Someone please tell me it stops!

[sunshine13]

I have posted several times over the past 8 months.

Many different feelings and stages.

This time I am at a loss. Does the pain and hurt EVER go away?

It has been 8 months since we broke up. Saturday night was the first time that I have seen or talked to my ex since the day he broke up with me.

We both had been drinking for a while that night but ran into each other at a bar at the end of the night. He left and came back 3 times to talk to me. He was with his friends and they were all very nice. After I left the bar I got about 30 text msgs and 3 phone calls from him and his friends. He kept trying to get to me to come to see him at the place he was staying. And told me he wanted to be friends and missed me.

Of course I said NO to going over there. The last text was at 5:45 am.

I text him yesterday and asked him if he would like to play catch up someday. I never heard back. I have not stopped thinking about him, crying, and sick to my stomach. After seeing and talking to him . . . I miss him so much! I know that he does not want to speak to me. So can someone please tell me WHY it hurts so bad and WHY I cannot get over him. I am at my wits end. It has been 8 months and all I want is to get over him!!!!!!!! I need help!!!!

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

yeah it does.......how long it takes depends on you.........its all up to you wehn you get over it....wanna get over it fast

 

realize u somebody with or without them.......ure a perfect person for a relationship its like the loser of the superbowl....no need to cry, i knwo im a good team, and imma do better next time

[sunshine13]

Trust me. . . I think that way.

I still love him. I can't stop. The past 8 months I have gone on with my life and then I see him or hear about him . . . I go crazy with heartbreak all over again!!!

4.5 years of my life down the drain. I am literally going to go crazy if this keeps up. I can't take it anymore.

[Tigris]

When a new man comes into your life the memories of him will fade and you won't feel like this anymore.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Trust me. . . I think that way.

I still love him. I can't stop. The past 8 months I have gone on with my life and then I see him or hear about him . . . I go crazy with heartbreak all over again!!!

4.5 years of my life down the drain. I am literally going to go crazy if this keeps up. I can't take it anymore.

 

 

you were with your ex for 4 and half years?

 

sweetie you have to give yourself a little more time ... its ok to feel sad and feel a little lost without them..thats normal....very normal.

[sunshine13]

Yes. It was 4.5 years.

I just want these feelings to be over. After seeing/talking to him one time I am devasted as if we just broke up yesterday.

It doesn't help that he texted and called all night asking me to come and see him and the next day he goes back to pretending that I never existed.

I feel horribly sick!

Although I have dated other people. . . I am not ready to get serious with anyone else. He is the only person that I want to be with.

He knows that. . That is why he does these things.

But I can't be mean and I can't be nice.

I just want the hurt to go away already!

[paysley]

Trust me. . . I think that way.

I still love him. I can't stop. The past 8 months I have gone on with my life and then I see him or hear about him . . . I go crazy with heartbreak all over again!!!

4.5 years of my life down the drain. I am literally going to go crazy if this keeps up. I can't take it anymore.

 

What I'm beginning to realize is that a huge part of the healing process involves letting go of negative emotions. I'm with you when I think of what we could have become as a couple travelling our paths together in harmony. But that eats me up and causes me to fall right back to the place I was when my relationship first ended. What I think we all need to look at in our relationships that ended is the good we took from them - no matter what! You say 4.5 years wasted - I say 4.5 years you lived, loved, experienced, learned, grew. I think - no matter what type of relationship ending someone had - we need to think this way in order for all those painful emotions to truly become a stepping stone for what our future holds for you as people who want to love and be loved - to continue to experience and learn - with or without them in our lives the way we once knew. We never have to let go of that love - we can carry it within our hearts forever. We just need to turn our focus to more positives! It's a hard way to think - I know. But reflecting on a bad situation I may have had in my relationship allows me to truly see how I would do things differently in the future.

 

Don't get me wrong - I want him in my life sooooooooooooo bad. But carrying good memories of us with me in my heart makes other tasks I need to tackle everyday a little less scary.

[Clabs]

Hey paysley - great post - a lot of wize words there!

 

How did your interview go?

 

Mark

[andy5128]

8 months seems a long time but when you were with someone for so long I suppose it's not really. It must of been hard bumping into him and especially for him to lead you on as he did.. Give it time and dont judge yourself for not being over him as time heals but in your time and when your ready..

