AusTrist Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Hey there I have just started NC been 3 days before that it was LC for a few weeks. I don't know much about the meaning of NC. I know I can't message, ring, email, or see her but what happens if she does any of the above things? Do I flat out ignore her or do i acknowledge her but leave it short or do i open up? It is hard and confusing at knowing what i should do. I really want her back but I know she needs her space and am leaving her do her own thing, letting her discover herself. Also last night I was out and saw one of her friends. I dun remember much about it because I was really drunk but I messaged later to tell her not to let my ex know I was out. Did I do the right thing? Geez I got loads of questions. I spose I just wanna do the right thing by her and also by myself. The break has really made me think about myself and how I can better myself for the future. Any help with my questions will be greatly appreciated thanks Link to comment
SLBG Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 How does no contact work when ur ex has a new partner? Even if they continue to contact u? wot does it say about the new relationship? why do they feel the need 2 txt n stay in touch? its like having your cake n eating it.... best of both worlds n all that my ex doesnt contact me alot... but when she does its 2 tell me bout things in her life, problems etc.... Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 ^^ SLBG, in your case, defo maintain hard-core NC. Her attempts at contact might mean nothing at all, but at the very least, if you continue to ignore her texts, she will have to sort things out herself without you to help, and more importantly, you get to have some dignity. Link to comment
AusTrist Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Thanks for that that clears things up a little. I dont want to do it to get her back. I would really like to get her back but I want to mainly do it to see if she is happy with herself and see if she can get her life on track and work out what she wants in life. I am happy bein me and doin my own thing. I am trying to meet new ppl b ut it is so difficult. I love my ex so very much but I want her to be happy so I am kool with her doing the things that will make her happy. She said to me when we were breaking up she wasn't sure if it was a big mistake. I told her if she thinks it is better then it isn't a mistake as her happiness is what is more important. She can't stay with me if she isn't happy simple as that. It hurts so much to say something like that and leave her alone like that but I just want her to work herself out. It has given me lots of time to think about myself also. I have thought about all our great times and I have also worked out the areas I need to fix up in myself. She has helped shape who i am today and by doing this she is shaping me even more. If we dont ever get back together I just really hope I meet someone as amazing and as special as she is because to me she was the most perfect beautiful soul I have ever met and she has helped me become a much better person over these past 3 yrs. I am thankful the special times we had together and the way her family welcomed me into their hearts. I still will try to keep in contact with her family without discussing her because they are very dear to me also. My ex is still young and she has a lot to learn in life. It is probably better she do it and learn on her own and if she decides I was too special and wants me back so be it. Who knows maybe I might have moved on by then and maybe not only time will tell. I just wish I could stop the pain inside of me because even with me going out and keeping busy I still can't shake the feeling of hurt inside of me. Link to comment
StapleIt Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I love my ex so very much but I want her to be happy so I am kool with her doing the things that will make her happy.If we dont ever get back together I just really hope I meet someone as amazing and as special as she is because to me she was the most perfect beautiful soul I have ever met and she has helped me become a much better person over these past 3 yrs. I am thankful the special times we had together and the way her family welcomed me into their hearts. etc If she knew you felt that way would she really be your ex? All the above sounds so loving and nice she couldn't of known. NC sucks and don't start trying to turn her friends against her, who do you think they are more loyal to you or her?? Link to comment
AusTrist Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 I am never going to try and turn her friends against her. I dont really speak to them anyway. She knows the way I feel about her but she probably doesnt know it to the depth that I have posted here. I broke NC tonight. She messaged me online and on my phone asking if I was avoiding her so I replied to explain I was giving her space. We talked for a little while just about things thats happening from day to day work and such. i never brought the relationship up nor did I ask her anything to do with her feelings or anything. She did end it saying bye and that she doesnt want me to ignore her. I am considering messaging her to say that I think it would be best if we didnt talk to each other until she has thought things through and worked herself out and that if she wants to talk that it is only to reconcile the relationship to let me know where I stand. I will also tell her that I am not doing this to ignore her or avoid her and that I don't hate her but that I think it would be better for the both of us. What do u think? Link to comment
StapleIt Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Do you know how long that will take? One week, one month, six months? No you don't, I'm totally against NC, why bottle up your feelings? What if she never wants to reconcile the relationship? Do you never want to speak to her again? I don't think you can say I don't want to hear from you, but I'm not avoiding you, thats a straight out contradiction. But I'm just some internet girl, what would I know? Link to comment
