depression/ anger/ frustration? I can't figure it all out

[crinklecat]

I suffer from depression. Have been on paxil for some time now, as the aftermath of a very brutal divorce. Had to basically start my life over. Went to counselling for 2+ years, lost the job I had for 10 years, moved away from home but relapsed and had to move back. Since then I got a new job which I loved at one time but now I dont like it anymore. I feel like I was used by my company in several aspects, and am currently trying to find another job with possible career potential as the one that I have is also very dead end. I believe in taking "little steps" as my counselor had advised me to not overwhelm myself and keep everything in check.

 

Lately (for the past 3 months or so) my level of frustration with all the things that I am trying to attain to rebuild my life has gradually increased. I tried to start dating, but get so incised with how people act in the dating scene gets me stressed. I thought that maybe going out with some nice guys would make me feel comfortable, but I get pissed off because it seems that the dates that I am matched up with (through a matching service) have nothing in common with me or are not interested in another date, even as friends.

 

I work in a customer service job, which I am required at times to deal with very upleasant people. It used to not bother me, but now I'm just tired. I am tired of having people yell at me. I just don't want to do this job anymore. It's boring. I want to enjoy what I do and I have realized that this is not it. I have been actively looking for another job with possible career potential, but have had little luck. I'm getting frustrated with this too.

 

I feel that the depression is coming back, Like I am at the tip of blowing up.. It really frustrates me that I have been busting my butt to get back to where I was post divorce, and I am struggling so much. Sometimes I feel like I have the touch of black death. Everything I do doesnt work out or pan out or completely falls apart. For once in my life I would just like to get a break. I can honestly say that there have been glimmers of happiness like the days pre-marriage/divorce, but that person is so long gone. I dont even know if she exists anymore. I use all the tools that I have learned in my counseling and I can honestly say, that they arent working this time.. I'm frustrated angry, and sick and tired of being patient. I've been patient for a long time, too long. I feel that I have done so much work for so little. *sigh*

 

Sorry for my go-off manifesto, but the fingers kept typing...

 

All I want to do is relax and be ok.... any suggestions for dealing with this?

[Cin]

Hey Girl, you said it , Just Relaxe!! Its all in your head, the mind controls all, so when your ready to you will , in the mean time ,when you catch your self worring or stressing over some thing just stop and tell your self you do and then say so what? Just keep chillin and kind some thing that makes you relax and do that. make fun of the things that stress you out, you may end up laughing alot more so just keep it real

[crinklecat]

I wish I knew what relaxation was... have always been the high strung type...that's kind of what triggered the realization that I may need to see the psych once again... I have not been able to relax for the last few months.....

[spun874554]

I suffered with anxiety and depression, Low confidence.

 

Try to take half hour out in the morning just too relax, and half hour at night.

 

people like you and me I don't think we notice we aren't takin time out to relax.

 

Anxiety will cause depression, if you're always fustrated you'll become tense and you're muscles will start to stick like that, which send messages to you're brain to always be on you're alert, carn't stop thinking, try to just let go for half hour

 

my councillor gave me this relaxation tape to listen too, it involed tensing muscles and relaxing them.

 

I'm still stuck in a job I hate, I had to low of confidence to change job, but I've now tried to make the move, I'm going for job interviews.

 

I'm a little depressed I think it's just because I'm all alone, I'm very shy I'm not very good with meeting new people, scared of being alone.

[Gilgamesh]

I shell out a lot of info in this forum, in the attempt to help others, and its always a great joy, when i get a thank you letter for my advise, my problem is, that lately I have been getting relapse of my depression, also caused by the end of a 4 year relationship that ended in Feb.

 

I will be fine, then all of a sudden the memories flood in, little "triggers" that just crush down on me at once, I have not taken therepy or drugs, and maybe i should at this point, because the emotions are taking control of me, I know what I should do, I know exactly whats needed, and yet, its not easy to practice what one preaches.

 

As I right this e-mail, tears flow down my cheeks, I miss the love I felt at one time, and although I know it will come again in the future with someone else, in the mean time its just me and the good and bad memories of everything that happened in the past, I hold them back, I function, then bammo, im in this mood.

[FiguringItOut]

Hey, I feel for ya, sister, I know what it's like to be so down.

 

Lately I've been going through some "Stuff". It concerns a guy, among other things, and now it's all messed up and hopelessly confused. I have decided that I'm just going to walk away from it all, and let the whole thing go. But I've been real sad about life lately, feeling lost, hopeless, and terribly depressed at times.

Occasionally I look at what's going on here and wonder "What am I doing all this for?" Not considering suicide, or any of that, but wondering if I've made the right career decision, with the right people, do I want to move somewhere else and start over? etc. Geographical cures don't solve anything, though, and I know that no matter where I go, there I am.

 

So, I'm just taking things one day at a time, trying to keep my head above water, and trying to be confident that everything will work out for the best.

I have to remember that life is good times, as well as not so good times, and just take things as they come.

 

I hope you feel better soon, going is tough sometimes, but if you hang in there long enough, it gets better.