Saying "I love you"

[Mr SIBLEY]

Does anyone think the word "love" is used to often. AND WAY too soon. I've been in relationships where people have said they've "loved" me after 2 months. I'd never buy that, ever.

 

I suppose that I'm different but I dont say I love someone until I actually fall in love with them. In my last relation ship I said it after 11 months (I'd known her for 5 years before). But it ended and I still have a soft spot for her. But that's not the point.

 

Do you think people say "I love you" too soon?

[Medguy8311]

I think that in general this has to do with experience/age/maturity.

 

As you get a bit older, have had more relationships, and learnt a bit more about the do's and don'ts, you become a bit less likely just to blurt it out in the first 2-3 months. I would say within the first year at the very most, you should have said it. I am at the 6+ months stage with my gf, and neither of us have said it yet, although I am pretty sure we both feel it - our interaction and affection for each other says that. I am sure one of us will say it soon, but I know we're both scared to - another result of experience and learning from the past.

 

So yeah, to say it in the first couple of months, 9/10 is infatuation. Its when you've gotten used to each other, the "honeymoon" period is over, and perhaps you've even had a slightly rough patch (not necessarily arguing, but some external stress placed on you both, had to cope with something difficult etc) that if you STILL feel that, or feel it MORE - then you know you have something that you can call love..

[Frangipani]

Yeah, i agree. My ex told me he could see himself married to me within 3 weeks of dating and we had planned an os trip at 4 months. He dumped me after 7 months - why - because he didn't know how he felt. Broke my heart

[SinfullySweet]

In general, yes. Sometimes you really do fall in love quickly. With my ex it was infatuation at first sight, but I fell in love with him after knowing him for two or three weeks. Everything moved fast with us (we spent the first night we met cuddling, 4 days later I had dinner with his parents and he had brunch with my parents, the next day we had a title, a week later we went on a double date with my best friend, we talked for hours every night....). I didn't say it for 4 or 5 months. I still love him and he still loves me even if it isn't the same love we shared when we were in a relationship. We still talk almost daily.

 

I my opinion, people use "love" way too often and it devalues the word. I've had guys fall in "love" with me after a couple of dates. When I tell them I need space they get all creepy and start begging and sending mushy texts. That always just shows me how little they know about me - if they knew me well enough to love me then they would know that I'm not very sensitive or mushy (until I'm in a relationship).

[Scootchy]

I told my gf I loved her a tiny bit over 1 month of being with her. She said that she loved me as well. We have been telling each other that we love each other everyday ever since. We have been together for over 6 months now.

 

Tell each other that you love one another when you know it to be true.

[Cimmie]

Most people say 'I love you' when what they mean is 'I want you'.

[Boldger]

Do you think people say "I love you" too soon?

 

Yes.

 

I told my gf I loved her a tiny bit over 1 month of being with her. She said that she loved me as well. We have been telling each other that we love each other everyday ever since. We have been together for over 6 months now.

 

Tell each other that you love one another when you know it to be true.

 

I've got to disagree with you here. Though I don't know the intricacies of your relationship I find it highly doubtful that the two of you really love each other. And at age 21 I would be surprised if you even know what love truly is/means.

[Scootchy]

How old are you Boldger?

 

I admit we are young, but we are old enough to know of the true mix of emotions that make up "love". We are both still virgins, we enjoy each other's company to no ends, and we are not planning on changing anything about our relationship that will cause a negative outcome.

 

We have never had a fight before neither, I just can't imagine what we could possibly fight about.

[Boldger]

How old are you Boldger?

 

I admit we are young, but we are old enough to know of the true mix of emotions that make up "love". We are both still virgins, we enjoy each other's company to no ends, and we are not planning on changing anything about our relationship that will cause a negative outcome.

 

We have never had a fight before neither, I just can't imagine what we could possibly fight about.

 

My age is irrelevent. I'm not trying to comment negatively on your relationship, it sounds great. The problem is that many relationships start out the way you just described. Wait a year, five years or a decade and tell me you feel the exact same way. Your feelings will change, I guarantee it. Either you will grow stronger in your relationship or it will fail, I hope it's the former. Just don't think you've got it all figured out.

