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Hello, I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had a Girlfriend

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I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarrassed and sometimes i'm not. It is a peculiar lifestyle though because i'm losing touch with what most of society seems to be familiar with. As their lives form and shape around relationships and families, mine does not. I'm not always sad about it. Sometimes it makes no difference but i do fear it continuing like this. I do suspect it will not become healthy for my mind and body in the long run.


Is there anyone here who relates?

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Hey Man,


I'm in the same position except I'm 25! There doesn't seem to be any particular reason for it either. I'm reasonably good looking, fun to talk to...it's just hard for me to express my feelings to girls because when I do, they never seem to feel the same way.


But enough about me...You just have to to live to fight another day and not let it get to you too much. Don't get so down on yourself that you become self-destructive (alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc.) Learn to communicate your feelings. Even if they fall on deaf ears, at least you'll know you've tried and it will become easier as you meet new people. Girls can be a real pain in the ass sometimes so it's really a mixed blessing.


Stay Strong!

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Hi. I am a very attractive 36 year old female, married with 2 kids. After having lots of non-virgins interested in me and show me their interest (sometimes way too much), I decided I would go for my friends, men who were less demonstrative. Well, actually I befriended like 5 guys, invested emotionally, played a 'Nice girl' as you say 'Nice guy' and they never asked me out, heck, they could not even figure out I was interested in them. I realize now, they were virgins and they made me comfortable because they didn't come on to me, but not at all.


Now that I found a wonderful man (a very non virgin), as I said I realize all those guys were virgins and were repressed for some reason. You have to make mistakes to get experience. I too now see this as I married my only lover (big mistake).


All this to say that I wasted a lot of time on these 'friends' whom I really liked, but because they lacked the confidence that 'having lost it' gives you, we could never get together. I ended up fooling around with other 'non virgin' types. Hate to categorize. In one example, I was 19, he was 18, we worked together and were sexual in our general ways, but never kissed/petted until he lost it with another girl. Then on my graduation day, he just was all over me like a lion (it was great) and it was one of the best nights of my life.


It will boost your confidence and you will end up in a wonderful relationship, but you have to be willing to fumble through, make mistakes. You know no one is really an expert in this and every person you feel sexual feelings for is a different experience. A virgin girl is not so bad but since a girl cannot make a guy love her, the first real sexual moves has to come from the guy.


Wait for a girl you really feel hot for for your first time, even do it with a friend who is a non-virgin since the person will certainly still be friends wtih you and go through things slowly You will be a better person for it. Had I figured this out earlier on in life, I would not have built up this hurt over my virginal, non-confident, maybe repressed male friends, who today probably feel that they passed up an awesome girl!!!!! Bye.

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ALthough, I've had girlfriends before, I didn't have sex before I was 21, so I wouldn't worry too much. You know, just wait and see, be patient, sometimes we have the impression that some things will never happen because we want it so much, but it's when things are getting hard to it's most important not to give up.


To be honest, I think having sex is great. It got boring after a while though, always with the same person, guess we (my gf and I) never managed to reinvent our sex life did we...


What I mean by that, well I'm sure it depends for each person, but I can honestly say sex isn't what makes me the happiest. It's an activity like another, having good friends is so great, being loved by your family, loving what you study, those are all great things that makes life worthwhile.


In other words, don't dwell on what you don't have as you'll NEVER have everything, try to find some satisfaction, and things will fall in place.


Omega Man

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Don't get me wrong. I am fine with what i have and i know its not too uncommon to be a virgin at 21 but coupled with not having any relationship experience, that's less common.


i do need to stop harping over it so much but i've seen single men who are much older who fall and find themselves in strange, peculiar ruts. So its a slight worry of mine. I would prefer not to develop some of those habits of repression and selfishness that comes with a long time of isolation.

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Hey there, well I know how you feel...only I'm 18. I know I'm a few years younger, but I can relate. I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed and never been on a date...(meaning I haven't done anything...at all...ever) so I understand what you are feeling. I am fine about it most of the time, yet every once in awhile it gets to me and I can't help but think I'm not getting the full relationship experience. I know I'm young and such and I have many years ahead of me to date. But when you think about it, dating and having a real relationship prepares you for marriage and long term commitments, so its good to get the chance to do that before you are around the general marrying age. And it helps with understanding what types of people you get along with and what you want in a life-time partner....but I'll put an end to my babble...

She'll come someday...


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I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i'm embarrassed and sometimes i'm not.


