Next Step and Competition

[Barg123]

So, about 3 months ago, I met this girl at a house party of a mutual friend. Most of the crowd was new to me and she had a boyfriend, so I didn't really get too close to her. A month later, after seeing each other every once in a while within the group, I was told that she broke up with her boyfriend (never met him), so I started to talk to her more often, both while in the larger group and sometimes just as the two of us. I didn't want to rush things since she just broke up and we both have a somewhat conservative mindset when it comes to relationships (or at least I do...). The communication has been pretty mutual so I really think that we both like each other, and not as "just friends". So, after a couple parties, chats and phone calls, and some dates, we arrive to this past weekend...

 

Halloween party at a nice club: big group, lots of mutual friends, and some new faces. When I arrived, the party was well under way, but most people were still just chatting/drinking. We greeted each other with a hug and resumed conversations all around. Halfway through my first drink, some new guy I haven't seen before drags her onto the dance floor and really worked it with her. Thoughout the night, two additional guys also seemed to be really all over her, on and off the dance floor. To be specific, holding her close as we saw the World Series game at the bar and pulling her into their lap when we were sitting/lounging. As much as I wanted to be one of those guys, the scene in "A Beautiful Mind" kept popping in my head and if I really wanted to get close to her, I shouldn't just be "touchy feely guy #4" for the night. I played it cool for the night and tried to convince myself that these guys were pursuing her out of the blue and that she wasn't playing all of us.

 

A couple nights later, we went bowling with the group (was planned a while ago cause we won a prize before for free rounds) and all 3 of the guys from the party before showed up (the two that I met only at the party weren't even on the original invite). Didn't seem like she was particularly interested in any of them, but one of them was still trying hard as heck to touch her any chance he got.

 

It's a bit hard to hard to assess my own situation here since I admittedly got really jealous the other night and doubted everything I've shared with this girl for the past couple months. Again, I think she still likes me as more than a friend, but I can't help but feel that she might view multiple guys as more than a friend. I guess I could use the opinion of any girls that got hit on by guys at parties (and allowed it) and tell me if it meant anything. Any additional advice for my next action or review of my situation would be really useful, thanks.

[servedcold]

This girl sounds desirable, you are fighting against high odds if you continue to hope you can get something going in public with all the blockers around. Try to get her number, call and ask her out. Drop the "conservative" attitude about relationships. If you want to win a desirable woman, you have to take risk and be assertive to get what you want. Most women want a man whom they can tell really wants them, not someone lukewarm or waiting in the wings. As silly as it is, she will end up with one of the alpha flirters.

[galaxy71]

 

It's a bit hard to hard to assess my own situation here since I admittedly got really jealous the other night and doubted everything I've shared with this girl for the past couple months. Again, I think she still likes me as more than a friend, but I can't help but feel that she might view multiple guys as more than a friend. I guess I could use the opinion of any girls that got hit on by guys at parties (and allowed it) and tell me if it meant anything. Any additional advice for my next action or review of my situation would be really useful, thanks.

 

I have been in your situation before where a girl that I had chemistry with was being pursued by multiple guys. When I hesistated, the girl decided to date one of those guys who were aggressively pursuing her. I hate to say this but it does not look good for you. Not only are those guys talking to her, but they are not afraid of showing their interest by touching her. All that touching might be a little forward but it is still flirting. That touching is those guys' way of letting her know that they are interested in being more than friends with her.

 

You don't have much time left before she decides to date one of those other guys. It's now or never.

[Barg123]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll step up my efforts. Half-assing these things can only get a person so far.

[Barg123]

A bit of an update on my situation...

 

Got a bit more active and went out with her a few more times. The dates went well, but apparently not well enough since she started going out with her ex-boyfriend again. She still talks to me over the phone and online, so I'm figuring that somewhere down the line, I entered the "just friends" zone. Not sure if I missed a chance somewhere or if I never had a chance to begin with and just misread her intentions. Either way, girls that go back to the ex for any reason is a pretty big red flag in my mind.