blueangel Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Sunrise over the hill The day takes its slow time To mount to me its richness To bring to me its light Sometimes I still stay waiting In the moonlight, the light of pain From what suffering can be seen But not the light of day The trees do speak of a soft sadness They are the reaching stillness, like my madness In me, struggling for what's free The sunlight which watches over me Its in human touch, warmth and want The type of love that knows fault not Instead of The type of haunting in the soul That governs your body, makes you feel old It's the pain that makes me cry But it also keeps me reminded of the depth of life Sunrise bring your might Help my tired eyes to open To the hearts around me I am done choking on my own blood My own disastors To my dreams. The falling leaves chant to me As I stand here alone Instead of sun, rain comes And I am still alone. Link to comment
zachiphus Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 lol I tried. you succeeded, very nicely worded. Maybe just needs a little more detail, add some intereseting adjectives to your nouns, it will help create a better picture in the readers head. Link to comment
blueangel Posted July 25, 2007 Author Share Posted July 25, 2007 it's good enough for me Link to comment
Bomin Posted July 30, 2007 Share Posted July 30, 2007 I like your poem very much....I can visualise it and it is really quite perceptive and wonderful....very wistful.....thankyou ! Link to comment
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