Not Taking ED Seriously

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Two incidents lately that showed me I ought to be tackling this on top of flippin' 101 other things (not that I'd complain..;-) )

 

1 . My boyfriend and I went out for dinner last week. A normal size meal, neither of us had eaten much all day (he has strong anorexic tendencies/thoughts with some bulimic behaviours). We got back to his house, and it became quite obvious that we both wanted to have sex with the other...he says though "I want to but I just feel so fat and selfconscious at the moment".

 

I say "aw well...I think you arn't at all (fat), but ok, I know the feeling etc".

 

He says "Look, if I just go and purge this back up I'll be fine"

 

I say "..thats not great or terribly healthy, but I'm not going to stop you if you reckon its a good idea".

 

He goes and mechanically purges (in next room, I can hear it) in an efficient way. He brushes his teeth. Comes back and we have great sex as ever.

 

Thats messed, I know.

 

2 . I eat 1200 cals and have done a reasonable amount of exercise by 6pm a couple of days ago. Boyfriend says by text, do I want to go out for ice cream? I want to and say yes, and we later go, but FIRST I work out for an extra hour, and purge what I just ate.

 

Six years of such stuff. (Well 2 years with him, 4 years of having this before that). Neither of us are fat, or even heavy enough to be in MIDDLE of "healthy".

 

 

 

Yeah I'm in therapy...along with my depression and paranoia and OCD, I'm sick, sick, SICK of this, excuse the pun.

[Entropy Smith]

It sounds like you both have an eating disorder? Thats a double-edged sword cause if your trying to get better you could support each ohter but if one starts to drown one could pull the other one down.

 

Sounds like you kind of dig him alittle because of it...you know the score, you can move on or stick wtih him but you know what the deal is...personally, i think you should move on get yourself strong...but i'm not emotionally invovled of course.

[arwen]

I think that ED, anxiety, depressions... they are all symptoms of some basic thought patterns that do not function well- in both you and your partner. At least for me, being anorexic in the past is not much different from the anxiety and obsession I had/have (eh, remember the floor in my house I told you about) later in life.

 

All of these things should be addressed in therapy- I think they all belong to the same spectrum of things. Your ED is 'fed' by your obsessive thoughts- obsession is fed by anxiety and depression is, at least in my experience and view, the result of being exhausted and sick of all of the above. You are in therapy and I have 100% trust that you will be able to handle things. You are conscious and aware of what your mind does- and you are not afraid to look for help. Those are all really important when you want to get out of these negative patterns (both mentally and behaviorally). You can set an example for your bf and hope he gets inspired by your energy to work on things. As long as he is not the one holding you back from a better life. Otherwise, it's almost like two addicts keeping each other addicted- one cannot stop without the other- codependency is the word I think they use for that.

 

In the future, it may be an idea for you and your bf to do therapy together to work on possible co-dependency issues. You both have some very severe issues to work on- that does not mean that you will never overcome them. You are also both intelligent and beautiful people.

 

Hugs,

 

Arwen

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No way would I leave him over that..because it isn't a big issue. We don't encourage each other, we simply let each other get on with it..we're both adults now, and don't waste energy trying to "get each other better!"

 

 

I'm much more of the thought *im responsible only for my own behaviour* now, and this post was really just me trying to figure out why I ignore my own ED.

 

The thought of recovering to motivate him by setting an example isnt...he'd be proud of me but we see each other as separate people, and probably wouldnt even think of "following my lead"..unfortunately.

[Siriana]

Well if choose to put some more effort into recovering from ED (or at least putting it under control in a way you feel you're not ignoring it) and he doesn't do that, how hard will that be for you?

Would his decision not to change influence your motivation for successful battle?

Would your recovery had an effect onto your relationship?

I am not talking about you braking up with him - I am just thinking that a reason why you not taking ED seriously enough could hide in answers to those two questions?