I've finally ended it...Why do I still feel bad?

[lgirl2]

I wrote a couple of days ago about an ex who I found out went accross the country to meet a women he met online. After I found out, we never really talked about it and just ended it. He didn't understand after that however that eventhough he was not in love with me anymore, he still loved me and why we couldn't remain "just friends" who slept with other occasionally and dated other people.

 

Well after calling me day after day I finally agreed to have a business meeting with him and his friend. At first I was ok, but when he started acting like old times. I lost it. I started making sarcastic remarks to everything he said. I'm usually a very professional person and even after I saw how uncomfortable his friend was becoming, I just couldn't control myself. The nicer he was, the nastier I became.

 

Well he called me after he left, obviously embarrased and we argued on the phone. He was upset because he was tired of trying to being my friend and to put it nicely, did not feel he had to kiss up to me and if I couldn't be "civil" to him then he had nothing else to say to me. Since we have history (almost 10 years, he brought up hurts I inflicted on him as to why he fell out of love with me and did what he did) I told him eventhough that may be true, I felt he should have told me when he started a new relationship. He argued that our relationship was essentially over a few months before, so it wasn't a big deal. To make a long story short, we decided to dissolve our business relationship as well and will meet in a couple of days to split up the assets.

 

Not wanting to have too much bad blood between us, I called him to apologize and told him what I'd been telling him all along, that I felt that any contact we had was detrimental to my getting over him. I told him that I felt rejected, hurt and angry all natural feelings and trying to just jump in a friend mode would just cause me more pain than good. I told him I needed to grieve the relationship and go through my emotions naturally without his interference. I also told him that I didn't want us to hate each other and that one day we could be friends. Well he was totally ambivalent and flat out said he never wanted to have a friendhip with me, not now or ever. I know I shouldn't be upset but why do I feel so bad????

[Down-In-A-Hole]

First, I think you did a great thing by aknowledging that you need the "grievance" period. When my ex and I broke up a month ago we tried to stay friends immediately afterwards, but, as you guessed, it was too hard. So we have been totally out of contact with each other for the past 3 weeks...it is helping me immensely.

 

It's normal to feel upset after a breakup no matter how bad the other person was to you. I did the same things a year ago after a horrible relationship with another ex. I even tried to get it back going again even though I had been treated really bad and was very unhappy. Try not to fall into that trap. Remember why it ended and keep that in mind if you ever get the urge to "try again." Best wishes!

[russia]

glad you decided to close the joint venture. it couldn't carry on

 

and i am glad you finally saw his spots. did you notice? he wanted friendship when the business deal was on, but the minute it was over, there's no friendship???

 

yahoo! you don't have to feel bad over a weasel and scumbag like him! a freeloader. getting sex from you and money too!

 

but that's just logic, and your heart has stored up all these great memories of the past, so it won't let go. and there's no need to let go. those feelings are the memories of your life. take time to get on with your life, feel bad about treating him so bad, but always remember he deserved it too!