Any advice would be helpful

[Mr. Confused]

I just recently got dumped....here's the story. Met this girl in my final year of school, she is still in school presently. I nor her had been in a relationship for a couple years and I had decided that it was time I find a girl as I'm 23 already. Well needless to say the last 6 months of school were great, we were together all the time. I was completely hooked on her and I know she was completely hooked on me. Anyway you get the picture, I was in love and thought this girl was the one. Well I graduated in May and took a job about 45 miles away from her. Begininning of the summer was fine and then all hell broke loose. She had 3 different people close to her pass away within about a 6 week span. She has never dealt with this stuff well and always kept her emotions inside and never let me know them. Well needless to say these deaths killed a lot of plans we had for weekends. Add that to the fact that I was working till late at night and she was working early in the morning so our schedules really conflicted. We still talked on the phone everyday and even through all of this everything still seemed cool and she always made sure she would say she loved me all the time. Well about 2 weeks after the last funeral her grandma had heart failure and was sent into intensive care. I had talked to her the night before and everything was cool but little did I know that I wouldn't talk to her again for a month. I would not have even known about her grandma's situation if it had not been for her roomate telling me. I tried numerous calls and emails but none got responded to. I also had bought two tickets to a Goo Goo Dolls concert that we planned on going to that she never even called to say she wasn't going to go. She finally sends me an email saying how hard the summer has been and the tough times she's going though. I read this email and worry even more about her just like I had for the past month. The next day I get a phone call and she tells me that she's been going on dates with someone else for the past 2 weeks and she doesn't wanna see me anymore. Of course I flip out. I head up to see her and she won't even come out of her apartment, instead my stuff was in the garage. This is the thanks I get for treating her like a princess for 8 months?? Ever since we started dating she warned me about cheating on her and basically everything she said to me she ended up doing to me. It just so happened that the day she broke up with me I got a call from an employer at the same place she works part time about an interview. I've had the interview and will know if I get the job later this week, and I have to take the job reguardless as it is a very good position. I guess what I'm asking is can you really love some one and do this to them? I know I couldn't. The problem is that I still wanna be with her very very bad even after all of this. I have not talked to her in about a month and it's been about 2 months since I've even seen her face. I've had girlfriends in the past that have lasted longer than this one but none have affected me this bad. As of a month ago she was not seeing this guy anymore but it still pains me to think of her with someone else. The fact is that I KNOW she loved me and I was convinced she had a good heart and I just wish I knew what she was thinking. She said she's changed, that was her reason for dumping me. There's a side of me that also thinks, "why would you wanna be with someone who did this to you." I dunno I guess, not that I really have a choice anyway but I guess it's just wishful thinking that she will wanna try it again espically if I get the job in her city. I know this isn't well put together but if anyone can somewhat follow what my situation is then any advice would be apprecaited. It's just tough to move on when I was convinced that I was going to marry this girl and was convinced that she truly loved me. Girls......what could she possibly be thinking? I keep thinking if I give her some space she will realize she made a mistake but my hopes grow weaker everyday. Seriously I dream about her 5-7 nights a week and that makes it tough. Some days I feel fine, some are horrible. All my friends tell me there are pleanty of others out there but the bottom line is that I want this one. I just wanted to get it off my chest and this is a great place to do it as there are so many great people here. I have been lurking ever since the breakup as it makes me feel much better reading the responses. Any advice is much appreciated.

[RoXyGiRl]

Hey! Dont worry, your not the only one that had gone through what you are going through. I unfortantly did the same thing to my ex bf. And I too loved him more then the word. But I loved him so much that I just wanted to see if there was anything else out there that I may love too. I guess I just got really greaty. And I hate myself for doing that to the man that I once loved. I told him that I had cheated on him, and told him that it was up to him if he wanted to be with my still. He said yes, but then after that, even when we said that we still loved eachother, I knew we were slipping. We broke up at the end of the summer, and you would think that it was him that broke up with me because he could live with me knowing that I have cheated on him. But its like this. My friend had dround the night I was at a wedding with him. And it took the best of me. I hated everything, and I didnt understand why he had to die. What did he do to deserve that? He was my friend for over6 yrs. Anyways, my bf was not there at all when I needed him the most. So I found someone who was, and started to see him because he would just hold me and tell me that everything WILL be ok. My bf, didnt even call me to see if I was ok. This coming from a guy who says that HE wanted to marry me too. I guess what Im tryin to say in the novle long reply is that when the person that your in love with (and is in love iwht you) has someone (or more than one, like in your case) you HAVE to be there for them. Because there mind is in a possition to hate anyone who is not there for them. Im not sayin that she hates you, but she prolly just wanted you to oreally be there for her. Telling her its going to be ok on the phone is not enough. Im sorry this happened to you. But from experence, all that I can say to you is that it IS going to get better. After my bf and I broke up, I wanted to be with him still, but he went to school and was totally focused on school and had no time to even call me or email me anymore. I thought that I would just wait 4 years till he was done school for him, I thought that that was all that I could do. Turned out that I was waiting for him, and he had moved on with someone that went to his school. So then I thought that I just would never get to love or be loved by anyone every again. But hey, turns out, I found a new bf, who I am head over heels for. I love my new bf so much, and he has taken over the space in my heart that I thought would always be for my ex. Ok, sorry I got really off topic, but I just wanted to tell you, that things will work out to be the best. Take that job, make lots of money. SAVE!!!!!!!!! And if you and her get back together then it was ment to be. But if not, you know that there is someone out there that is. Even if you think that you never will love or be loved again. Trust me man!! I swaer it will get better!!

[Mr. Confused]

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate a different perspective. The fact is that I wanted to be there for her and she wouldn't let me. I made sure I would tell her that all the time too but I just never got through to her. When her grandma had that unfortunate heart trouble she was hospitalized for a couple weeks in the city I live in. So she was around a lot but never bothered to stop by and that's when she wouldn't return any of my communication attempts. I also realize that this is not the end of the world but it's just tough being lonely again. Even when I couldn't see her at least we would talk on the phone for an hour or so. I was just so happy with her. Oh well, life goes on. Like you said, if it's meant to be maybe we'll get back together. You did hit the nail on the head with one remark though. I know she wants to know what else is out there cause we've talked about that before and I was the first boyfriend she's ever fallen in love with. I just want you to know that I appreciate the response and all of the good hearted people on this site.