NightLily

Lisaria.. don't we all wish we knew the answer to that? I have this feeling I may never know, and that kills me.

But.. on the good side... I think, I haven't talked to him yet. I have yet to cave in if I ever do. And.. I know it hasn't been that long really, but I am hoping this first few weeks will be the hardest. I have no idea if they will be or not. We'll see I guess. Right now I have just sort of.. decided that for some reason he doesn't care and for some reason.. he isn't a very good person or something. I think maybe he has no moral strandards what so ever.. and that maybe.. all he cares about is himself. And I just try to tell myself that it is his loss and that I want nothing to do with that. And that.. he'll end up with some.. I don't know.

All of the promises.. they just seem to.. rule your life one minute and then the next, they are completely dead. At first, they are the roots of your foundation and the next you are left with the wind out of you and unsure .. I didn't like that feeling at all. I just try to keep telling myself that.. my future is wide open and that there are tons of great guys out there.. and.. one day I'll have one of them. Sometimes.. I just feel so abandoned. I know that I was the one that left for good.. but.. I only did that because he really left me no choice. And.. it seems like.. the further I get away from him the more I dislike him. The more I see how.. horrible he is and how horrible he was to me. But.. I still feel lonley regardless.

I guess I needed to vent a little.. to keep me away for another day.

*looks down*

SuzyQ

aawwww.. Did this actually happen to you? I would be so happy if it did. I like happy endings..

Well a lot of people here have said stuff about self confidence which is very true, but I won't get into that.

If you want an honest answer on how I think you can improve your looks, here it is:

-I would suggest maybe plucking your eyebrows or getting them waxed so that thy are still manly, but not quite as thick or bushy.

-smile! Chances are, if you had been smiling in that picture I would have thought you were a lot more attractive..

-I would agree that you should shave to the point where you have maybe a shadow or a little stubble. Especially if you have a strong chin hidden underneath that beard.

-just work on losing a few pounds or spend some time outside enjoying yourself.

-also, I would try updating your hairstyle.

Other then that, you have cute eyes (big and brown puppy dog eyes. heh) and you aren't in any way repulsive looking. And oh yes, about the nose job? I really doubt you need one. If you were female MAYBE, but guys can pull off noses with a little bit of character to them. In most cases, it actually makes them look better.

Peace,

SuzyQ

What attracts me to a guy..

Basic guidlines for physical attractivness: Usually tall, dark, and handsome lol. I guess that is my stereotypical ideall but I do find so many other things attractive.

Other then that: A guy that keeps his head up. He isn't slouching all over the place with his eyes to the ground, and he seems to be a momma's boy. Also, if I find out that he irons his own clothes, cooks his own food, or something of that nature.. that is also every attractive. I don't need to be his mother! Also, a nice, warm smile is really attactive.. and a sense of self.

*sighs dreamily*

SuzyQ

Ahh.. Well, I used my first tampon when I was 11 (I was a serious swimmer so I had no option). The first time I used one I was literally about to pass out on the floor. Lol. So I wouldn't worry so much about the dizzyness this time around. If it continues it could be an issue. Also, pushing the second portion into the tube always seems to be the only part that gives you any trouble.. so just put a little bit more force behind it or even try changing the angle of your pushing.

Umm.. and as for the coming out part, there is always (at least for me) a little period of time where it feels "stuck in there" but it always slowly starts to come out. Think of it this way, if you did only have to put a little teeny tug on the string and it came out, it wouldn't be very secure at all, now would it?

And for the uncomfortableness.. here are the two possibilties I see.

1-If you are still a virgin, try using slim fit if you are not already. If you are using like super absorbancy, I can definetly see why this would be uncomfortable.

2-like you thought, it may have not been in there far enough

Aaaaand.. to keep yourself from getting faint, make sure you stay calm and that you are breathing heh. Also, make sure that you are in a comfortable position while using them. And if you feel yourself tensing up, stop for a second, take a deep breath, and try to relax.

Hope that helps with your somewhat "private" question,

SuzyQ

You must be.. one of those intelligent, dark, mysterious guys.. eh?

*thinks for a second about this*

I'm single

Anyways, you seem to write in a very poetic style. You don't seem to use words so much as there literal meanings but more to convey a feeling or mood. Do you care to explain exactly what you are trying to get at by the first stanza? Also, I'm somewhat interested in what exactly .. "inspired" you or prompted you to write this poem.

Peace,

SuzyQ

You own my soul Rage. (joking) Question.. does this poem talk about ho wyou actually feel? Or were you stepping into somebody else's shoes while writing this?

How can so few words be so impactful? Doesn't it seem to be that sometimes the shortest poems.. are the strongest? (I guess good things really do come in small pakages).