Hey, so you are a late bloomer. I was too. I lost my virginity at 21 or 22. I am now 35, married with kids. My advice? Enjoy being 21! Spend your money on yourself. Have some fun. Once you start the sex stuff, things change. Relationships become more demanding and things get serious all of a sudden. Before you know it, you'll be tied down, committed, and broke.

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not having any relationship experience, that's less common.


You know, normality as this way of making us feel bad about ourselves. Why can't you compare yourself to yourself instead of worrying about how far the others are. You know among men, that are just so many LIES about sex. One of my friends admitted he didn't have sex before he was 20, but not before always telling me he had it at 17 first. So don't think that what everyone says is the truth, 'cause it's not.


I am not saying you're not entitled to worry about that, it's your right, but you know what? Once you get sex, and you will, something else is going to bother you. And then something else. And so on. See what I'm getting at?


There are so many people in your situation, you can't imagine how much. You know, I don't think you'll become selfish or anything because you don't get in a relationship soon. You know, I also panic sometimes, because I've haven't got this or that, but WE'VE STILL GOT LIFE AHEAD OF US. It WILL come, it's up to you to make the efforts required so that your wishes come true.


Good luck



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  • 2 weeks later...

You have to understand that my concern with this topis was not about sex. I admit that it can come with relationships, but i'm talking on a more general level. it's less appropriate to hug and hold your male friends when you need some attention and thats the sort of connection i'm missing for the most part and continue to miss out on.

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I understand mate - I'm 22, a virgin and someone who is looking around for a relationship -so firstly, you're not alone (so the name of the website says

) - and the sex thing not too important to me either - I'd rather lose my virginity to someone who cared about me rather than some drunken one night affair that ended awkwardly the next morning... 8)


I find it a bit annoying with my other mates who seem to find it really easy to meet women, but I found there's no point attacking yourself over it (maybe take some tips though....) - because it only kills your confidence - and we need all of that we can get


Anyway chin up.... we're only young - and besides you'll treasure that great girl do you meet instead of the guy who may sleep around but ultimately ends up lonely...

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  • 3 months later...

I'm a 25 year old male who until recently had never had a girlfriend or sex, I'm writing this because I have made many mistakes and I feel that sharing these mistakes will possibly help others avoid those mistakes. Firstly don't get to hung up on the sex side of things, I did and it led me to really get messy (Drink and Drugs). Secondly don't set your standards to high, I was going for women who were well out of my league, accept that no one is perfect and find the inner beauty. Thirdly don't slide into depression and give up going out, depression cost me two and a half years of my life, and I don't think to many women find miserable men all that attractive. Finally, when you do find that someone special be honest, if they like / love you it won't matter if you have never had a girlfriend as my girlfriend told me when I finally confessed the truth. Now I'm happy.

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I am a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend.


Is there anyone here who relates?


Hi Estevan, I never thought I'd post in this board until I read your message. It's because I'm also a 21 year old virgin, male, who's never had a girlfriend! You are not alone!


The reason I'm checking out this board is because yesterday, on valentine's day, I just made a move on a friend i've known and had a crush on for almost 8 years. I have not heard from her so needless to say i'm very anxious and in need of advice of what to do next.


Enough about myself. I totally understand how you feel, when I see my friends happily paired up and can't help wondering what the hell's wrong with me.


However, i have to say that i was never embarrassed about the fact that i'm a virgin. In fact i take pride in it. Society says it's a shame to be a virgin. I say it's a virtue to stay pure before marriage. Unfortunately many people don't realize this.


As to finding your soulmate, all i can say is be patient. Don't jump in a relationship blindly just for the sake of having a relationship. Remember something called commitment. To me commitment doesn't start the day of marriage. It starts the moment I think about pursuing a girl, that i will not take any relationship lightly and that i'm dating her because i'm genuinely considering marrying her someday.


Being patient is something i have to keep reminding myself. If i'm fortunate enough to start a relationship with my friend i told you about, then needless to say i'll be extremely happy. But if it doesn't turn out the way i hoped, then yes i will be depressed, but at the same time i also know i'm not alone (see link removed) and that my real soulmate will show up at the right time.


Good luck to your search for your perfect one and God bless.



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I think if i believed some of the things you did, I would not feel as anxious, but that isn't the case. I'm fearful and not interested in marriage, I do not believe in soulmates, and i don't have a very intimate relationship with god. Now, the first two issues are not necessarily out of bitterness or spite but I simply do not see their relevance in my life and/or i do not accept them to be rationally or realistically true. Don't get me wrong, certain degrees of delusion are sometimes important but i can not get myself to actually believe in soulmates. I don't feel its in my best interest to do so. I'd rather leave my options open for a relationship with anyone. even mediocre.


good luck to you.