 

Besides, fighting in a relationship is not a bad thing. It's a way for both partners to grow and communicate with each other and to strengthen the bond that lies between them.

 

The seemingly perfect relationship has no room for growth and will quickly grow stale.

[Scootchy]

"Besides, fighting in a relationship is not a bad thing. It's a way for both partners to grow and communicate with each other and to strengthen the bond that lies between them."

 

You make a good point Boldger. I will make sure that it never grows stale. I am consistently coming up with fresh, exciting things to spice things up between us. The best is yet to come. The growth in the relationship will be strengthened with the passage of time and in our own personal growth, just so will our love for each other. Our love has been growing since we started seeing each other.

 

"The seemingly perfect relationship has no room for growth and will quickly grow stale."

 

A perfect relationship can carry on to grow. The fact that its perfect means that there's no imperfections to iron out. Besides, there's lots of room for improvement in our relationship.

[Boldger]

A perfect relationship can carry on to grow. The fact that its perfect means that there's no imperfections to iron out. Besides, there's lots of room for improvement in our relationship.

 

That's good, and that's also why I said seemingly perfect relationship. A perfect relationship does not and cannot exist. (Disregarding semantics.)

[Dooferdingle]

i think it is said too much these days, but if it is really meant is another story.

personally, i say it when i feel it, theres no time scale for that, if i feel something i say it, if i dont, i wont.

my ex maybe said it three times in the 6 year relationship we had, it kind of gave me a complex.

my partner doesnt say it very often either, but i am happy with that, he shows it in other ways all the time, he says it often enough.

i think that saying it everyday can take the meaning away a little, its like me telling my man he has sexy eyes every single day, i would imagine after a few weeks he would get sick of hearing it?? just my opinion.

[Scootchy]

"i think that saying it everyday can take the meaning away a little, its like me telling my man he has sexy eyes every single day, i would imagine after a few weeks he would get sick of hearing it?? just my opinion."

 

I personally enjoy hearing cute compliments like that, it doesn't have to be every day, and not the same compliment. Other than that, they are great.

 

I mean I would like to hear my gf tell me that she missed me when we are apart for a few days. Or I look good when I dress up smartly. Stuff like that.

[Lucy_lou]

I think a lot of people put a lot of weight on the word love. But I personally think everyone has the right to use it as frugally or as liberally as they so choose.

 

I think love is better expressed through actions than words, and I would judge a person's love for me in what they say and do, but not in whether or how much they say they love me. I would recommend a discipline of trying to say everything but the word love as an exercise of creativity. In the end, if you use every word but I love you, what you say to that person will be more real, more personalised and more believable than the generic ole I love you, which could mean anything.

 

There's a famous song, a duet, originally in french where the girl is saying "I love you, oh I love you" and the guy is saying "nor do I, nor do I." (amidst lots of heavy breathing and moans) I think that says it all. "I love you is this thing which bubbles up and bursts out of our mouths when we're in a moment of intese passion. You want to say it, even if it's not real love, but you know, just this big red love heart passion thing.

[amtjrtcet]

Does anyone think the word "love" is used to often. AND WAY too soon. I've been in relationships where people have said they've "loved" me after 2 months. I'd never buy that, ever.

 

I suppose that I'm different but I dont say I love someone until I actually fall in love with them. In my last relation ship I said it after 11 months (I'd known her for 5 years before). But it ended and I still have a soft spot for her. But that's not the point.

 

Do you think people say "I love you" too soon?

 

I think its said too early, too often, and too easily. My ex and I didn't say I love you til we'd been together almost 2 yrs. My boyfriend and I said it after 4 months, which was really really soon. I've never been one to say "I love you" very much. My family isn't that way either. My boyfriend and I don't say it on the phone and rarely say it in person, maybe every 2 wks or so.

 

I do agree that alot of it has to do with maturity, but then again there are some people who feel comfortable enough to say it whenever. Not me.

[Medguy8311]

I admit we are young, but we are old enough to know of the true mix of emotions that make up "love". We are both still virgins, we enjoy each other's company to no ends, and we are not planning on changing anything about our relationship that will cause a negative outcome.

