Does anyone have a success story for getting back together?

[diverp]

I have posted about my recent breakup with my ex. We had a very rocky 9 months where I would break up with her, we would get back together and she would get get back together with me. This was a routine cycle. She started seeing a therapist for things dealing with her past. I just started seeing a therapist and am starting to see some of my problem areas, things I sort of knew were issues, but never thought they were problematic enough to do anything about. Now that I see that these issues had something to do with my breakup, I want to make sure they never affect me again.

 

This last time, she broke up with me and said she needed time to heal, to get over issues from her past. Then she told me that she needed space from me but maybe we could see each other again in a couple of months. Then she tells me that she needs closure on our relationship or she will never heal, thereforeeee she wants no contact with me because it will just drag out her getting better. She doesn't want to plan on seeing each other in the future, but if our paths cross again, who knows.

 

I took this pretty hard and it is a good part of why I sought help for my problems in therapy. Here is my question. Does anyone have a success of being this split from their ex, then getting back together again? I would love to hear about some if anyone has any. I know I should probably move on, but I have such a hard time getting over her. I know she needs her therapy to make herself happy (she has many problems from her past, well before we ever met). I know we loved each other very much. We were engaged at one point. Our problem was communication and me not being ready for a commitment after a very short time of going out (6 months). I may be a romantic, but I truly believe that she is what I see as a perfect mate. I would like to try to get some kind of plan for getting her back, maybe contact in a few months or 6 months. I am not sure. I know some people will look at this and say "WAKE UP AND MOVE ON!!!", but I truly believe we were meant for each other and if not for one or two events in our lives last January, I am almost certain we would be very close to being married right now. We went from being in the perfect relationship to holding onto a remnant of the relationship in a relatively short period of time. I want to make something happen and I am curious if anyone else has a success story of doing so. Please let me know.

[Guest]

I know how you feel, and hopefully soon, I'll be able to share one with you. I hope...

[spiritualtraveler]

In my second year of college, I started dating a guy in the dorms. We dated until I went away to grad school. He broke up with me to date a bartender! Two weeks later he showed up at my doorstep- by then I was back with another ex. I called him three times in four years, just to catch up, never trying to get back. I finished grad school, moved and got my first real job. I saw how bad it was out there and knew he was such a good guy. I called him, hadn't seen him in 4 years, invited him to stay the weekend. We have been happily married for about four years. Could not be happier. We've discussed the whole scenario and both of us think that the reason it worked is because we broke up. One caveat though, neither one of us believed we would get back together, so we conducted our lives accordingly. So... if you want to move on you need to let her out of your mind. If you want it to work with her later.... you need to let her out of your mind. Got it?

[diverp]

Wow, that's a fantastic story. I'm really happy for you guys. It makes sense too. I suppose its sort of like allowing an old relationship that wasn't healthy/going to work/moving forward to die off and giving both people time to get the little things out of their memory that would sabotage a new relationship from going forward. Then, later on making a new relationship with this person as if it were a new one...learning all the good things about each other again, going through the dating and adoring again, etc.

 

Thanks for the response, I find that very helpful.

[surfdog]

Excellent story...I hope it turns out like that for me too! I can feel for anyone who has lost the love of their life...I just did...We should have been married by now except I HAD (I worked through it) an insecurity issue that caused a lot of problems. We were together for 4yrs and then a break, then talking for a few months and a few dates, then I let my insecurity get the best of me and she left...I hope you have good luck! Please reflect on yourself and how you can become better...I am!