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Im a 20 year old female and im a virgin. I feel no shame in it at all. I wouldn't let this bring you down. I have been involved in plenty of relationships and i have managed to maintain my purity. There is nothing wrong with it. I wish i could find someone who could share a special moment like this with me. God,Family and friends should come first. I am a firm believer in waiting to have sex until marriage. I hope all of this makes u feel better UR WORTH THE WAIT!



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I too am 21 years old. a female virgin and NEVER had a boyfriend. I didn't understand why. even other guys don't know and i'm told that i'm very attracted and guys are always looking at me and treat me very nice, but never have i been even asked out. I for one don't just go up to people i don't know and ask them out. I'm not a real party party person. I don't drink or do drugs and i want to save myself for my future husband. I used to cry about never having a boyfriend, but i shouldn't have to. I don't anymore b/c i started focused on things that i'm really good at. Even though i've never been in a relationship, it doesn't mean that my first relationship will be from hell. My friends have had lots of boyfriends/girlfriends and all the relationship experience u could imagine, but yet they still end up breaking up with whoever, and cheating on the person they are with. If you are meant to be with someone you will be and it will be great b/c the two of you really like/love each other so why would it go sour? Yea you learn from making your own mistakes, but you also learn from others mistakes

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I think if i believed some of the things you did, I would not feel as anxious, but that isn't the case. I'm fearful and not interested in marriage, I do not believe in soulmates, and i don't have a very intimate relationship with god. Now, the first two issues are not necessarily out of bitterness or spite but I simply do not see their relevance in my life and/or i do not accept them to be rationally or realistically true. Don't get me wrong, certain degrees of delusion are sometimes important but i can not get myself to actually believe in soulmates. I don't feel its in my best interest to do so. I'd rather leave my options open for a relationship with anyone. even mediocre.


good luck to you.


Hi Estevan,


I think I can see the point of view of where you're coming from. My wish to you is that if, just if, the God I mentioned and the soulmate of your life really do exist, and you happen to encounter them, you'll not hesitate to hold on to them. These are some of the things that make one's life truly worth it.


And as to what happened on valentine's day, I can tell you that I screwed up, big time, which means that as of today I'm still a 21 year old, male, virgin, who has never had a girlfriend. But I'm accepting reality and I'm not giving up.


Good luck to you too.



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  • 3 weeks later...

Well I can definitely relate I'm 22 never had a girlfriend and i'm a virgin. Its something i've been thinking about a lot lately and its really not even about the sex all that much. Just seems like i'm the odd ball that still hasnt done the dating thing and I blame myself for never asking out girls.


I'm a good enough looking guy but I still feel shy when I know that I want to go out with some girl. I have loads of friends and I'm not a shy guy in general but when it comes to asking a girl out I just dont. Maybe its fear of rejection but i've never been rejected either of course since i dont allow myself to be vulnerable. So lately i've been thinking to just get out there and risk it by asking some girls out. I have yet to do this but now that its down in writing maybe I will.


I blame it mostly on my situation because i'm constantly moving around which doesnt allow me to get close to anyone or by the time I do then I move again. This message is just to let you know that your not alone and like many have said its not a race. The truth is all my friends are in relationships and none are all that happy with them. I've been hearing only horrible stories and it seems most of them are in a crisis at the moment anyways we can all do without that but lets not forget we still want to experience all the fun that comes with a relationship when we are still young.


The worst thing that could happen to me is looking back and thinking hey i wasted those years.

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another person to join the vingin`s club


I had no idea of this site, my situation is almost the same of some people here, i know how you feel


im 21 y.o almost 22 y.o i know girls but i never had a girlfriend.

i think my problem is that im a very romantic and emotional person and some girls have told me that, i think if i was born in another time or place i would be a great lover, but this is not the real subject of this conversation, the thing is that i´ve been waiting for a great moment, some friends have told me that i´m handsome and maybe that explain why 4 strangers women have ask me directly for sex, i know what are you saying know, DUMB! . But what is worth doing it at the first time without love?, without real passion?, feeling the breath of that person who we like and remember that moment for the rest of our lifes. It´s incredible, and i hope im not wrong.

i only got really in love two times in life, and those person just wanted fun, that relations ended in a blue.

but i know there outside is my future great love waiting for me.

waiting for me to share a sun shine, to write or read poetry together, to offer her a rose, to walk along the beach in a summer night and for make the special moments really special


Your replies have made me feel better about my situation, as I too have never had a boyfriend and Iam 21 years old. I often feel abnormal and unloved and I had been thinking of giving up completely. It becomes really hard because everything you see and hear on Tv and the radio, from friends, from family is how great love is and you cant help feeling depressed that you dont have someone to share yourself like that with. Lately Ive been wanting a boyfriend so badly because I am lonely and its driving me crazy.



i know how you feel, if it makes you feel better. for my next time i get in love i prefer to be with a person like you and not with a woman with many boyfriends experience.


anyway... im here waiting for that great romance


Dont go down, storms have an end!


ps. i hope you understand the text, i know there are some mistakes

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  • 5 weeks later...

