Lie of Lies

[peaceman]

Lie of Lies

 

Ex-GF of just under two years decided on April 11th, 2003 to leave me for another, now I've learned of greater deception -

 

For more info, previous post; link removed

 

History for context:

 

Her 42, me then 38 (Friday 4/11/03), both reasonably good looking and apparently exclusive (both mutually promised and confirmed repeatedly). Together for over 18 months.

 

A lot of good times, and of course some bad accordingly. Nothing too major, just day-to-day ups and downs. Nonetheless until the last moment we had built what seemed a very strong love and had expressed a desire (mutually) to spend the rest of our lives together, that we had something 'uniquely special' and loved each other so much. Both of us (to my knowledge) had been faithful to the other and completely emotionally committed.

 

Her desire for my proposal started strong after the 1st 6 months. Further, her friends marrying, as we attended their ceremonies, amplified her expressions, as well the comments of the surrounding company (within 14 months of meeting her).

 

The ugly:

 

Came Friday, April 11th, that I was out in the work-field, returned after 10:00pm, exhausted, decided to call her the next day. She had indicated to be out with a girlfriend, wishing me to join them that evening, but I did not, rather decided to call the next day. No answers to my calls over Sat & Sun. On Sunday I was in her area on business and decided to leave a note at her door, as I was concerned for her wellbeing. As I was leaving to get another pen (1st one dry), she drove up as I came down the front stairs of her building with another man in the car. She looked very shocked, not happy, to see me.

 

Explained to me that this was her ex-fiancé of 8 years ago by the following Wednesday, after days of denial. Said they had "run in" to each other that Friday and found feelings again after 8 years for each other. She didn't know at that time that I had been making payments since last December for an expensive engagement ring. I was going to propose to her on my birthday at the end of July.

 

I should not have contacted her any more but I sent several email cards I had designed (Love U, miss U, etc.). She has been indifferent and almost completely unresponsive for over five months. The pain I have been through has been unbearable. I try hard not to think of her but I can't stop her from coming into my mind. I literally couldn't get out of bed for two months.

 

This in itself is one thing but...

 

The uglier:

A mutual friend called me last week to ask a business related question. I hadn't heard from him in over 7 months so we caught up. The subject eventually got around to ex-GF, and I expressed hope that she was doing OK. I said that if she was with her ex-fiancé again there must be good reason for her feelings. HE THEN TOLD ME THAT THE MAN SHE HAS BEEN SEEING WAS NOT THE EX-FIANCE´, BUT A MAN SHE HAD JUST COINCIDENTALLY MET AT A BAR WHEN SHE WAS OUT WITH HER GIRLFRIEND THAT FRIDAY IN APRIL WHO HAS THE SAME FIRST NAME AS THE EX-FIANCE´!

 

We have spoken a few times over the last months, although I have made effort not to contact her for the last two months. Each time she would continue to perpetrate that it was her ex-fiancé she was with, not someone else. I asked my friend again was this true what he had said. He swore to me that it was, that she had been lying to me all this time, had met the man on one occasion, that this man lived in a completely different location from the ex-´f, further that her ex-F´ has been and is engaged to someone else at this time, further that she had told our friend never to tell me.

 

I called her last night to ask her if this was true. She adamantly denied this was the truth, and said that our friend had fabricated this story only because he had not paid her back $150.00 she loaned him over a year ago (!?!?). She refused to have me conference a call with him, but instead called him to scream at him. He called me furious that I had told her, and I said the truth deserves to be heard. He eventually agreed and said I had done the right thing. She even called me back to ask me would I believe him over her and again to deny the allegation.

 

The question:

Why would she, if she was going to leave me anyway, had cheated on me that Friday in April, think it necessary to invent such a preposterous lie and continue with such effort to try and keep me duped? Did she not think I would learn of it eventually? Was she so ashamed that she took a stranger home on a first night from a bar, while supposedly emotionally committed to me (I have been 100% faithful, forthright and honest with her), that she felt it necessary to concoct such a story? Is she just a psychotic BLEEP?

 

Was it wrong of me to call her on it? Should I have just left it unsaid? Does it seem not to matter (like what's difference)? I feel that it does. If there was any healing going on I feel like the wound has been ripped wide open again and I'm back to day number one. I haven't been able to yet bring myself to a place where I can be with someone new.

 

I would appreciate any feedback you might have. Thanks in advance.

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[mel_o_dell]

First and foremost, I am so sorry for the things that this woman has put you through, no one deserves to deal with that kind of pain. Anyway, i think that you did very well handling the situation. She needed to know that you knew the truth, even if she denied it until death. i think that she would have lied to you about it because she felt guilty about it. She probably still cared for you a great deal, but maybe was tired of the relationshiop (or whatever lame excuse she could have come up with for cheating on you). I think that any woman in this situation dealing with you and the new man, and caring for you still, wouold probably have done the same thing. Not to lie to you deliberately, but to soften the blow a little bit. Losing her to someone else is hard enough, but to lose her to someone she met five minutes ago at a bar is even worse, and she probably realized that and didn't want to hurt you even more. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but in a way, maybe its a good thing it happened when it did... before you gave her the expensive engagemnet ring, and even better, before you got married!!! I hope things work out for you, and I hope that you find someone that will love and respect you enough to treat you as each person should be treated in a loving relationship. good luck to you and i hope i was of some help.

[Lightingbird]

Guilt, shock, and foolishness go hand and hand.

 

Your ex-girlfriend loved you that is the only reason that she lied to you. Horrible as it may seem. She didn't desire to hurt you any more than she did.

 

Also, in her mind, it makes her feel better that in your head that you might have some understanding how something could have destroyed your relationship rather than a destined to be doomed fling.

 

Its good that you are a very faithful person. Keep being honest you will find the same soon.

 

Be strong and good luck to you.

[rs8198]

I'm just curious as to whether the girlfriend felt the seriousness of the relationship and bailed out... Maybe she has commitment issues?