8 Years together - I'm thinking of ending it.

[tangi39]

Think about this- What is the real reason the two of you have stayed together so long ?

I think once you answer that honestly- you will have you answer.

Any relationship after that long is going to get a little stale, predictable, etc.

And I think no matter who you are with that will happen- so I do think you should be careful about having a "grass is always greener" mentality- maybe it has nothing to do with this particular girl and you just don't like the idea of committment period ? But I think you should talk & I think you need to be honest with her and yourself. But should you decide to split, be prepared to lose her forever and ask yourself if that's something you can handle.

 

Good Luck !

[Sunshine3]

was the relationship just getting "stale" and needs a little jump start?

 

Relationships are similar to maintaining your car......

treat your car well, it will treat you well......take care of it...clean it....bring it in for yearly check ups, oil changes....and if you hit a rock in the road and get a flat tire......don't worry just change the tire.....and get back in the car and drive. If we didn't have to work at maintaining our relationships..and it was too easy for us...wouldn't that be boring?

There is something truly special about having one relationship in your lifetime...I just wish our questions could be answered more clearly..

Good luck- we all need it!

[prizeless]

Do you think you might have some underlying issues against marriage? Just as an example of how I feel, I have been with my girlfriend for a long time. We have agreed to being married someday, however every time it comes to set a date I keep pushing it back and back. It has been delayed almost 2 years now. I am afraid of getting married, I think it is mostly because I spend too much time reading forums about relationship failures. I am scared of the consequences that could happen if SOMETHING happens in the future that causes a divorce. I am worried about financial loss, alimony, and all the other crap that comes along with divorce. There is too much too lose. I have told her that I am scared numerous times and she says that she understands, however I am afraid that if I don't marry her I might lose her because her friends are getting married and I know how bad she wants that level of commitment, even though she doesn't admit it.

 

Maybe that is what you are afraid of? If you don't think that is what it is, then it might be possible that you aren't really truly in love with her, and that you are only with her as more of a friends with benefits kind of situation, except that you two like to hang out together sometimes.

[random_stranger]

I have a simple test for you.

 

If somebody "better" came along (looks, personality, whatever you deem as "better" than your current gf), and that somebody feels the same way about you too, would you leave your current gf?

 

Obviously, you don't have to tell us your answer, but please be honest with yourself. If you honestly would jump ship as soon as somebody else better comes along, please please please! break up with her now. It'll hurt like hell, but it's a lot better than having you dump her over another girl later. Don't string her along because you're afraid you can't find somebody better or because you're afraid of hurting her (or have her hate you). Trust me, you're doing both of you a favor.

 

Have some respect for the years that you've spent together and stop wasting her time.

[shoppingGirl]

I think if she was "the one" you would know it by now. That is a long time to still be uncertain. Does SHE want to marry YOU? If so that changes things a bit because I don't think it is fair to her to stay knowing you don't want to marry her. She should get a chance to find a man who does want that with her.

[flor12241]

Personally I think if after 9 years you are not sure whether this girl is the person you want to share your life with…. it would be better to tell her and let her go. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years and my ex left me all of a sudden, after we went on holidays.

It hurt a lot, really a lot. But what hurt the most was to realize afterwards that for the last 6 months he was already out of the relationship and had already asked his mother and friends for advice but never told me anything until he had already made his decision. I will NEVER forget him for that. How selfish can one be to do this? To see that something is not wrong and instead to tell the person you are sharing your life with, keep it for yourself and your friends? What kind of loving relationship is that?

 

You will hurt this girl for sure but you have two options. If you think the relationship could still work and are not sure about your feelings, you should tell her this to try to find a solution and you two might go to counseling to solve your problems. If you don’t want to work to save the relationship or you are sure that she is not the right person for you, tell her as soon as possible. She has the right to know and yes, it will hurt, but she will survive. But once you take this decision don’t go back: always remember what you wrote here and make it clear to her that there is no hope to get back together.

 

I was already dumped and this is what I would like if it happened to me again.

[Beyondthesea]

After 9 years, if you don't know, it's time to walk.

[lizer]

perhaps you could ask how SHE feels about your relationship. does she want to get married right now? why do you feel like you need to get married right now? my friend has been with her boyfriend for almost 9 years (they started dating when she was 14).. and she isnt in any rush to get married.

 

i dont think its the girl you have a problem with. i think its marrriage. i think you're taking her for granted. and i'll tell you why. love isnt a feeling. its an action. dont suddenly start coming up with excuses as to why you aren't compatible. its really just about you not really caring to put the effort into loving her anymore. if you thought she was 'dry' 'humorless' 'way too shy'.... you would've totally left her YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS ago. no?

why'd you stick around so long if she wasnt anything special?

 

ask yourself those serious questions and for craps sake COMMUNICATE to her these feelings you are having and ASK HOW SHE FEELS. this is vital. dont come on here and ask total strangers and NOT discuss it with her. thats awful.