Afraid he'll lose feeling for me.

[Empathy]

I've been very, severely depressed lately and as a result my bf has begun distancing himself from me because it affects him so much when I get this way. I told him to distance himself if he needed to because I don't want to burden him with my terrible pain. But I've noticed he's been distancing himself in a way that I didn't want him to. When he leaves me voicemails, instead of the usual "I love you, baby" at the end he's been saying "later" and even told me that he didn't want me coming over today because he didn't want us to fight. Even though I had no intention of bringing my problems to him. As a result this has depressed me more and made me afraid that he'll start loving me less.

 

The way I see it is if he distances himself from me then he'll start to lose feeling for me. And the manner in which he's been doing it makes me feel less loved. Am I wrong to worry about this? Isn't it true that by him distancing himself so that he doesn't feel as much he will begin to lose feeling for me over all? He says he doesn't see how it will make him love me any less. But thats how I see it.

[PeanutButter]

if things DRASTICALLY changed then yeh maybe.

[jp89]

Well, I suppose if he felt the same feelings for you as you do for him, then he wouldn't want to distance himself from you.

 

I'd say, he COULD be loosing some feelings for you. Who knows, but I'd think he'd want you around more if he "loved" you.

 

Good luck

[cc2006]

Well, I suppose if he felt the same feelings for you as you do for him, then he wouldn't want to distance himself from you.

 

I'd say, he COULD be loosing some feelings for you. Who knows, but I'd think he'd want you around more if he "loved" you.

 

Good luck

 

I loved my ex very much ... but she was deeply depressive at times and it caused me all kinds of pain. I'm sure it was made worse by the fact that she'd poorly communicate her feelings and it always sounded like her depression was my fault somehow.

 

There is only so much you can 'handle' ... and also ... if someone is repeatedly depressive and doesn't seem to be doing anything to get themselves out of the constant cycle, then it looks poorly on them, in my opinion. You think "gee is my entire life going to be a constant struggle to make my partner happy ... only to be dragged down with him/her into depression as well?"

 

It is hard to love a depressive person unconditionally. Their mood drags you down, and then you too are saddened. If it occurs repeatedly (as it did with my ex I feel) then it becomes a constant downward drag on your happiness that can be difficult to crawl back out of.

 

This drag can lead to feeling like ... "maybe I'd be better if I wasn't with this person" or "s/he isn't doing anything to make her/his situation better ... so s/he doesn't seem to care about how it makes me feel or how it effects me or our relationship." It grinds away at the relationship and/or can grind away at your feelings of love toward your partner.

 

Sometimes it just leads to one of those "well, maybe love just isn't enough moments".

 

 

Just my .02

 

... and I agree with Seafarer227 ... if you told him to distance himself and he did, I don't see how you can be so shocked.

[Empathy]

I told you, I was shocked at the way he did it. Does it mean he has to stop telling me he loves me??? I also wanted to add that I'm doing everything I can to help myself right now. I have an appt. with my shink to be put on some meds and I've even been listening to Christian music to lift my mood and I'm agnostic. lol. I have been going to some pretty extreme lengths...So, I am trying. The reason I've been so depressed is I've been sick for two years and keep getting the run around from doctors. I'm afraid I'll never know what's causing all of these debilitating symptoms and it leads me to depression and suicidal thoughts. I can't control the fear I have that I may never get better. The only thing I can do is medicate myself to help cope with it all. I just need some time until my appt. and then I can work towards that.

 

I also wanted to add that I have NO problem communicating my feelings thoroughly and I believe that may actually be part of the problem. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't communicate them to him at all.

[PeanutButter]

listen to rascal flatts=].

[Gath]

I told you, I was shocked at the way he did it. Does it mean he has to stop telling me he loves me???

 

distancing himself probably means he's trying to stop loving you. it means he's trying to lessen the emotional investment he has in your relationship so that your depression won't hurt him anymore.

I also wanted to add that I'm doing everything I can to help myself right now. I have an appt. with my shink to be put on some meds and I've even been listening to Christian music to lift my mood and I'm agnostic. lol. I have been going to some pretty extreme lengths...So, I am trying. The reason I've been so depressed is I've been sick for two years and keep getting the run around from doctors. I'm afraid I'll never know what's causing all of these debilitating symptoms and it leads me to depression and suicidal thoughts. I can't control the fear I have that I may never get better. The only thing I can do is medicate myself to help cope with it all. I just need some time until my appt. and then I can work towards that.

 

I also wanted to add that I have NO problem communicating my feelings thoroughly and I believe that may actually be part of the problem. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't communicate them to him at all.

 

Yes, you shouldn't burden him too much with your feelings. Constnatly acting down and unhappy around him is more likely to make you feel worse and make him not want to be around you. sure part of the time he should be supporting you and trying to help you feel better, but you can't expect him to spend his life doing that. you need to listen to the help he offers and feel better, or leave him alone.

 

Bottom line, you asked him to distance himself, and he is. either tell him you were wrong and don't want him to leave you, or get used to it.

[Empathy]

I appreciate everyone's advice. I really do. But I don't appreciate the "tough love" attitude that most of the members have taken on here lately. The advice given here I find to be a little too harsh. You have all been right but I'm not exactly happy with the way its been presented. What happened to the compassion I found here 3 years ago??? I understand that you all have your points of view. But someone feeling the way I do doesn't need the "tough love" and the air of superiority that I've been picking up from here lately. I think its time I stopped coming here. I don't want to. Because at times like this I feel its the only place I have to go. But I can't stand it anymore. I always end up feeling worse in the end. I think there is just too much bitterness here now.