grashamm Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 OK quick recap! This woman and I lived together for 2 and a half years. She graduated college and her and I moved to a new city for her internship. One month later she left me and it looked like she was cheating on me. She was emotionally but maybe not physically. I don't know. But she was very hurtful and deceitful for a couple of months after that. To which I told her I couldn't have any contact with her. I haven't seen her for 3 months. A week ago she tried contacting me. I waited a few days and told her she could call me. We talked a bit and I told her I didn't know if I could ever trust her again and I didn't want to talk to her unless she wanted to work things out. We talked again today. She told me she was going to the doctor for depression and seeking counseling. She also told me she never really had feelings for the other guy and that she wasn't seeing him anymore. Then she asked me to go play golf with her when I got back into town. She didn't say she wanted me back, but it is a step in the right direction. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I don't get the point of this thread. Link to comment
grashamm Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 The point is that maybe there is hope for people that they can get back together Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 Based on your one anecdotal and as yet unresolved experience? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I hate to play doom and gloom here, but do you really think that a few months changes a person who has a personality that is able to cheat, either emotionally or physically? Even if she wants you back I'd likely not want her back. Seeing someone for depression is not a cure all for a person who cheats. It might help, but it might not do a thing. IF you were to get her back today, how will you konw that you won't be right back on the same cycle wagon again? A few months apart does not fix the problems that you had. I doubt I would want someone back that didn't speak to me for three months and cheated on me. What kind of future can you hope to have with this kind of person? Don't forget the reality here. Link to comment
grashamm Posted June 1, 2007 Author Share Posted June 1, 2007 Yeah Yeah I know it does not mean a lot. But it means something. As for the old relationship that is not fixable its broken. We have to rebuild a new one. However, if you love someone I believe that you are supposed to be understanding and supportive. I am not happy with the things that she has done but I was not a the best b/f at times and have gone to counseling as well. Link to comment
PetuliaQ24 Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 She didnt speak to you for 3 months?. I think perhaps she is feeling down again and needs a leaning post, Sorry if that is harsh because I know how you feel, I have been in love with the same guy for 5 years now. I'm pathetic coz I keep taking him back and he does the same thing, when hes down hes back, then he feels ok and goes off with someone else, My advice to you is to stay away, but how many people said that to me I cant count!!!!! Link to comment
ryan250 Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Some things are just not fixable. Link to comment
NYAmicas Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Well I see the other point the posters made but you seem happy so I wish you the best. Link to comment
rokston Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 although i think the majority of relationships, which go through this kind of situation are likely to fail in the long term, it is important to remember that every one is different. i have read several posts here about people who manged to reconcile and are very happy in LTR after a break. also, i met with my cousin last night who took a break from a LTR and 5 months later realized he was a complete fool - lucky for him they are back together and expecting their first child, very happy. anyway, point is that some people are able to work through this king of stuff. you should probably find out for sure if she was cheating on you, then decide whether you would take the risk of being hurt again. either way, good luck and all the best!! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 2, 2007 Share Posted June 2, 2007 Yeah Yeah I know it does not mean a lot. But it means something. As for the old relationship that is not fixable its broken. We have to rebuild a new one. However, if you love someone I believe that you are supposed to be understanding and supportive. I am not happy with the things that she has done but I was not a the best b/f at times and have gone to counseling as well. Yes we should be understanding and supportive to those we love, but we should also love OURSELVES enough to expect that we get it in return. Relationships where one of the partners is doing most of the loving and supporting end up being very dysfunctional and draining. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 Relationships where one of the partners is doing most of the loving and supporting end up being very dysfunctional and draining.True... unless one partner is a masochist/martyr and the other is a narcissist/sociopath. Then everybody's happy until one or the other snaps out of it. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted June 3, 2007 Share Posted June 3, 2007 I was the half of the relatipnship that did mosty of the loving and it destroyed me. She's now in a realtionship where she is in the situation that i was. I sometimes wonder if she now sees why i became the broken wreck of a woman that she left time after time Link to comment
grashamm Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 Well, this weekend she expressed that misses the relationship however I still do not know her intent and I would like to know what brought her to this revelation after treating me so horribly. I do understand she is still in emotional distress and do not force her to talk about these things if she does not want to. I supported her decision and praised her for getting help yet I have not expressed any desire to return to the relationship and will need many questions answered and more effort on her part before I feel comfortable that I can trust her again. This, of course, is no fun for me and I it is very tempting to accept her back into my life ASAP. But that will do neither of us any good. So it is back to the waiting game for me and I will be asking her to provide me with the answers to some of my questions upon our next communication. Otherwise, I will remain in LC or NC. Link to comment
suzeeQ Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 As someone who is presently embroiled in a frankly silly on/off relationship I think it's fair to give someone another shot if you're prepared enough should it fail again. If you really want to do it and it doesn't work at least you can say you tried, but I wouldn't recommend more than a 2nd chance because going back again and again is torturous. I should take my own advice but have you looked at your motives for wanting to get back together. Is it because you had something special or because your feeling a bit lonely and nostalgic or whatever. Ultimately you'll do what you're gonna do and I hope everything works out Link to comment
hueman84 Posted June 9, 2007 Share Posted June 9, 2007 All I know is that "once a cheater always a cheater" My ex got cheated on by her ex and then I went out with her for a year and she would always be like "oh i'll never cheat on you cause I know how it feels...blah blah blah". She cheated on me not only once but possibly 2-3 times in the 3.5 years we went out for. I took her back after the first two times....but the third time she left me and she left me saying she would rather be unsure and not with me rather than being with me...I was the best bf and did everything for her...but in the end she was a * * * * *. Link to comment
rain-drop-kisses Posted August 2, 2007 Share Posted August 2, 2007 its possible... i just did it. it is a long road though, and very difficult at times... Link to comment
Ripples Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 As for the old relationship that is not fixable its broken. We have to rebuild a new one. If you strip down a washing machine and rebuild it with the same parts, what do you have? Link to comment
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