[sunshine13]

Thank you.

I know that you are right.

It is time for me to stop being so hard on myself about these things.

I am such a happy person all of the time but for some odd reason he just KILLS me!

[andy5128]

Stick with it sunshine.. You have been doing great, we all have our setbacks.. It's only natural to feel as you have.. Just put this behind you and move forward.. Yeah, dont be so hard on yourself..!

[sunshine13]

Ok. . . Just as soon as someone tells me how to do that

I am a Virgo. . . we are always hard on ourselves

[fifregister]

sunshine,

 

i'm sorry to see that you're hurting. as the others have said, 4.5 years is a very long time, and it'll hurt for awhile. but you WILL get through this. it's likely that the more it hurts, the longer it will take for you to get over it. but know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. one trick you can do is to think of all the bad things about your ex, all the hurtful, mean, nasty things he's done. then you won't be longing for the relationship and feel the pain of not having what you want. another trick is "thought-stopping." as soon as you think of your ex, try to stop yourself and replace that thought with something else. i've used a sport tally counter to help me check myself when those thoughts come. it's extremely difficult, but it's possible.

 

anyone who's been at this end of breaking up can appreciate how horrible and painful it can be. but we got through it, and you will too. keep on posting in here, and perhaps consider talking to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings to ease the pain...

 

best wishes to you.

[sunshine13]

Any thoughts on why that night he would keep coming back to talk to me and calling, texting and asking to see me. Then the next day act (again) as if I never existed? Does alcohol really make people do those things, then he sobers the next day and realizes he still hates me or what?

[fifregister]

sunshine - i sense that you're still holding on to some hope because he called, texted, and asked to see you that night. i don't have an explanation for his motive; nobody does. it could be that he missed you, wanted to see you. it could be because he wanted to be friends. it could be because he wanted to play mind games and hates you. but the real questions is, who cares?

 

instead of wondering why he is doing these things, it might be better to focus on yourself. what do YOU want? do you WANT to hold on to hope for this person, or to move on and focus on your own life?

 

when i broke up with my ex of 3 years, the same mind games, hit-and-miss, text-and-no-reply charades happened. once i completely cut him out of my life (NO email, phone calls, text messages, looking at pictures, myspace, etc.), the healing began...

[kekep]

sunshine, i mean this when i say it...i know EXACTLY how you feel. it has been the same amount of time as you for me that my ex and i broke up...about 8 months ago. that was after 5 yrs together. believe me when i tell you, i was devastated, and the rejection and betrayal of it still stings even til this day. i think the hardest part is letting go of the old habits of talking everyday, or maybe it's losing the hope i had for our future together. either way, breakups suck the big one and they're really hard to get through. that's why all the people on this site are on here, suffering just like you.

 

what you need to realize now is, as difficult a concept as it is to grasp at this time, your ex is not "the one." there is always going to be a connection there b/c you were in love with this person, and they loved you, and that is a truly beautiful thing. thing is though, the right person for you is going to want to rough it through the difficult times right alongside you. a truly loving relationship involves staying together, and working through your problems and issues, not running away from them. the right person is not going to turn their backs on you the way your ex did; they are not going to *want* to pursue relationships with other people. you are going to be enough for that special somebody. if your ex wants to let a wonderful person like you go, then that is his loss, not yours.

 

that doesn't mean it's easy to let your ex go; if anyone knows it, i do. i've gone through the same things as you...late night phone calls, the "i still love you"'s and all that BS...when it comes down to it, if THAT person wanted to be with you, they would move mountains to make it happen. and he has shown you he is incapable of doing that at this time, for whatever reason. the right person is out there waiting for you, sunshine. try to hold onto that the next time you see your ex, or he makes contact with you. you deserve better than this... be strong!!! hugs

[sunshine13]

I am not really sure what it is that I am feeling about it.

That is why I am posting here. I know that I am hurt very badly. But I also know that I wouldn't go back to that relationship.

You are absolutely right though. . . I really need to stop focusing on the why. I have been doing perfectly fine for the past few months with only a few minor setbacks.

Hopefully this one only lasts a short time as well.

[sunshine13]

KeKep. . .

I copied and pasted that into my yahoo account so I could read it when I am feeling down.

Thanks a million