I messed up. Help

[Dev007]

I finally got the balls to tell my ex GF (she dumped me) that I didn't think we should be friends anymore. I told her I knew I would always want more and I told her that my feelings for her would get in the way of a successful friendship.

 

When I was about to let her go she was sounding depressed and hurt by what I was doing. "So you just want to eliminate me from your life", she said. I could hear she was on the verge of crying.

 

I'm too nice for my own good and we ended up agreeing that I would call her after 2 weeks of NC(the mistake). Then we would reevaluate the possibility of friendship.

 

I know I messed up by breaking NC to tell her I didn't think we should be friends, and I know I will always want her back.

 

What would you do in this situation?

[tylercdurden2004]

So you were not in contact before you told her you didnt want to be friends?

 

If you truly cant be a friend (no feelings invovles) then I would say walk. You are not on this planet to satisfy her. But you at least made an attempt to set timelines (never, 2 weeks, 2 months ) when to establish contact again.

 

If anything do not keep her hopes up by keeping her in limbo. Simply state you need (insert timeline) to figure out what you want to do. Do not keep her hoping, its simply not fair to her. You have to come to some decision where you stand with her, in fariness to her and to yourself.

[Dev007]

Well I had 3 days of NC then she called me, then 4 more days of NC, then I saw her at my house (she was baby sitting my brother) and she left extremely quickly without saying much or even looking me in the eyes. I got frustrated because I was trying to be nice and she pretty much ignored me. So I decided we shouldn't be friends because I know that stuff will happen all the time

[tylercdurden2004]

Well I had 3 days of NC then she called me, then 4 more days of NC, then I saw her at my house (she was baby sitting my brother) and she left extremely quickly without saying much or even looking me in the eyes. I got frustrated because I was trying to be nice and she pretty much ignored me. So I decided we shouldn't be friends because I know that stuff will happen all the time

 

 

Sounds like you both need time to cool off. From each other. Why not agree to meet up at a later date say 2 months down the road. This should give you some time to sort out your feelings (same for her). At that point then you can decide if friendship is worth persuing. I have done this before and it works well as no one is left in the dark about what will happen. Dont make promises other than to meet up at a predetermined time to see how things are. You will want to keep the discussion light at that point and see where things go.

[candidate_0]

I've been and am in almost the same situation as you (ex dumped me, wanted to stay friends, i tried got too hard then told her and did 2 weeks of nc before i told her i'd talk to her again because she was crying about it).

 

I've talked to her again tonight, after a few days NC and all we seem to do is argue, just petit remarks come out like that, it's nothing serious but we can't get passed it, we broke up 4 months ago because she found another guy. I've done a bit of a stupid thing and told her I will never be happy for her while she's with him and that she needs to be able to be her own person (because she's latched onto him and fallen face first in love in a short-term relationship - we're off to university in september).

 

I don't think you messed up, she's obviously just not expected you to say that, but I think it's for the best. I know I will always want my ex back too, and she's said she's "scared for us in the future" (same uni) because she knows I won't ever see her a different way, I told her things aren't going to change and we need to move on.

 

In light of it all, she made her decision for whatever reason but if she can't accept things have changed then it shouldn't have to hurt you when carrying on talking to her.