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im really frustrated at the moment.

i know for a fact that i am a jelous and sometimes possesive individual,when it comes to my boyfriend. i mean like for example i wanted to see him the other day and he said he already had plans for the next couple of days.-for some reason this infuriated me,not so much coz he was seeing his friends but i felt as if he had not thought about me at all and that led to me thinking 'why doesnt he want to see me?'i know that probably sounds ridiculous to people reading this,but to me it doesnt sound that far off the mark.


its not like i want him to drop plans for me,coz if i said that i was going to see my friends then i wouldnt just not see them coz my boyfriend didnt want me to.


I know that im the one with the problem here,and i try to keep my mouth shut from saying things that arent called for and that il only regret later,but sometimes it is SO hard.


I think ive got some problems with insecurity and with needing attention all the time.Its just if im bored for more than half and hour i just go crazy and usually (though i hate to admit this) it ends up with me causing an argument with someone,not coz i WANT an argument,but coz i supose its a sub-conscious attempt to free myself from my anger and frustration. i always feel bad afterwards,but none the less it doesnt stop my feelings.


i just feel like i need constant attention from my bf and it makes me feel (and probably look) like such a loser.and if when im texting him and i say something nice and he doesnt say something similar back,this also annoys me highly.

i feel like im going crazy,but at the same time i think he DOES need to pay A LITTLE bit more attention to me.but hey thats probably my crazyness coming out.Please help im going mad,i feel like i want to hurt him for making me feel this way,but ultimately i know im doing it to myself. HELP!

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It's amazing how other people are going through the exact same thing, i mean, i know theres people in this world who deal with this sorta sh*t everyday, but still, it's interesting to hear.

I am...well...was going through the exact same thing you are, i always over analyzed a situation, i would always wonder why my girl did this and what she meant when she said that, it drove me crazy, i always could'nt help but think negative thoughts, i strived for attention, i need consistant love, i'm like a stuffed bear in a store waiting to be bought so i can get some love, this bothered me, insecurity was deffinitly one of the major problems, i always felt as though i was giving more love than i was receiving, there was no equalibrium, so i grew angry and even more insecure, but lucky for me, my anger brought me to a level where i just stopped caring, not about the person i loved, but just everything that was involved with it, if she did'nt wanna see me, i was like f*ck it, have fun, see ya, it was no big deal anymore, when your with the person, give them as much love as you can possibly imagine, when your not together, forget that person even exists, forget about the person, live your life without that person when hes not around, pretend like your single again, just don't act on it, you may forget about him, but hes still your man, just try it for a bit, you'll see what i'm talking about, just don't jump to conclusions, you'll fall to your death.

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I had this same problem myself some time ago. I am always very difficult on trusting others, and feeling secure adn the like. I always think badly of myself in such a way...


What you truly need to do though, is just sit down for yerself. Breath in, Breath out, listen to some calming music if possible. (I have a song a japenese song that truly works well for me.) In any case something to calm your minds/thoughts.


After doing so, start thinking. Thinking about your relationship. Note down the good and the bad, in separate colums for example. When i did this i found myself with 3 bad things that one time. One that stood out the most was that she had lied to me several times. And then i started thinking and i found that my feelings of insecurity started when she started lieing to me.


Of course it doesn't necesarrily have to be this relationship, It could for example be a previous relationship. That's what you should search for after examining your current situation. Did in a previous relationship the other cheat on you? maybe this is what makes you feel insecure?


After this start for example your family situation or home situation or yourself. Perhaps you are generally afraid of him not being faithful to you, that you are so afraid of him cheating, cause you have seen/heard it happen so many times in other relationships. The hard part is finding where your problem begins, then you have to find a way to fix it.


Which could mean, talking to your boyfriend about yer insecurity(again after you find out where the problem lies, he will want/like an explanation for it) then you could work it out together, or seeking help from a friend, or talking to your parents about a certain situation.


Hope i made some sense, and helped you a little.

Good Luck

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Hi just saw ur post sweets,


Well u know I was in a relationship earlier and I went through the exact samething you are going through and I ended up with a nervous breakdown ;


What I learnt .. the relationship should be there to support you as a positive thing not , as something that is going to solve your problems ;


I learnt the golden rule the more security you are going to put in your relationship the more you will get out of it , in other words let go a little of the rope on the kite and it will soar higher in the sky , but its always yours as long as you let it fly ;


Feel secure about ur bf and he will give u more in return its like magic , feel insecure and he will feel that you are a burden and nobody likes that ; plus no one can be there all the time and it would be unrealistic to think like that


In my opinion when u feel like that just think of the good times or do something to take your mind of it , but in the end if u want more and he cant deliver it then you have to ask yourself are you with the right person


Better to bail out of a bad situation rather then a bad situation which becomes worse ;


The above is just my opinion and I haven’t tried to sugarcoat it cause I don’t want u to get hurt

Take care

Cheers mate

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Shyguy, great reply. I'm going through something a little similar, but maybe not to the same extent as BuffaloSoldier.


I too have a hard time trusting my g/f, even though she never really has done anything to prove that she couldn't be trusted. I've been much better, but it's a constant up and down struggle in my head. When I do trust with all my heart, it does feel great. It feels like I have some newfound freedom in my thoughts and in my relationship. But the bad part is that the distrust gets triggered anytime she tells me about something she did and it doesn't make sense to me, and I have doubts about if it really happened or not. It's very frustrating....

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  • 3 weeks later...

i definetly feel better about my relationship after reading everything you guys have written. my bf recently broke up with me for me not tusting him even though we have been together for three years. hes never really sone anything to make menot trust him but im having such a hard time and i think its becasue im very insecure. we are together again but if i dont trust him and become independent then were through he says. i know he lkoves me so very much and we want to get married, hes the greatest guy in thr world he even threw me a surprise bday party. i just am having such a hard time especially when i get bored like now!! i just wanna call him, i woner if hes loking at porn or talking to other girls or with other girls. i dont know how to get these thoughts out of my head but i know i need too. thank you all

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