A 14 year old with some insight and wisdom. Refreshing

*hugs smiles* Why does it always seem like once you open yourself up to a person and let them into your life, they intentionally trash your whole world? At least, that is what is seems to be like to me right now. Although I do have some hope that one day I'll find that person that actually deserves my trust. We seem to be in the same situation in many many ways.

The difference is that recently (2 days ago) I left him for good (as in never to talk to him ever again). He didn't even give me a proper good bye and somehow I'm still scared to death that I am doing the wrong thing. But, your post reassured me that I am.. and it makes me feel a little bit better to see somebody giving advice that seems to fit my situation and reassure me. So, thanks smiles I hope somewhere down the road you can look back and be able to say "well, maybe he was a loser, but I have grown so much as a person.. and he can never have the "new and improved" me" heh.

The best of wishes,

SuzyQ

Thank you for your post amarath. Some of what you said is quite true and makes a lot of sense.. for instance:

You'd be calling for some sort of recognition from him for your investment in him, but you won't get it. And you will be sorely disappointed again

That in many ways, is completely on. I invested so much in him and it just went nowhere. I guess in ways I am an idealist and naive perhaps. Believing in the fairytale of true love and how I will somehow end up with this great guy and have the white picket fence and 2.4 kids. Heh. To me, it just seems to .. intangible that he could suddenly become this .. "ugly." And about him doing things the proper way. That is part of what annoys me so much! Why, because he acts as if he DID and I'm just some annoying *$%*## ex or something like that. (He has called me that..)

I just don't understand how people can treat each other like he has treated me.. and I just.. don't understand how he even lives with himself or jusifies how he acts. I guess even Hitler could justify his actions though.. (did I just compare him to Hitler?? O.o)

I need to find a way for seeing him as all of you do.. logicaly, I would agree totally.. but I just.. can't. *sigh*...

now my mood is..

All those times he said he loved me.. I trusted him. I trusted him with my heart.. he said that he TRIED TO BE GENTLE? HUH? ... maybe he was gentle. Was he? AHG.

....

SuzyQ

Thanks for the help you guys. I guess it really does look like he is completely what both of you said but I just have the hardest time accepting that. I trusted him completely fo the longest time and to turn around one day and suddenly see him as a completely different person really isn't the easiest thing to do. Also, to lisaria, it really isn't that I want him to .. profess his "undying" love to me or something.. I really don't think I would ever take him back no matter what. I don't know what I really want I guess. I always saw things as me and him--"us." And all of a sudden there is no us.. there is just me. It kind of feels like.. having your imbilical cord chopped I guess. Feels sort of like a part of you dies. I just.. god.. my heart just hurts.

He said he.. "can't control how he feels." Over his "feelings" for this other girl. Can he really not? Does that excuse in any way what he did to me? .. I'll just live by this mantra for today: "Avoid him, avoid him, avoid him"

Thanks guys,

SuzyQ

Okay. I'll give you guys an over view of my relationship with my ex. We dated for nearly 3 years. He was my first boyfriend and I was his second girlfriend. In the beginning of the relationship, he was always talking about his ex and it made me somewhat nervous.. later, he broke up with me saying that things weren't working. Well, he in fact was trying to get his ex back and had told her that he loved her while we were dating. Lies. Obviously, this hurt an incredible amount because he always reasured me (or lied to me) that he didn't want her back. Things didn't work out with them. This sent him into a ton of emotional turmoil, and he expected me to pick up the pieces. Being the martyr that I am, I put my tears and broken heart aside and listened to hours of how he missed her and how miserable he was.. when he SHOULD have been miserable.. over our breakup. Or at least.. somewhat remourseful?

Our relationship slowly started to recover but I didn't ever regain total faith in him I guess. He "cleaned up his act" and started trying to win me back. In my gut, I told myself that I shouldn't take him back.. but.. eventually, I did. Yes I know this was stupid. Anyways, we started dating again and I told myself that he couldn't possibly do the same thing to me again. But, he became friends with a girl and always again, reassured me that he was only friends with her. Well, one day she broke up with her boyfriend. A few days following, he dumped me. AND he started pursuing her right away. When he found out that a guy had his arm around me at a party, he told me that they had had sex thirteen times in a week since we broke up. The day we broke up. This put me into a state of complete and utter shock. He later told me he was lying and they really hadn't. But what can I trust?? -_-.. Anyways, again things weren't working well, and he wanted me to pick up the pieces. He would try to pursue me when things didn't go well and he described to me how she kissed him (ouch!).

