uterdijon

OK, this is so deppressing, everyone is drugged out and full of themselves! Come on people, life can be really exciting....even without sex (haha tell me I said that when I am in a deppressed mood and I won't believe you). But seriously, if you've got a problem and you're not happy about your life, at least figure it out rationally and see what you can do about it. (Trust me, I'm no Republican! but I do think there must be SOMETHING you can do to help yourself!) Well, I am really interested in sociology and psychology and all that, and of course I too am full of myself, so I like to analyse myself and others. So, I am wondering if we all have something in common that led us to turn out this way...if there is a recipe, as it were, to make a life long (or hopefully simply decades long) virgin. I'm not sure where to start exactlty, but it must start in childhood, so I'll describe mine. Please do the same, and maybe we can see some common elements that will give us insight into the problem! I come from a ***ed up family (doesnt everyone say that?)...my mother has major psychological problems and is incredibly emotionally abusive. My father is passive aggressive and he never stood up to my mother for me or my sister. So I never had a good male role model...I think part of my problem, because girls dont really see me as a masculine figure. I had alot of social problems in elementary and midle school, and I got the social part relatively fixed, but I have never been cmfortable with physical intimacy. I am actually still really afraid of people in general, unless I know them, and I tend to be intimidated by men, unless they are the quiet sensitive types. Whenever I get attracted to a girl, I feel stuck...it's almost like I cannot envision myself being a sexual masculine person, I feel like I am stuck as a little boy in that respect. I remember I used to worry about it from a very early age, like when I was 10 i was so worried about the day in the future when i would want to ask a girl on a date, etc. A while back, when I was maybe 19 or so I used to ask myself, "When I was 10 I wasnt sexual and neither were most of my peers, Now I am 19 and most of them are sexual and I am not....where did we diverge?" Now I realise the problem did not start in my teens but rather goes back to my earliest childhood. Well, I guess I've written enough for now...please tell me about some of your histories and if we have anything in common! -E

Hi! I am yet another comrade in the same boat--I just turned 22 and am still a virgin. I spent years asking myself, what's wrong with me? For a long time I was able to blame it on my weight, but then I lost the weight. I finally came to realise it's something internal, in my psyche. Then I picked up this book: "Sexual Anorexia" by Patrick Cairns. It is really good, as it has helped me to understand my own emotional issues. I had never realised that I had prevented myself from having sex all these years, to maintain control. Now that I am learning this stuff, hopefully I will be able to get to the point where I can be comfortable being physically intimate with someone, but I think it will take a long time. Meanwhile, there is always that voice saying I'm abnormal because I cannot do this thing that most normal people are able to. I personally don't agree with those who say that you shouldn't worry, it will come in its time. That may be true, but at the same time, you may be preventing it from ever coming, so there never will be a "time" So please get this book and tell what you think!