Being extra sensitive to the way people treat you: Exposure or avoid?

[Boldger]

There's a myriad of reasons one would continue to feel sorry for themselves.

 

No one chooses to feel bad.

 

Uh, yes they do. The same reason a child whines when they don't get their way. It's much easier to sulk and be depressed then to man up to the situation, realize that they can continue sulking or change themselves.

 

Again, I don't mean any offence but you seem to be severely out of touch with reality.

 

Right...

 

People can change their moods or attitudes in an instant if they wanted to. They can grow up and stop being immature crybabies, realize that millions of people have it infinately worse than they, and work to make their situation a better one.

 

They don't because it's not easy work. It requires effort, accepting responsibility for one's actions and the realization that nobody has power over them unless it is given.

 

Don't like it? Then continue to be depressed and feel sorry for yourself.

[buckdawg]

And why on earth would anyone choose to feel bad anyway?

 

Again, I don't mean any offence but you seem to be severely out of touch with reality.

 

it's a defense mechanism. they're afraid to get out and experience new things so they convince themselves that their life is miserable and why bother.

 

happiness is not dependant on a string of events that happen to go in your favor. happiness is a choice. i know it's hard to see that sometimes (took me 35 years) but it's the honest to god truth.

 

and while our good friend boldger is somewhat blunt (nothing wrong with that ) he is dead on. feeling sorry for ones self is a no growth situation. now i am perfectly willing to accept that a little of it is fine especially in the beginning. but those who choose to continue to feel sorry for themselves are choosing NOT to be happy.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Well, I still totally do not agree that people choose to be unhappy, that they can suddenly snap out of it if they wanted too, and it's just all their fault.

 

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

[buckdawg]

Well, I still totally do not agree that people choose to be unhappy, that they can suddenly snap out of it if they wanted too, and it's just all their fault.

 

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

 

until you realize it you'll continue to live in the hell you've created around you

[ilovepoemsalot]

I'd like to ask something.

 

Why do you guys have lives and buy material objects? What was the reason for choosing this if you can just make yourself feel happy anyway?

 

Why not just sit in a room all day and all night with nothing in there and just stare at the wall if you can just feel happy anyway? Why bother going to the trouble of buying things to entertain you and creating yourself a life?

[buckdawg]

I'd like to ask something.

 

Why do you guys have lives and buy material objects? What was the reason for choosing this if you can just make yourself feel happy anyway?

 

Why not just sit in a room all day and all night with nothing in there and just stare at the wall if you can just feel happy anyway?

 

i used to buy a lot of things. my life was empty so i thought filling it with cool new gadgets would make me happy. funny thing though, it never did. i would get so fixated on the latest and greatest things it would consume my thoughts. over something that i wouldn't even care about in a month.

 

now, i have a wish list for sure. but the items on it are more thought out and can wait until it's responsible for me to buy them. i'd really really like a Nikon D40 camera and a ps3 but i can't drop the money for those now. plus i also know that christmas is right around the corner and making sure my kids have a decent christmas is more important than a camera or video game console to me.

 

it's not the 'objects' in life that make you happy.

 

and why would i site in a room and stare at the walls when i can go take a walk in the park or be with my kids?

[ilovepoemsalot]

Well why do you go in the park and walk with your kids and do all the other things you do?

 

Why does anyone do this? The answer is because it feels good, or that you will eventually get some gain from it that will make you feel good.

 

So if you can just make yourself feel happy anyway, why bother with going to the trouble of doing these things?

 

For the record though, I've found that material objects have made me happier in life. Not that I'm saying it's wrong that material objects don't bring happiness, just that everyone is different.

[buckdawg]

Well why do you go in the park and walk with your kids and do all the other things you do?

 

Why does anyone do this? The answer is because it feels good, or that you will eventually get some gain from it that will make you feel good.

 

So if you can just make yourself feel happy anyway, why bother with going to the trouble of doing these things?

 

For the record though, I've found that material objects have made me happier in life. Not that I'm saying it's wrong that material objects don't bring happiness, just that everyone is different.

 

because those things are worthwhile to me. if staring at a wall in an empty room is what brings happiness to you then by all means...knock yourself out! everyone's different.

