Should i call my ex to wish her a happy birthday?

[Donny JeffcoaT]

About 3 weeks ago i broke off contact with my ex. She has a new boyfriend. I told her we shouldnt talk or see each other anymore because it was too hard for me to be friends. She said i just need time and she wil call me in the future. I still miss her alot and think about her all the time but the pain is pretty much gone. I still really wanna get back together and think we have a good chance to as soon as things go bad with her new dousch boyfriend. But sometimes i wonder if she will ever call me. It sucks every time i hear my phone ring i hope its her but i know in my mind it isnt. I know things will go bad with her new guy i just dont know how long it will last. but back to my question her birthdays in a few weeks if she doesnt call me by then should i call her to let her know i still care or is this a bad idea? i mean im not gonna be stupid anymore and tell her i want her to be with me but should i just say happy birthday and ask her how she's been. I mean i really care about her. I dont want her to think that i don't care about her anymore, if i dont call her on her birthday.your advice would be greatly appreciated!

[reinvented21]

Dont touch that phone....

 

She's with someone else. You miss her. You dont want her to think that you dont care. Let me ask you, how do you feel when you think about her and this other guy? Probably not good. She doesnt deserve a phone call from you on her birthday. She is not a friend. She is not a girlfriend. She is an image from the past. Let her go. She wants to go out and have fun with this new guy while you are hurt and thinking about her. i doubt she is waiting by the phone for you to call. Dont waste youre time or energy. You have more important things to do like continuing the no contact rule. You have more important things to do like healing. You have more important things to do like moving on. She did, now its youre turn. If she still cares about you, she will wonder what youre doing, who you are seeing, why you didnt call, etc.(not good for rebound guy). If anything that will attract her more because she is now not the center of youre attention. In the end its up to you, but I would advise against it. Now go out and have fun and dont wait by the phone anymore.

[JanieMarie23]

I think you should call her....If you care about her and want to know what all is going on in her life, talk to her. You say the pain is pretty much gone...maybe it is gone enough that you can be friends with her without having the need to have her be yours... It's hard having feelings for someone and have them move on.. It's filled with jealousy, and anger but if you are over that, you can obtain a friendship with her. If you do call her don't beg to have her in your life again.... Make it so it's as casual as possible... The reason she probably hasn't called you is the same reason you aren't sure if you should call her...She probably doesn't know if it would be a good idea...She doesn't know what is going on with you, and how you have changed , so you don't want to sit around waiting for each other to pick up the phone...She probably feels you need more time. I hope I've helped somehow... Good Luck

[bryan]

Do not call her!!! Its not your fault that she couldnt be spending her birthday with you! Dont give her the satisfaction of her knowing that you were thinking about her. You know you have gone 3 weeks now, that is great! What if you call her and she blows you off? Then your 3 weeks that were so difficult will start all over again. Please dont call her. There will be another time to wish her a belated birthday but right now she has someone else to say it to her. I know you still care about her but be strong! She hasnt called you because she is either respecting your needs or she is too into her new guy. Probably both. if you call her she will think you are weak and your chances at getting with her again will be slim. If she does think about you a lot this will give her the chance to think what her birthday would have been like with you instead of her new guy!!! Let her see what a crummy day she is going to have because you are not in it. I guarantee she will think abouot you on her birthday. Maybe this is what she needs to convince her that you were good to her! I bet she might call you soon after her birthday to tell you she missed you on her day. That is when you need to play your cards very carefully. Never seem anxious or desperate. You need her to chase you now especially when she has new baggage (her new bfriend). When that goes south I bet she will use you to fall back on. I dont know if that is a good thing but if you really want her back just stick with the no contact. My ex usually goes 2-3 weeks before she cant take it anymore and finally tries to get a hold of me. Your ex will break too just give it time! Good luck

[lostPO]

I don't think you should call. Don't touch the phone! But if you still want to wish her a happy birthday because you still care for her, why not drop her an email? Something simply..hi, wishing you a happy bday. and that's it. Keep it non emotional. That way, she'll know you still care but has not emotions attached to it. See my post...that's what my ex did.

 

link removed

 

Hope this helps. Hang in there...

[bzborow1]

Don't call her. Why? You know it will only serve to break you down again. Think of it as an addiction. If you go cold turkey, and break that cycle, even once, then you are right back where you started. Don't get sucked in. In fact, I think you should start doing new things. Take up a new hobby? Go out more with friends? Find a reason to approach any women you can...just talk to them! Soon the memories of your ex will fade.

 

I'm not sure how your relationship ended. If she cheated...then eventually you'll get to the point where you feel sorry for who ever is dating her...if it was just her breaking up with you...well....you need the time to get your life back...only then could you consider contacting her.

 

BTW, relationships must be two-way...so if she broke up with you...if you even thought she's still worthy of you...she's got to come back for you.

 

That's my two cents.

 

Bill

[Iwanthim]

i say call her up. I mean gosh you cant call up friend to wish them happy b-day?? it will be hard bc she does have new bf but i dont see why u cant call her and wish her happy b-da..