I've only just seen your posting from last year but had to write and thank you for putting into words exactly how I have felt still being a virgin, albeit one aged 30!

The thing that I most relate to is when you describe watching others' lives "form and shape around relationships and families" while yours "does not."

I have often felt disconnected from the rest of my friends - or that I'm not a fully-formed human-being - because I'm still a virgin. Then at other times, I feel that such a thought is such utter nonsense.

Of course, I've now reached an age where virginity is even less common and perhaps the number 30 made me think "I'm a freak!"

I'm less worried about this now as I think it's all relative and I care less and less what people think - I've even told two friends.

What does worry me though is similar to what your posting mentioned, that it will be a never-ending story.


I'll cease wittering on but...


thanks again!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi! I am yet another comrade in the same boat--I just turned 22 and am still a virgin. I spent years asking myself, what's wrong with me? For a long time I was able to blame it on my weight, but then I lost the weight. I finally came to realise it's something internal, in my psyche. Then I picked up this book: "Sexual Anorexia" by Patrick Cairns. It is really good, as it has helped me to understand my own emotional issues. I had never realised that I had prevented myself from having sex all these years, to maintain control. Now that I am learning this stuff, hopefully I will be able to get to the point where I can be comfortable being physically intimate with someone, but I think it will take a long time. Meanwhile, there is always that voice saying I'm abnormal because I cannot do this thing that most normal people are able to. I personally don't agree with those who say that you shouldn't worry, it will come in its time. That may be true, but at the same time, you may be preventing it from ever coming, so there never will be a "time" So please get this book and tell what you think!

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22 years old. virgin. dated a girl for 2 and a half years without getting physically intimate because i thought we agreed that we didn't want to change the strength of our relationship... she slept with three guys during that. i am now single living in a house with two other couples.


i'm not looking for pity, really i'm just trying to present it to myself so i can learn to accept this and realize...


why don't i feel any better?


some people are saying stay away from the drugs and alcohol, i disagree. do whatever comes naturally. drugs, alcohol, and nicotine give ya a nice numb feeling, probably not the best solution, but i think its way better than waiting for "something more" that never arrives...

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OK, this is so deppressing, everyone is drugged out and full of themselves! Come on people, life can be really exciting....even without sex (haha tell me I said that when I am in a deppressed mood and I won't believe you). But seriously, if you've got a problem and you're not happy about your life, at least figure it out rationally and see what you can do about it. (Trust me, I'm no Republican! but I do think there must be SOMETHING you can do to help yourself!)

Well, I am really interested in sociology and psychology and all that, and of course I too am full of myself, so I like to analyse myself and others. So, I am wondering if we all have something in common that led us to turn out this way...if there is a recipe, as it were, to make a life long (or hopefully simply decades long) virgin. I'm not sure where to start exactlty, but it must start in childhood, so I'll describe mine. Please do the same, and maybe we can see some common elements that will give us insight into the problem!

I come from a ***ed up family (doesnt everyone say that?)...my mother has major psychological problems and is incredibly emotionally abusive. My father is passive aggressive and he never stood up to my mother for me or my sister. So I never had a good male role model...I think part of my problem, because girls dont really see me as a masculine figure. I had alot of social problems in elementary and midle school, and I got the social part relatively fixed, but I have never been cmfortable with physical intimacy. I am actually still really afraid of people in general, unless I know them, and I tend to be intimidated by men, unless they are the quiet sensitive types.

Whenever I get attracted to a girl, I feel stuck...it's almost like I cannot envision myself being a sexual masculine person, I feel like I am stuck as a little boy in that respect. I remember I used to worry about it from a very early age, like when I was 10 i was so worried about the day in the future when i would want to ask a girl on a date, etc. A while back, when I was maybe 19 or so I used to ask myself, "When I was 10 I wasnt sexual and neither were most of my peers, Now I am 19 and most of them are sexual and I am not....where did we diverge?" Now I realise the problem did not start in my teens but rather goes back to my earliest childhood.

Well, I guess I've written enough for now...please tell me about some of your histories and if we have anything in common!


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