 

you didn't sound very happy the other day when kids were bashing your youtube videos.

[ilovepoemsalot]

because those things are worthwhile to me. if staring at a wall in an empty room is what brings happiness to you then by all means...knock yourself out! everyone's different.

 

But you've just been saying you can choose to be happy. So why do you need external things to bring yourself happiness?

 

And no, staring at a wall wouldn't make me happy. As I was saying before, I cannot choose to be happy and I don't think most people can.

 

you didn't sound very happy the other day when kids were bashing your youtube videos.

 

I don't know what this has to do with anything, but it sounds like you're having a go at me here. Why are you getting angry?

[buckdawg]

But you've just been saying you can choose to be happy. So why do you need external things to bring yourself happiness?

 

And no, staring at a wall wouldn't make me happy. As I was saying before, I cannot choose to be happy and I don't think most people can.

 

 

I don't know what this has to do with anything, but it sounds like you're having a go at me here. Why are you getting angry?

 

it's not my job to make you happy lol. i'm just saying it is a choice and you can argue all you want. i used to have the same argument too. i used to think like you did, until i got tired of it. do what you want man, it's your life.

 

and i'm not having a go at you at all. i'm just pointing out that the material things in your life weren't making you happy a couple days ago. sensitive much?

[Boldger]

So why do you need external things to bring yourself happiness?

 

The whole point is that you do not need those things to be happy. I play computer games because I enjoy them but they are not the cause of my happiness.

 

As I was saying before, I cannot choose to be happy and I don't think most people can.

 

Yes you can, and so can everybody else. Keep telling yourself you can't and you never will. It's your life, oh wait, no it's not. It's the life that everyone else around you dictates it is.

[ilovepoemsalot]

it's not my job to make you happy lol. i'm just saying it is a choice and you can argue all you want. i used to have the same argument too. i used to think like you did, until i got tired of it. do what you want man, it's your life.

 

and i'm not having a go at you at all. i'm just pointing out that the material things in your life weren't making you happy a couple days ago. sensitive much?

 

Oh yeah, but that was because something which I percived as bad happened. That doesn't mean that my material things don't make me happy, it has nothing to do with anything else.

 

Even if you're happy in life you can still get pissed off or depressed if something bad happens.

[ilovepoemsalot]

The whole point is that you do not need those things to be happy. I play computer games because I enjoy them but they are not the cause of my happiness.

 

They give you pleasure, why do you want pleasure? To be happy in life.

 

But if you can just think yourself happy, then why go to the trouble of buying a computer and games? Why even work?

 

 

 

 

Yes you can, and so can everybody else. Keep telling yourself you can't and you never will. It's your life, oh wait, no it's not. It's the life that everyone else around you dictates it is.

 

Well like I said, there's no point in us debating about whether we can or we can't, I'm never going to make you change your mind and you're never going to change my mind.

 

Not sure what you mean by the last bit though about people dictating what my life is.

[Boldger]

Even if you're happy in life you can still get pissed off or depressed if something bad happens.

 

We never said you couldn't. It's healthy to vent or feel frustration and anger, these are natural emotions. Letting them dictate your life is another story.

 

They give you pleasure, why do you want pleasure? To be happy in life.

 

But if you can just think yourself happy, then why go to the trouble of buying a computer and games? Why even work?

 

People choose to be happy, regardless of what personal possessions they have. These things can enhance your life, but they do not make you happy. I'm really not sure how to make that any more clearer.

 

Not sure what you mean by the last bit though about people dictating what my life is.

 

I thought it was obvious. You're miserable because other people are making you miserable and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

 

/sarcasm

[ilovepoemsalot]

We never said you couldn't. It's healthy to vent or feel frustration and anger, these are natural emotions. Letting them dictate your life is another story.

 

Dictating my life as in making me want to kill myself? Well, it still doesn't have to mean you aren't happy in life or that possesions havn't made you more happier in life than you was before.

 

 

 

People choose to be happy, regardless of what personal possessions they have. These things can enhance your life, but they do not make you happy. I'm really not sure how to make that any more clearer.