 

Scootchy -

 

I think the problem with being in love (as you are in your current situation) is that you both still have a lot of hurdles coming your way which can potentially (and likely will) make your feelings run high and create emotions that you may not have yet felt. Namely, I am talking about a sexual relationship in the true sense of the word. People do change once their relationship becomes sexual - more demanding, more jealous/insecure/possesive etc. Its not all bad stuff, but your relationship is at a very early stage in many ways. Once you have had to overcome a challenge or two, had a few arguments that these "challenges" will no doubt cause, then and only then will you know whether your relationship and feelings are stronger or weaker...

 

Not trying to be patronising. At the moment times are good (it seems) for you both. That, by the laws of probability and life as it is, will not last and its when you can both get through the tougher times that you really know if the love is true.

 

You wont cause a negative outcome, but you can guarantee that sooner or later some external force around you both will. The test is dealing with that outcome and getting through it together.

[Scootchy]

Well said, good point, true that.

 

I am willing to take on these challenges and give it my best to come out on top. I just hope she will be too. I do feel that she will.

 

Thanks Medguy

[Boldger]

That's exactly what I've been trying to say, I'm just not very good with words.

[Nixee]

Most people say 'I love you' when what they mean is 'I want you'.

 

haha... the cynic in me is giggling.

 

People also say 'I love you' sometimes when what they mean is 'I love the idea of being in love!'

[Gath]

Does anyone think the word "love" is used to often. AND WAY too soon. I've been in relationships where people have said they've "loved" me after 2 months. I'd never buy that, ever.

 

I suppose that I'm different but I dont say I love someone until I actually fall in love with them. In my last relation ship I said it after 11 months (I'd known her for 5 years before). But it ended and I still have a soft spot for her. But that's not the point.

 

Do you think people say "I love you" too soon?

 

yes, i agree. but i dont know if its because some people confuse infatuation with love, or just fall in love really easily.

 

me, i take a while to feel what i consider love to be. i might strongly like someone (and be quite lustful for them), but when i think of love, its not just a feeling its a commitment. if i love someone then i'm going to try and orient my life around being with them. it took a long time with my last gf. and i think i still said it too soon because we drifted apart (despite efforts to prevent it).

[havefaith]

My bf and I started throwing the word "love" around all the time and it really did stop having meaning. Now that we have decided to slow things down and quit being so serious, we have stopped saying it all together. I know one day it will be said again, and actions speak louder than words - it's clear he does love me. But why do the words need to justify an entire relationship?

 

I think people say it way too often for sure, and it loses all its meaning. I'm with amt on this one.

[Hope143]

My boyfriend said "i love u" to me only the first month of being together. I don't think he really meant it. Since our first fight... we've stopped saying it and never said it until 2 months ago but then it was only that one time. i think we are both still unsure that is why we never say it to each other we've been together for 1 yr and half and still for some reason both of us still feel awkward saying it. it is never really said.

How can we be together for a yr and half and still be unsure? We've never had conversation about it. does that seem weird to anyone?

[kuys]

My boyfriend said "i love u" to me only the first month of being together. I don't think he really meant it. Since our first fight... we've stopped saying it and never said it until 2 months ago but then it was only that one time. i think we are both still unsure that is why we never say it to each other we've been together for 1 yr and half and still for some reason both of us still feel awkward saying it. it is never really said.

How can we be together for a yr and half and still be unsure? We've never had conversation about it. does that seem weird to anyone?

 

sounds exactly like my situations, she wanted to say it but never actually said it during first 3 months, nw its been about 15 months and we still havent said it. She was the one who really wanted to say it, as for me, I dunno if I can say it and mean it, which is a whole different story.....

[starsjam]

i believe that in order for love to be something of true meaning it doesnt need to be expressed outwardly, but rather its something thats true meaning rests inside ones heart

[roberte]

I guess, no matter your age, the important thing here is “When do YOU think it’s too early to say I love you” in a relationship?

 

I’ve got a good idea (although you haven’t posted back), that you think you’re “untouchable”. Maybe even “unloveable”.

 

Time to work on the old self-esteem I’d say.

 

Or just not date for a while.

 

Love can be overused, but not in real life… just TV and movies… and YouTube videos.

 

And maybe you just don’t show it enough to see it.

 

Very sad for you.