Church Question

[Sylivia]

I don't really know where to go with this question, but maybe someone would be able to give advice.

If someone in your family is a Christian and abuses you, and you tell him he has done wrong, then the Bible says that you should then take friends with you and confront him.

In this case the Christian is my Dad, so I confonted him about sexual abuse when I was little, he said he didn't ever abuse me.

Mum then was really cross with him and confronted him, he still denied anything to place.

So he goes to the church and takes communion and says he did nothing wrong, the church believe him because he took communion, and he has been really upset that I have accused him.

Finally my Mum rings to say that he did abuse me, but not in a sexual way, he touched my genitals when he got violent, so now he's excused.

Okay, it was once, so I should forgive him, but my church says that my parents are in the wrong, and my mum is selfish for letting me go through trauma for thirtynine years.

Do I now have nothing to do with my parents?

Will God be angry with me, if I walk away?

You have to forgive, and I have forgiven, but the relationship with my parents has more or less crumbled.

Because in their words the Devil used me to bring discord between them.

I know I have covered all this ground before.

But do I confront my parents church and speak to their minister, I don't know if I am step with the bible?

[Leonhart]

Well, that part about rebuking another refers specifically within the church structure. Anyway, that's a tough question.

 

We can't tell you to disown your parents or not. Only you can make that decision. That's a very hard question to answer. You are expected to honour your parents, but it's hard to honour an abusive person who mistreats you.

 

You do need to eventually learn to forgive him. For you, not him. Aside from that, how much or little you connect with them is your call. I love my parents and could never write them off, but I've never been in your situation, so it's tough. You're called to forgive, but that doesn't mean always hanging around with him though either.

 

No one can tell you what to do here, because it's your call. If you've truly forgiven, whatever decision you make should be the right one. Do what's best for you; what you think. Ask God to guide you, too. That's about all I can say.

[setsuko1981]

Don't walk away but just pray for your parents, for their salvation, that they may come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior, that's all you could do for now

 

If you continue to confront them about what happened, it will not get you anywhere. I wouldn't confront their church, but rather talk to the minister about it.

 

If that doesn't get you anywhere, just leave it all to God. I have faith that He will take care of things for you. You might not get the results you want right away, but don't give up and lose hope, just keep on praying for them.

 

You are right to forgive them because harboring anger and/or hatred against your parents will not get you anywhere too; it will just bring you down.

[Shiranai]

I don't understand why the church should take part of this discussion. It's none of their business.

 

A church is just a religious organization. What they say about your family should not matter at all. In fact, you do not have to seek their approval when you criticize your dad for sexually abusing you. Touching your genitals IS sexually abusing you.

 

Whatever the Bible says you should or should not do should be at most a guideline to your actions. Obviously the bible did not stop your dad from touching your genitals.

[Leonhart]

I don't understand why the church should take part of this discussion. It's none of their business.

 

A church is just a religious organization. What they say about your family should not matter at all.

 

Maybe they were BROUGHT into the discussion? I know when I have a problem, I find great guidance and support from talking to my pastor, rather than taking some random stranger's advice on the internet. The church (depending on what kind) can be a wonderful source of encouragement, hope and wisdom. Again, depending on the leadership and the type of church. I wouldn't simple write them off, as that's purely an ignorant and uninformed thing to do.

[Spugly Fuglet]

My feeling is he's deeply ashamed of what he did, he's trying to hid it, sweep it away, but it was a violent act aganest you, he has to show you real remose, I think for yiu to state to forgive him, remember he did countless good deeds for you but this one act has afected you deeply.

he needs to do good acts related to this one event,

not more bad acts.

 

how I thunk comes down to hole family comuntucation.

 

this is my view I could be wrong.

[Sylivia]

Thank you to everybody who responded.

I must stress that I have not cut my parents off, I love them, but they are not speaking to me, because in their eyes I have accused my Father of sexual abuse, and it's really hurting me.

I love them, but they want me to say it did not happen, they are both Christian, but my Dad used to knock me about he was not a kind man, however he has tried to make up for it in later life, I love him and would love to have the friendly relationship we had before, but now, my mum feels threatened and in her words dirty.

She wants me to forget the past and move one, but what happened to me was so traumatic that when I see them both I can't stop crying.

My mum reckons I'm falling apart, it's really, really difficult.

My councellor says that my parents are very manipulative and I need to put some distance between me and them in order to heal.

I love them, and it's hard because I am now the black sheep of the family, my mum has not contacted me for over a week, and it's always me that rings her, and I feel clearly cut of and not welcome, after all she tells me that I nearly destroyed their marriage by making up these accusations.

But when all said and done, he did take of he clothes because in his words he was rather hot, and laid beside me, I was Six years of age, and he abused me. I pray to God to sort it out, because I don't know how to deal with it.

But I can't lie to save their marriage, can I?

[agent1607307371]

Don't lie. They want you to take the blame as a liar so that they don't have to accept their part in causing you so much pain with such terrible actions.

 

Your councillor is right - you need some space from these people.

 

If you've spoken to people in your church about it, and you feel safe there, maybe it would be a good place for you to spend some time.

[Sylivia]

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and distance myself.

They are adults and they can get help just as I have had to seek help.

They need to grow as I do, and if I protect them and try to smooth things over, I wont be helping them or myself.

Thanks for your advice, I didn't repond straight away to your post, and after I had written down my feelings, I began to feel much stronger.

 

God Bless

And Thanks again!

[2today]

Your father is a liar. He knows what he did. If he told the truth, your mother would hate him then. Deep down your mother knows he is lying. Yes, you can forgive him and your mother for not protecting you. You should never go back to their house again and if your mother wants to see you, she can come your house. That was to traumatic to keep going on like nothing ever happened. This will affect you for the rest of your life, I think God will understand.