 

You can make it as clear as you want, it still doesn't change the fact that if people were perfectly happy in life with nothing, then it would be pointless in seeking pleasure, as we seek pleasure to enhance the quality of our lifes, in other words to feel happy in life.

 

 

I thought it was obvious. You're miserable because other people are making you miserable and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

 

/sarcasm

 

Why are you being sarcastic? I thought we were just having a debate, no need to get worked up. Be happy, remember? Lol.

 

Yes, people can make other people miserable and there's nothing that the person/victim can do about that.

 

By your logic Saddam Hussain isn't to blame, it's his victims who are to blame.

[JadedStar]

The whole point is that you do not need those things to be happy. I play computer games because I enjoy them but they are not the cause of my happiness.

 

 

 

Yes you can, and so can everybody else. Keep telling yourself you can't and you never will. It's your life, oh wait, no it's not. It's the life that everyone else around you dictates it is.

 

If a person is buying things for happiness all I can assure you is that the happiness is temporary. Materialistic items do not bring real happiness. Just fleeting moments of joy.

 

True happiness is something that comes from within that person.

 

You can make it as clear as you want, it still doesn't change the fact that if people were perfectly happy in life with nothing, then it would be pointless in seeking pleasure, as we seek pleasure to enhance the quality of our lifes, in other words to feel happy in life.

 

Just because something is pleasurable doesn't mean it makes that person a happy individual overall.

 

Example, person A is very self loathing, miserable and negative. But Person A loves computer games so he goes to Target and buys a new $100 dollar computer game. It brings him enormous pleasure.

 

But Person A is still not happy and still negative and miserable with other people because that video game hasn't changed how he feels about himself as a person or the world around him, hence not making him a well rounded happy person.

[JadedStar]

Ilovepoems,

 

Altho pleasure and happiness are close first cousins there are subtle differences and I think when you have been using the term happy a better term in its place would have been "pleasurable".

 

Pleasure: an activity that affords enjoyment

 

Happy: An overall sense of well being and contentment.

 

Matierialistic things are more inclined to produce pleasure (and almost always momentarily) vs make a person happy.

[Boldger]

Why are you being sarcastic? I thought we were just having a debate, no need to get worked up. Be happy, remember? Lol.

 

Sarcasm is a figure of speech. It does not dictate my mood in any way.

 

By your logic Saddam Hussain isn't to blame, it's his victims who are to blame.

 

There's a logical fallacy called a Straw Man. Look up what it means, and try not to do it again. Torturing, starving, and using biological warfare on civilians is quite different than making mean remarks or comments on Youtube. No other comment on this.

 

The rest of your post has already been answered in my previous posts or answered in JadedStar's post.

[ilovepoemsalot]

If a person is buying things for happiness all I can assure you is that the happiness is temporary. Materialistic items do not bring real happiness. Just fleeting moments of joy.

 

True happiness is something that comes from within that person.

 

Take someone with nothing, sat in a room staring at a wall. He's dying of boredom all the time.

 

If you suddenly gave him a tv, internet, videogames, music and whatever, he would feel more happier in life.

 

Just because something is pleasurable doesn't mean it creates happiness in your life.

 

Example, person A is very self loathing, miserable and negative. But Person A loves computer games so he goes to Target and buys a new $100 dollar computer game. It brings him enormous pleasure.

 

But Person A is not happy.

 

You're right, something that is pleasurable wont create happiness in their life, but people look for things that give them pleasure, whether it's a videogame or to take their kids for a walk in the park, as this enhances quality of life and well being, in other words living this kind of lifestyle makes you feel more happier in life.

 

If you can just make yourself feel happy in life by deciding to be, then it's pointless looking for pleasurable things to do to make your life an enjoyable one or a happy one.

 

Kinda like walking for 2 miles to get a glass of water from a clean lake when you've got a tap right near to you at home that you can get water from, it's pointless.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Sarcasm is a figure of speech. It does not dictate my mood in any way.

 

Usually someone starts being sarcastic in an argument or debate because they're starting to get pissed off. But if you aren't getting pissed off, then I believe you, sorry for the misunderstanding. Still no need to start getting rude though.