Now, we haven't been talking very often at all. He says that he cares blah blah and always tried to jusity his actions. Hurting the one person that loyaly, faithfully, stuck beside him for 3 years. *shakes her head*.. Last night, I told him I needed the relationship to end. I don't trust him at all and I have lost all respect for him. I regain my strength when I don't see him and then I talk to him and everything is worse again. Well, he didn't even give me the time of day to say good bye. (it is long distance) He left before giving me the chance to say good bye forever. .. Well, I did my "rounds" and made sure he had no way of contacting me etc.. So I can heal completely with out worrying about him trying to weasle his way back into my life again.

It really hurts that he left with out letting me even say good bye. I desperatly want to contact him and not go through with it, but.. at the same time I know that I should stick with this. I'm torn. And, I don't know if I am doing the right thing. Please, somebody either reassure me on this.. or stop me?

Hurt and lonely,

SuzyQ

Well this is this guy that I like, and when I found out that he liked me as well, I kind of shyed off and have been "avoiding him." Weird thing is.. I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps I am a little scared a weary. *sigh*

Keep hope!

SuzyQ

Well this may sound odd. But I am still mad at my ex and I am completely over him. I never would date him again no matter what so I am pretty sure I can say I am over him. I don't know exactly what happened with your break up, but my ex treated me absolutely horribly to the point where I had to completely redefine who I see him to be and I lost all shreads of respect for him. .. If that could somehow be the case with your break up then it is quite possible she is over you.

On the other hand, if that could not possibly be the case then it is possible she isn't over you. But I would say you really shouldn't let that be a factor in how you treat her or try to get back with her. That could quite possibly amplify how she is feeling and either make her hate you more or the problems could come back to bite you in the butt later. heh.

Hope that different view point on the situation helps you understand your situation better,

SuzyQ

In many ways I have been there.. done that. Not the moving in parts and a few other details but the general feeling is very much the same. *sigh*..

You told him to never see you again. I think most likely you are doing the right thing. He sounds like the kind of guy that will feel no remorse over doing this to you, my ex is as well (how aggrivating!!!!!). So, and I know this is hard, but try to do what is best for you. Try to do what will help you get over him, get out of this emotional turmoil, and what will leave you the happiest in a few months. Talking to him will only suck you back into the sitaution and most likley intensify your feelings. Also, you don't really want to get back together with a guy like that. He obviously has very little to no respect for you.. and he may have even been using you for physical contact if he went and did that stuff immedietly. You deserve so much better then that. We all do.

So, I would say to keep your distance for now or until you can honestly .. talk to him without any resentment or hurt feelings.. or romantic attatchments. If you try to work on relationships with your friends or other guys it may help as well. That way you will at least have something to distract you and people to be around when you are feeling low.

I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry this horrible thing happened to you. All I have to wonder after being on this forum for as long as I have is why it seems to happen so often?

Take care,

SuzyQ

I second what bobster said.

Although, if thank you and only thank you still feels a little bit too "out there" for you or something, something many girls will do with each other (that you can apply to this), is that after recieving a ocmpliment, you give one to the person giving the compliment.

ex:

Girl: Hey, I have to say, you look really nice today *blushes*

Cmizzle Really? Thanks *smiles* You look pretty good yourself.

Heh. The above example will make you seem a bit less "cocky" and you also get to throw in a compliment towards the girl you like. Hope that helps.

-SuzyQ

First off, welcome to enotalone! *hugs newcomer*

You think you love her? She seems to like you a lot? Go after her!

My question to you is.. is there some reason that you are not ready to date or that you are not ready to date her. If there is, what is it? Other then that, if there is nothing wrong, just keep talking to her and let things take their natural course.

-SuzyQ

Well, firts off, I would say take it slow and keep it short and sweet. This is a little awkward for me heh. Imagining somebody my littlest sister's age kissing. Anyways, I would say your top priority is to make her feel safe, comfortable and relaxed. You could look into her eyes and try to read if she is feeling "ready" at that moment. If you think she is, slowly.. lean in towards her. If she pulls away, back off. If she stays still or leans forward as well you are good. Don't part your lips anymore then a very slight amount.. and keep it short and sweet. Just focus on how her lips feel.. or how she smells. Cute.

-SuzyQ

many, especially Catholic and Orthodox-variant religious backgrounds have very solid morals regarding marriage. Men are still very much the masters of their domain from what I have observed. Many women are raised with the same ideals, and tend to agree

Well, just to offer another point of view on what OceanEyes said above:

I am Catholic and I don't seem to see this happen. In fact, when the man seems to be the "head of the house," the woman is actually the one in charge when you get down to it. But, usually, at least where I am, Catholic people don't seem to be extremists of any sort. They are pretty much normal (with the exception of a few families in a parish). And also, as you can see from my above post, I don't agree with those values and I am Catholic. I believe that the priest of my church would say that the vows were broken and so you can have a hearing for an anulment (sp?). But, perhaps Catholics are bit extreme in parts of the world that I have yet to live in.

