Man leaves his wife after 3 year affair

[shari186]

Well I have been having an affair with a married man for 3 years. We have a 1 1/2 year old son together. He has left his wife 2 times before but has quickly went back to her. He has now left her and says this time it is really over. He has done some bad things to me over the years. Nothing abusive or anything. I am truly in love with this man and can't decide if we should be together or not. Part of me doesn't trust him and I am trying to forgive the past things he has done. I need some advice badly. My family and friends do not like this man so I can not discuss it with thim. Please help me. Should I give him the chance?

[secret_agent_man]

Hello, thanks for bringing this to eNotalone, I hope you get the advice you're after!

 

My first reaction here is to look out for the child, but this seems wildly out of control... If the man has been having an affair for this long, and is this unstable in his relationships, it seems like a lose-lose situation. I don't really see either alternative as being perfect, but I think I would personally move on and never look back. Sort of... cut your losses, more or less. I understand that you say you are in love with this man, but from the looks of it, it doesn't seem to have much relationship potential, and be very careful not to get caught up in a relationship based on lies!

 

Just think very carefully about what kind of stability you want in your life, and in your child's. Try to understand that the actual biological father is not always the best father figure anyway, so finding someone more reliable and trustworthy may be the best course of action.

 

I hope this helps, and best of luck for everyone involved!

S.A.M.

[Mar]

I agree with Secret......if he had an affair for THAT long with his wife, what's to say you're the only one he cheated on her with, or that he won't do it to you eventually? The fact that his conscience at NO time interfered, to the point of having a CHILD with you, bothers me greatly. Not to mention the fact that he's treated you badly. It's very easy to say words that sound like they mean something....proving them is another issue entirely. Is that the role model you want for your child, that his/her father was a philanderer who thought it was just fine to mess around on his wife with you and go so far as having a child, yet it took him 3 years to get around to actually LEAVING her? Not to mention the fact that I'm assuming he hasn't actually filed for divorce yet, nor moved out.

 

I'd SERIOUSLY consider where this relationship could go, and the consequences of staying with a man who, A YEAR AND A HALF AFTER HIS CHILD WAS BORN, finally got around to mentioning that maybe this time he'll really leave his wife. There are SO many nice guys out there who are unattached, and more than willing to take on a child not of their blood, simply because they love that child as much as they love its mother. Granted, you made the mistake of hooking up with a married guy in the first place, so this falls on your shoulders too, but it's certainly not too late to rectify the situation! Don't make a mistake worse and move on with this guy if you're having this much difficulty in figuring out whether he's sincere or not........you don't just have yourself to think of, you also have this child. Everything I read in that post screams to me that he's NOT the man you need in your life. Good luck!