How Do You Know if a Woman is Taking a Serious Relationship...Seriously?

[Cannon]

I am 20 and in college. Me and this girl (who is 21) have been seeing each other for about a month now and I'm already getting the impression that the relationship is getting too distant. When we first got together, we were talking long term and she said she wanted a serious relationship because she hadn't been in one in a long time and she was tired of just having sex without the emotional support (to make a long story short).

 

It started changing when I got upset that she went out with another guy to a resturant alone. There was this small debate we got into, but that's over now. I eventually apologized because I felt like I was becoming too controlling...and then others began to tell me that that's not such a big deal. I haven't seen her physically in a week because she's been staying at her girlfriend's apartment and hasn't been sleeping on campus (I'm a commuter). And it's like every time I have some free time on campus and want to meet with her she says she's sorry she's about to go do something with this (girl)friend of hers.

 

I admit, I can't tell how seriously she's taking the relationship. This could all be about nothing though.

 

EDIT I have to add that I'm slighty wondering about whether or not she's seeing someone else. Not because of the dinner...that's irrelevant now. But she's recently told me that she wants to stop having sex for now because she did it so much during the summer and last year that she needs a break (and it's not like we were a couple of jack rabbits before since we only had sex twice). So I'm wondering does she want to stop having sex because she's doing it with someone else? Or is this sincere? I know for a fact that there are a number of guys that come in and out of her "girlfriends" apartment. I also know one of the guys in her circle of new friends this semester...he used to be my roommate for a semester when I was a freshman. He's very open about the fact that he doesn't care about persuing women that are in relationships (and I'm sure I'm no exception)...and he's one of the one's that's always at the apartment (and sleeps over sometimes like my girl does). I also saw a picture of them two on Facebook where she's bending over directly in front of him on Halloween.

 

Am I just being paranoid? Or are there real concerns? Like I said, we haven't seen each other in a week, but have talked and texted a few times.

[crookster_man]

Sounds like she's blowing you off buddy. I would be prepared to walk away form this one. I think you already know something is up, which is why you are on here.

 

In my opinion your gut feeling is correct. She isn't looking for a lasting romantic relationship with you but is to (whatever) to tell you directly, at least not yet. She is probably hoping you'll catch the drift.

 

Edit to your edit: When a girl (especially this new into a relationship) tells you that she wants to stop having sex, IT IS OVER. Read, this relationship is OVER. I would bet some serious cash on it. Sorry buddy, she ain't the one.

[Cannon]

Sounds like she's blowing you off buddy. I would be prepared to walk away form this one. I think you already know something is up, which is why you are on here.

 

In my opinion your gut feeling is correct. She isn't looking for a lasting romantic relationship with you but is to (whatever) to tell you directly, at least not yet. She is probably hoping you'll catch the drift.

 

Edit to your edit: When a girl (especially this new into a relationship) tells you that she wants to stop having sex, IT IS OVER. Read, this relationship is OVER. I would bet some serious cash on it. Sorry buddy, she ain't the one.

 

Well, I should probably change that a little...she didn't say stop...per se. Like forever...she just meant not as much. I thought it was kinda weird though because we've only had sex twice!

 

EDIT After reading the text again just now...she said she's trying to cut back and she needs a little break because of what I said above.

[crookster_man]

Well, I should probably change that a little...she didn't say stop...per se. Like forever...she just meant not as much. I thought it was kinda weird though because we've only had sex twice!

 

Oh, well then I totally misunderstood. It's all good, she just wants to slow down from twice a relationship to one time... That's okay then. Clearly she is still into you, she just doesn't want to have sex that's all. Oh and some other guy is hanging out with her, but that' okay their just friends. Friends that you can't hang out with together because they need to have alone time.

 

Yup I can hear the wedding bells already!

 

Edit on your edit: Um.... I think you have your answer then.

[Cannon]

Oh, well then I totally misunderstood. It's all good, she just wants to slow down from twice a relationship to one time... That's okay then. Clearly she is still into you, she just doesn't want to have sex that's all. Oh and some other guy is hanging out with her, but that' okay their just friends. Friends that you can't hang out with together because they need to have alone time.

 

Yup I can hear the wedding bells already!

 

Edit on your edit: Um.... I think you have your answer then.

 

If that's true...I'm just tryin to figure out what the hell happened. How did we go from talking about the long term to this crap?!?

[crookster_man]

If that's true...I'm just tryin to figure out what the hell happened. How did we go from talking about the long term to this crap?!?

 

Yea, women are fickle, especially if they are young.

 

It probably wasn't anything you did wrong. She is obviously not ready for anything serious. Or maybe she just didn't feel the chemistry with you?

 

Obviously I do not know your situation. What do you think lead you to this point? You came onto Enotalone so you must have felt something was up? What do you think?

[Cannon]

Yea, women are fickle, especially if they are young.

 

It probably wasn't anything you did wrong. She is obviously not ready for anything serious. Or maybe she just didn't feel the chemistry with you?

 

Obviously I do not know your situation. What do you think lead you to this point? You came onto Enotalone so you must have felt something was up? What do you think?

 

I'm not entirely sure. I'm hoping in the back of my mind that next week we'll see each other a lot more and everything will be back to normal. I just texted her again and she said we only had sex twice BECAUSE she was trying to cut back. But then to, she knows the situation of how it's been hard for us to get together alone the way we've really wanted to. So it's not like we always had the option of banging anytime we wanted to.

 

I have to find out if she's trying to play my face (slang).

[crookster_man]

Well it could be all good, but chance are...

[Cannon]

I just want to know what I did wrong. A relationship that barely lasts a month either wasn't serious to begin with...or she's cheating because she found someone else. I'm going to give it until the middle of next week (Wed)...it could be though that some of her friends are feeding her crap and she's afraid to trust her own feelings. I knew right from the beginning that she had problems telling me how she really felt.

[Momene]

... or this "friend" she had a meal with isn't a true friend who wants to support her relationship with you but is trying to compete against it.

 

If she is sniffing round the bait, there's not much you can do. Shout too loud and you'll drive her into his arms.

 

Love sucks sometimes.

[Eire1]

I just want to know what I did wrong. A relationship that barely lasts a month either wasn't serious to begin with...or she's cheating because she found someone else. I'm going to give it until the middle of next week (Wed)...it could be though that some of her friends are feeding her crap and she's afraid to trust her own feelings. I knew right from the beginning that she had problems telling me how she really felt.

I think you just have to trust your gut feeling on this one. I believe, based on what you've said here, she is seeing someone else, or maybe other people in general. It sounds like she's not being upfront because she doesn't want to hurt you and so is just trying to avoid you and make it difficult for you to see her or spend time with her.

 

She may have met someone that she liked better and just flipped for him. Perhaps she's just keeping you around in case she finds that it doesn't work out with this other guy.

 

To tell you directly that she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore, because she had too much sex earlier in the year is just BS. I sense that you already know that.

 

Either cut her off completely and move on, or confront her and tell her that she owes you an honest explanation. Don't get strung along while she plays the field. It will only kill your self-esteem and make it harder on you in the long run. It's not easy to confront things like this, but it's not healthy to fool yourself into believing everything's ok when you know deep inside that they're not.

[Cannon]

I agree 100%. I'm also thinking that maybe she doesn't want to be upfront because she doesn't want to feel guilty about anything by having to give an honest explanation.

 

Perhaps she's just keeping you around in case she finds that it doesn't work out with this other guy.

 

You know...I was thinking about that. If I find out that's the case though, I'll be damned if I go along with it that's for sure!