up with her,be honest,are you REALLY going to be able to fully trust her?

 

BS

[The Morrigan]

I have to agree on this in the main - even if you put the NICEST possible slant on it, that she doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend and hasn't figured out how to tell him she wants to move on, she should have put actual involvement with you on hold before letting him go. Not doing that makes it cheating, no matter HOW nicely you try to put it. And if she doesn't have to make a decision, it's not going to help matters any, for anyone, it gets easier to justify putting something off the longer you do it.

 

She needs to make a choice here, this isnt a good position for anyone involved.

[simply complicated]

we have had serious descusions about this whole thing, several times in fact and all in all, these conversations were very reasuring i can tell you that much, why do you think i've stayed this long.

and i could'nt expect her to leave her boyfriend of three years after her knowing me for only three months, then i would'nt have even bothered, in in terms of trust, well lets be honest, who can you trust these days, theres always problems in relationships, and theres always temptations, when these two meet at the exact same time, theres a good possibility that a person such as this girl would go for it. Love is a gamble everyone takes, you just have to decide wheather or not the other person is bluffing, if delt a good hand then go for it, if your instincts say different then it's completely up to you.

the only problem is waiting, i have to give her more time, and more reasurance, hense love. But i still can't figure out if i should "call the bluff sorta speak", i want this to work out , i really mean that.

and the boyfriend is suspicous, regardless of what she says, you'd have to be simply stupid to not figure it out, we talk on the phone every day, he knows we meet up, i'm the only person she's brought into her life in the past while, i talk to her everyday yet i don't talk to him, that should tell him something.

[buffalosoldier]

But honey i know you dont want to hear this but it still doesnt excuse why she is still with him and why she has decided to cheat on her unsuspecting bf(like you said shes only known you for three months, but yet shes as good as having a relationship with you anyway)so whats the difference.

 

And there ARE people that are trustworthy and i dont think she is one of these people.I know you are a mature guy and you know what love is and all the rest of it,but really,do you want to be played for a fool?no you dont.Its not fair on you and its not fair on her bf.How would you feel if you were the bf?

 

I think you need another serious discussion,coz if was that serious of a discussion, a decision would have been made.Love is not a game and shes acting as if it is.oh woe is her...she cant decide between the two of you..poor her.(Sorry that wasnt meant to sound horrible) but to be blunt if she really wanted to be with you,she would cut all ties with this man and be with YOU.She would take a CHANCE on YOU.Shes not.Why?coz your letting her get away with this.

 

I think the reason your bothering is coz you see hope and its obvious that you love her,but you cant carry on like this.This could go on for weeks,months.-and it will only get worse unless she pulls it together.

[enadevoli]

this is definatly a difficult situation you are in. but seriously, this needs to stop soon. she's not being fair to anyone here. not you, or her bf. i doubt that she told her bf about you, & do you realize how hurt he's going to be when he finds out. just think outside of your shoes for a second. her & her bf have been together for 3 years, thats a long time. he thinks she loves him & only him, except its not true. she's being unfaithful to her bf every day that she is with you. i realize that you might think she is such a wonderful person & maybe she is, but she's off limits. just because she wants to be with you doesn't make it right. you need to be the one who stops this because she's not going to & even if you do break it off with her, she will probably keep trying to get you back. you need to be serious about this though. im sure you don't want to spend the next couple of years sharing her & you shouldn't want to. how does it makes you feel knowing that you are her "on the side" bf? you deserve to be the #1 guy in a girls life & not have to share that position because a girl can't make up her mind. what happens if she does end up breaking up with her bf, will she be with you? do you think that there's a chance that after you & her are together for awhile, she might do the same thing to you. she obviously doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing if she doesn't act on it.

[lokagirla]

how can you be sure that she wont do the same to you if she ever ended up having that "desired" long term relationship???

 

the easier it is for her to leave this guy, the same will go to you... dont you agree??? i know everyone is different, but that has nothing to do with change in a person. change takes time, and for her to change this way of getting rid of ppl... it wont...

 

so i suggest you think about the whole situation a lot... and i have always believed that you never look at someone else's girl... not until she has put a complete end to the relationship.... besides... what kind of a person can get out of a relationship, especially such a lengthy one and jump to another??? ppl should take time for themselves after breakups... time to think a lot about their OWN mistakes... not their partner's. everyone has problems... good and bad aspects affect all relationships... she has to evaluate herself... and you... i dont even think you should be near her.

 

if she wants to take action, let her come to you, shes the one thats taken, not you... but dont let yourself be an easy prey... shell take advantage of you for that eventually. think simply complicated, think...

[Genesis]

O- Please!

 

 

You sound like a really nice, sweet, and totally Naive guy. This "girl" is using you! She wants her cake and she is eating it too! 3 months SORRY is not that much time for someone to fall in love. You may be in lust with each other but love I do not think so. This girl has boundary issues and she has no respect for you or her boyfriend. She is dating you because she is bored with her boyfriend, and you are just like a little extra on the side to take up her time. If she really did not want to be with her BF she would have dumped him by now.

 

Are you really falling for the oldest trick in the book? ALL CHEATERS SAY THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BAD! I bet if you ask her BF he may say other wise! She sure does take the time to maintain this "BAD" relationship with him. Normal people who are in bad relationships get out of them! They do not wait around unless they are having doubts, which means that she still must have feelings for her boyfriend. I think you should get out before YOU get hurt. If this girl really "loves" You , she will break up so she can be with you. Why would you want some girl who cheats in the first place? If they will do it with you they will do it to you! Cheat.

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I understand you really like a girl you have known for 3 months. I also understand she's confusing you as she says she wants to be with you, but has a boyfriend.

 

While I can see the points of other posters who say that this girl is just playing with your mind and really doesn't want anything more than a fling, I also have been somewhat in the girls position.

 

Yes, it is best for someone in a bad relationship to get out of it, however, it's sometimes easier said then done. I don't know what the situation is exactly with her boyfriend, but perhaps he's manipulating and controlling? In a relationship with someone like that, it is extremely difficult to leave because the person has broken down your self esteem and your sense of self worth. They can make you feel like you are nothing without them. I'd need more insight into her relationship to help me figure out if she is in such a relationship or not.

 

On the other hand, Genesis is right, if it's really such a bad relationship, and she really doesn't see herself with him in the future, then she should leave him. And to add to that, she really shouldn't be jumping into something with you now or for a while after the relationship. The last thing you need is someone comparing you to a previous relationship because they haven't had sufficient time to heal.

 

I suggest you figure out if this is what you really want. Things may be going great now, but what happens if she does break up with her boyfriend? Are you willing to give her space until she's ready for a new relationship? And on the flip side, what if she doesn't break up with him? Are you willing to sit around waiting for her until she finally realizes what she's missing out on?

 

I also suggest you talk to her about things more in depth. Find out what's wrong in her relationship, if it's a true reason or something foolhardy. And see if she is truly willing to leave her boyfriend, and if she is, ask her why she hasn't yet.

 

Best wishes!