[Donny JeffcoaT]

Thanks a lot for the advice. I'm still having mixed feelings about all of this. All my friends except for one say i shouldnt. The one that says i should has a really great relationship with his girlfriend and really seems to know what to do with women. He's what i like to call a "True Romantic" Anyways i've got a few weeks until her birthday. When we decided to take our break we both still wanted to be together we just knew we had some stuff to fix. We both thought we would get back together. Even after i found out about her new bfriend she told me she still see's us getting back together. But i stupidly tried to get her to break up with him for me and that didnt work very well. But to tell you the truth i dont want to call her as a friend. Her friendship means nothing to me. She means way more to me than a friend. I have plenty of friends. The only reason i want to call her, is so she knows i still care about her and still would like to get back together in the future. Is this bad?

[JanieMarie23]

I've read everyone's replies to your post...and I'm one of two that think you should... I don't see why you shouldn't ...I don't think it's bad to want to tell her you care... Why hold back what you are feeling. Of course people say it will only bring back the pain, that you will only get disappointed. But if this is what would make you happy letting her know you care still...I say go for it and do it. It's like a game of chance.

No one can say how this is going to end up...And I'm really not sure what to tell you... But I wish you the best....

[closer_nin]

The ultimate problem... you're using the birthday as an excuse man. Think about it. Everyday is important. If you miss her that much and truly care about her that much, you would have called her a longtime ago. If she cared about you, she would have kept her promise. She would have called you. If you know she has a bf, leave her be... she's happy even if her bf is a d^&^(*). Its out of your hands. You will be better off. Don't complicate your life or hers anymore. You sound genuine about your care, but she's given that opportunity for someone else to care for her... that's out of your hand. You can give your care to someone who wants it and can give it back to you. If she wanted the friendship... it only would have taken her a minute to leave you a message. Stay the course.

[Donny JeffcoaT]

I kinda feel like i have to because well back in june( this is after we broke up, but we were still friends but she didn't have her new boyfriend.)we hung out on my birthday she even got me a card and gift. I'm not gonna get her a gift or card but the phone call im still dont know if i should. im kinda leaning towards no phone call.

[Breaker24]

This is really a hard question. Birthdays to me are events that are really special. Now on my b-day I had the expectation that she was gonna call me, and when it didn't happen it truly hurt. She was the one who broke off the relationship, stupid reasons but reasons none the less. Anyway, I think you should go the email route and send her a quick b-day shout, since I know how much it hurts to not receive anything. Afterwards break off everything and get on with your life.

[Donny JeffcoaT]

Our relationship was very good and serious. we went out for 2 years. We took a break because our schedules were conflicting and she didn't get to see me as much as she wanted to and she would get sad so we decided to take time apart even though we still hung out a few times after we broke up then she started ignoring me for a while so i left her alone for a couple weeks then i startd missing her more and more then when i finally got a hold of her i found out that she just started seeing her new boyfriend. She said a bunch of things like she see's us getting back together in the future, but she was confortable right now which really ***ed with my head especially when i poured my heart out to her but she still wouldn't come back (which i now relize was a bad idea). I tourtured myself for a month being her friend and hanging out with her like twice a week then i couldnt handle it anymore and thats when i tried to break it off and she said that i just needed time and she would call me in the future. a month later she IM'ed me. But i dont know if i should call her.

[TAMUkatie]

It's amazing to me that a phone call can cause so much controversy! Call her! She's important to you and there's no doubt that she still has your heart, whether she has a b/f now or not. A telephone call is a simple gesture that can really mean alot to a person. The knowledge that in these busy times someone has remembered your special day and took the time to pick up the phone means they have a sincere and genuine soal. Give her a ring - be casual - wish her the best - and cut the call short - only a few minutes. When she hangs up the phone - her mind will not only think about how kind it was of you, but she may more than likely remember EVERY kind thing you ever did for her. Call her!

[Carlito412]

I am in the same situation that you are in with the exception that I have actually been with my ex for 8 years and actually lived with her for 7.5 yrs. We broke up in the beginning of July and I have been a wreck since! I have learned NOT to call her...period. It hurts, but it is something that you must do. Trust me...she will wonder and she will call you! I first have to commend you on your 3 week "no-contact" stint. After reading some of the other people's posts, I have to agree that you must continue to do that. If you break it, you will have to start over again. Every time you call her, the more power you give her and the less you have. My ex is seeing someone else as well. She tells me all the things that yours has been telling you. Please believe me that you should open your eyes to her actions and don't trust her words. She is with someone else and not you. Bottom line. What do you think she's doing with him at night? Think of what you guys have done together. Its a "new" relationship...its fresh and exciting. You need to be strong. Of course she knows you care about her...you guys went out! Let her see what her b-day is like w/o you. And if you've been good to her in the past and the new guy fumbles...just don't be too quick to jump back into her life when she comes running to you. She will wonder...and if not...it wasn't meant to be. Don't be a pushover...stick up for yourself! Because if not and you want to be that friend/"hopfully we'll get back together" ex then you're just going to be strung along...cut that cord!