 

We're all adults aren't we? Can't we have a civilised debate with out our posts turning vile?

 

 

 

There's a logical fallacy called a Straw Man. Look up what it means, and try not to do it again. Torturing, starving, and using biological warfare on civilians is quite different than making mean remarks or comments on Youtube. No other comment on this.

 

The rest of your post has already been answered in my previous posts or answered in JadedStar's post.

 

But surely these people can just snap out of it though and choose to be happy?

 

The fact is I know the saddam thing is more serious than nasty remarks on youtube, but just because nasty remarks on youtube can really get you down, doesn't have to mean you're unhappy in life, it could be any number of issues.

[JadedStar]

Take someone with nothing, sat in a room staring at a wall. He's dying of boredom all the time.

 

If you suddenly gave him a tv, internet, videogames, music and whatever, he would feel more happier in life.

 

I just don't think you are getting what is being said tho. Providing diversions and materialistic possessions provide "pleasure" they do not make one content overall with their lives and that would be more what the definition of happy would be. It is okay to disagree but i don't think you are interpreting what Boldger has been saying the way he is meaning it and that is why I chimed in hoping that example would help. .

 

I was not a happy person in my early 20s. But i had a lot of material things that made me feel pleasure and temporarily gave me a boost of happiness but THEY DID NOT make me happy overall.

 

As soon as the newhess wears off a person goes right back to being miserable if they were miserable prior to the purchase.

[Boldger]

If you suddenly gave him a tv, internet, videogames, music and whatever, he would feel more happier in life.

 

You don't know what happiness is then. He will only be happy if he chooses to be happy.

 

But surely these people can just snap out of it though and choose to be happy?

 

You're trying to compare physical torture with being criticized on Youtube and it doesn't work.

[ilovepoemsalot]

We can debate it all night, it doesn't matter what you say or how you twist things (not that I'm accusing you of doing that), it will not change the fact that most people including myself do not choose to be unhappy and cannot suddenly stop themselves from being unhappy and make themselves happy by choosing to be that way like they're flicking on a light switch.

 

I think you'll find that most people will not agree with you on the 'snap out of it' mentallity. As for most of us it's not that easy at all, in fact it's not possible.

 

If you do have the ability to choose to be happy which then makes you not depressed anymore and suddenly happy, then that's great, there's no reason for me to not believe you, you've got a very special ability that most of don't have.

[Boldger]

We can debate it all night, it doesn't matter what you say or how you twist things (not that I'm accusing you of doing that), it will not change the fact that most people including myself do not choose to be unhappy and cannot suddenly stop themselves from being unhappy and make themselves happy by choosing to be that way like they're flicking on a light switch.

 

Just so you know, it makes me cringe when you say that it's a fact.

 

I think you'll find that most people will not agree with you on the 'snap out of it' mentallity.

 

Of course not, most people are lazy or just simply not strong enough emotionally or mentally (not that they can't build up that strength or improve upon it). Still not sure where you get that snap out of it mentality from, I don't think that's been stated anywhere. To requote myself:

 

They don't because it's not easy work. It requires effort, accepting responsibility for one's actions and the realization that nobody has power over them unless it is given.

[ilovepoemsalot]

I didn't explain my post properly, when I was talking about someone being in a room all the time with nothing, I was talking about him living like thta.

 

Quite a few years ago I had nothing, I was depressed and was suffering a lot of social anxiety, so it wasn't like I could just go out and make friends and get a job.

 

I was just sat at home all day and night with absolutley nothing to do. All I had was some magazines and I ended up having to just repeatedly read them all day. This life style made me feel miserable, it was * * * *. This was how I was living for a very long time.

 

After a couple of years I started getting disability money, and over the period of about a year I bought myself a TV, a stereo, satalitte tv, game console, video games, and the net. I never had to live like I was living before, I was and still am always entertained. I very very rarely feel bored, it probably nly happens about once every 3 or 4 months and will only last for maybe 30 mins max. As apposed to feeling bored permenently day in day out before.

 

These material possession, have increased my quality of life A LOT, they have made a big difference, a really big difference, it's been really great for my well being and I do feel way way way more happier in life than I did before.