heynowwww Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hey all, I just wanted to write as I have been feeling extremely low lately. My brain literally hurts at the moment. The girl I loved with all my heart betrayed me. The strange thing is that we have been broken up for a year now and she has had a new bf. Her new bf is 10 yrs older than me and all I can do is compare myself to him. The biggest problem is that me and the ex have been in contact the whole time. Her telling me she thinks someday she would want to try. We have even hooked up while they have been together. I know this was wrong and I have been extremely weak in this whole situation. I have never gone thru this before and feel like I am drowning. I feel disappointed in the human race in general and think I may be severely depressed. This girl is on my mind 24/7 and I cannot get her off it. It makes me sick to my stomach how naive and stupid I have been. I just wish things would balance out, I dont get how someone can completely disregard someones feelings and screw them over then walk away happy and scott free. I feel like telling the guy what a cheat she is but I would not do that as it is none of my business. I just dont know what to do at this point. Sorry to sound so whiny but I am lost. Thanks. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hi Ya Mate There is a big lesson to learn here....!! It's been a year and you are hanging on to scraps mate.. That's why you are still feeling this way IMO. Words can sometimes be meaningless.. if she has said someday she thinks she would want to try.. really read what that says! Someday - When's that tomorrow, my 80th birthday? Thinks - I can think I want to be a millionaire not happened yet! If I were you I really would consider breaking away from it all at least for now. To give yourself time to properly heal. At the stage of being healed you can take it from there but at the moment this is not healthy for YOU. Andy Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hey all, Her telling me she thinks someday she would want to try. We have even hooked up while they have been together. I know this was wrong and I have been extremely weak in this whole situation. I have never gone thru this before and feel like I am drowning. QUOTE] Sorry you are in such pain heynowwww, but you've pretty much answer your own question right here. Hard as it is to not cave in and 'be weak" as you've said by contintuing to have any sort of contact or relationship with her, the only way out of your pain and your dilemma is total no contact. It sounds like you've done more than just talked if you've "hooked up," and that, I can tell you from my own experience in another relationship years ago, is like continuing to expose yourself to plutonium and wondering why you're getting radiation sickness. This woman is an emotional anchor for you, and as you cling to her in whatever way that is acted out you will continue to sink to the bottom. Let go and swim away....you can do it man!!! Coyote Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hey Andy, I know the sad thing is I know all this and have been so foolish about the situation. I feel like I sacrificed my own soul in some ways. I am ready to be out of the situation. Maybe I just know it is truly over with and she is bad news thats why it hurts so much. I guess I let the situation get out of control because I never put my foot down and stood up for myself until now. Link to comment
Murasaki Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I know what it means to feel low. Not really as low as you, but I'm gone through, grief, regret, blaming, anger, now I'm trying to let go and being kind of self-destructive. But you really need to break away from her. Being in contact with her when you still have feelings for her while she's with someone else is one of the most painful things you can do. Knowing (and I feel it) that someone caused you hurt and then walked away happy and healthy is also a terrible feeling. But this isn't about her. It's about you You need to stop your connection so you can heal properly. You need to not remind yourself of her by being in contact with her or it will cause you more pain. And if you realize she's a cheat, know she's a cheat. Is that someone you want to give your heart to? Is that someone you think would be good with someone else? Let her beak someone else's heart, but she's done her damage to you, now release her. I know what it means to never be able to stop thinking about someone, but in a situation where you know who she's with you're contributing to the damage yourself. If you go into NC and try as much as possible to live happily and for yourself, the depression will probably run its course. Take care of yourself, buddy. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 After a whole year, one thing is obvious ... she may need you for emotional reasons, but she will never be your full-time, committed romantic partner. As long as you keep holding on to these scraps (as Andy so aptly put it), you are depriving yourself of the opportunity of finding someone who will. Today is the PERFECT day to cut off all contact ... Independence Day!!! Good luck. Zack. Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 this is all great advice. you guys are the best. I am so up and down at this point its ridiculous. I am breaking away from her totally and know thats what needs to be done. I just wish I could shake it out of my head and be done with it. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Listen Mate First of all we are human we make mistakes! I have done my fair share too and what's done is done! Don't have regrets mate, you did what you thought was right at the time. It's that Light Switch Moment as I call it.. You have realised you are not getting anywhere doing what you are doing right now. It is time to move forward. Don't do it for her do it for YOU mate. YOU are the most important person in your life no other. Hold your head up high and walk away. Disappear.. move to Mars.. Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from her life completely. It's going to be hard, really hard. You will hav bad days and good ones. You will have days where you think oh a little text or phone call to her wont hurt will it.. IT WILL, DONT DO IT.. Only even consider those kinda things when you have truly healed you will know when that happens. So today is the day mate, start your NO CONTACT. Join the Superdave 30 day no contact challenge in the getting back together board. Trust me at 30 days you will have a big smile on your face and will be proud of yourself and that will be a good feeling not bad ones like you are having now. If you need me PM me buddy.. Take Care, Andy Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 I cant wait for the day I can look back and laugh at how ridiculous this whole situation really is and also be able to give advice on this site like you guys do. I just hope after a few months things will start to look better. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Trust me it wont take long before you are giving out advice! It's not that I or others are experts just been there done that and bought that lousy t-shirt! You will I am sure laugh your head off about it all at somepoint, in the words of Mr Gump.. Life's like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get (don't quote me on that but I am close I think) and that is so true!!! Another one from Forrest Gump.. Run Forrest Run.. and heynowwww I suggest you run far, far away from your ex right now..! Andy Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 hahaha maybe ill run right from NY to the UK and we can get a few beers hahaha. Cheers. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 hahaha maybe ill run right from NY to the UK and we can get a few beers hahaha. Cheers. Sounds good to me, I could then show you a true british night out and then after beers kebab shop visit it's the law!! LMAO Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I cant wait for the day I can look back and laugh at how ridiculous this whole situation really is and also be able to give advice on this site like you guys do. I just hope after a few months things will start to look better. I'd give it about a month - one month from now, you'll find that your own self-exploration will make giving advice come naturally. I bet you'll laugh in a month, too. It's summer! Link to comment
heynowwww Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 I have never felt this pumped about not contacting someone in my life haha. thank you guys again. I feel a lot better than I did earlier today. I am just going to take things day by day. Link to comment
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