StapleIt Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I just read it again and I can't believe that you have told a bunch of random internet users more about how you felt about this girl in 10 sentences than you claim to have told her in 3 years. Thats really wrong. Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 This is from a 2005 thread here, but really sums up the benefits of NC I think... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4 months on, my advice to those in pain.. I have been in NC since the start of the year and with each passing day I think about her less and less. The bitterness is going as well, whatever she thinks "love" is she definitely felt it strongly for me, she doesn't anymore but that's not her fault. It's also not her fault that she has a different idea about love than me, to be honest I'm not even sure what mine is, but i think it's different to hers ! Whatever reason there is for her falling out of love with me, I am unlikely to ever figure out. It's been 4 months now and that's been more than long enough to ask questions and torture myself when really, it doesn't matter. Thanks to all the great advice I've had on this site, even if I didn't like all of it at the time. I've done all I can now it really looks like we will become total strangers which is fine by me because after all that's happened that's how she feels anyway. There are a few things I wish I had had the strength to do post break up which I didn't these are 1) Walk away and don't expend much effort being their friend, tell them why and stick with NC. 2) Do not meet them in the hope that they will either realise their mistake or show signs of being in the same distress as you, they wont. 3) Detach yourself from their lives, don't try and find out what they are up to and who with. Anything they are doing will be interpreted in the most hurtful way by you in this time of battered self esteem, whether true or not you will always think the worst and end up assuming you meant nothing to them, which is not true. At least that's how I felt. 4) Do not make excuses or accept excuses to see them. 5) It's their loss !! If the relationship was as special as it must have been to cause all the grief, then good luck to them finding what they once had (i.e. you), they wont find another. Link to comment
StapleIt Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 Right here Ellie2006 She knows the way I feel about her but she probably doesnt know it to the depth that I have posted here. Link to comment
BrokenBear Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 That's a good post Coyote... now if only I could follow those points! Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 That's a good post Coyote... now if only I could follow those points! Unlike the last 6 months of my relationship, where I tried to do everything and anything to make the relationship work (and of course she simply withdrew faster and further and was done in April with the entire thing), I have found that NC is easy to practice in the sense that we don't have to do anything....what a great concept, do nothing, and it gets better! Of course it's hard, and I have to constantly not put myself in situations where I might even see her car or people we know in common as I might find myself dialing or texting still. The hardest part is detaching from getting any information about her currently, who she's dating, how she's doing, etc. I simply can't know if NC is to do what it's supposed to do. If I keep her out of my sight and away from hearing about her, I know I can make it another day! Link to comment
AusTrist Posted June 17, 2007 Author Share Posted June 17, 2007 I just read it again and I can't believe that you have told a bunch of random internet users more about how you felt about this girl in 10 sentences than you claim to have told her in 3 years. Thats really wrong. I told her how I felt about her all the time. I just never explained it in the depth that I explained on here that's all. I am mainly really keeping NC for her so she can figure herself out and sort her life out. It has helped me just think about the way I am and how to improve myself for the future also. I wasn't always perfect but therewasn't a time where I didn't put ina little effort. Sometimes I was probably a little bit selfish and that's something I am going to work on. I am just really confused mainly for the fact that I never did anything really wrong and it all seemed fine. I like talking to her still but I'm worried it's just going to become a friend zone thing which I am not really wanting just yet until I know what she wants. I don't want to be left hanging so I have been going out trying to forget about things and trying to meet new people. I find if I dont do something and I stay home I just don't stop thinking about her and wondering what she is doing. I just wish i could have a definate answer so I know where I stand and can move on easier. Thanks for the replies guys Link to comment
StapleIt Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 Has she not giving you any indication of what she want from you? Did she say 'its just a break' or was it more like 'don't wait around for me' type of a thing. If its either of the above I say it means she is being nice about it, the first being wait, I just need some time, the second meaning, leave me alone. If its neither do you get any sorta 'vibe' about it, gut feelings usually work too but maybe when there is so much emotion it doesn't? Link to comment
AusTrist Posted June 24, 2007 Author Share Posted June 24, 2007 Gut feelings aint working but she has told me not to wait around for her which isnt a good indication. She also told me tonight that she doesnt know how she feels about me now which doesnt help. I aint having the best times lately and its getting harder for me because of a few other things going on in my life. No matter how hard I try to be positive there is always something else out there being a big negative for me. It is ebing a truly difficult and trying month for me I just hope it all works out for the better for me soon is all Link to comment
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