But, no ofense taken OceanEyes I understand that there are MANY view points on the Catholic church. Some false, some true, but without those opinions, this wouldn't be much of a free country. Now would it?

Peace,

SuzyQ

I wish somebody made food for me, ... okay.. wait.. somebody did.. but he was stalking me. LOL.

Anyways, if I were a guy, I believe I would find it to be a nice gesture. I know a girl that makes cakes for everybody on their birthdays, and the guys do seem to like it (some guys like the girl that can cook idea). Hope that help you some!

-SuzyQ

mahlina, you are now a new member of my "favorite person's list." I absolutely loved you post lol. I believe that should go for everybody else on this thread as well. ^_^.

Yes, I too, am in this position. What kills me as well is the lack of remorse. I say us woman (and man) get together and bond over chocolate, ice cream, and horror stories over ex's.

Hun, all I can say is this, hang in there. Everybody on this board and every woman (or man) on this planet we call Earth, that has ever been in your position, is backing you up on this. We all support you and wish you the best of luck. You do, like many others have said, deserve so much better. I'm sure you are such a beautiful woman (or girl?) both inside and out, you deserve the best of the best. What you don't deserve is all of this pain over a guy that.. well, when all is said and done, will feel all of that pain he caused everybody else. I'm sure that somewhere down the road of his life he will suddenly be extremely lonley if he continues down this path. He will get what he deserves, you don't have to worry about giving it to him. Worry about yourself That's who everybody else on this thread is caring about while they posted you a reply. So you deserve it!

(wow, my mood is all over the place),

SuzyQ

Oh yes, and by the way ForAnother, Princess Mononoke rocks! ^_^ anata no e ga daisuki desu! (I love your picture)

Well, I would say you just asked a really big important question that I have no answer to give you. In many ways, I am in the same situation as you (not perfectly, but direct similarities). I struggle with those feelings of pain and anger every time I talk to my ex. Except, he didn't wait to date somebody else, the day we broke up he had his.. FRIEND.. on his LAP! And then later continued to tell me how now they are dating and how when he asked her if they were she kissed him. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........

yeah.. I know, I'm stupid, I dated a total loser (for nearly 3 years).

Sorry about that little rant there, I'm a bit stressed out with finals and everything.

So, to get back to your question. I know that you really do want to help her, but I'm afraid that this is a mess that she got herself in. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to try to help yourself. Do what you need to to make YOURSELF happy. Trust me, no matter how much you sacrifice yourself for this person that will never change them. No matter how loving and caring you are, THAT will never change her lying or cheating. The only thing that will is something that takes place inside of her. Something that I am completley positive neither of us can control in our ex's. My ex would tell you straight forward that I was a very good lover, but none the less, he did what he did. SOOO.... if that is part of the reason that you want to help her, drop it. It won't do either of you any good..

I think sometimes we feel as though we have to play the martyr for those that we care about. Another lesson that I have learned (the hard way) is that if you let people use you like that, they will do just that: use you. Then, when they are done, they will go back to there old ways and treat you like some dirty towel they simply used to wipe their hands off with. So, again, sacrificing yourself for this girl won't do either of you much good.

(You know, I fear I sound a bit bitter in this post ^_^'. )

As for if you two should get back together or remain friends, I would say definitely don't get back together. It will be hard, yes, but if you really do love her, getting back together with her now will only decrease your chances of having a good relationship with her in the future. And I would say that you should let her know that you are open to talk but not to chase her down. Slowly over time your friendship can grow and become stronger, but for now, if you jump too deep into a shallow pool, all you will do is hit your head (if you know what I mean).

Good luck pulling through this *hugs ForAnother*

-SuzyQ

Well, I can't really tell you what to do next. One of the reasons being that I don't feel equipped to do so, and I don't really think anybody can.

But, you really do seem to be getting screwed over by everybody just pushing the fact that your husband cheated aside. If people still say it is no longer a man's world, then in many ways they are wrong. People expect for a wife to stand at her husdand's side no matter what. Even if the wife was physically abused, after leaving, the wife often feels as though she abandoned her husband or feels guilty. I think it is pretty universal that we would agree that she should not feel guilty. Well, you shouldn't as well. HE got himself into this mess and HE hurt YOU. It isn't your job to get him out of ithis mess and it also is not your job to make him feel better. He is a grown man and he can take care of himself. But, he should have also taken care of you and looked out for you. He neglected to do this completely, so why after he quite possibly ruins your marriage and breaks your heart . .. should you run to his aid?

I guess what I am trying to say is that you shouldn't have to take that sort of crap from people. Kyle also shouldn't be following you I personally find that a bit creepy. Maybe you could set something up like letting him email you once a week as long as he promises to not call and promises to stay away from you? Maybe not, but that could at least keep him at bay.

I hope things start to get a little bit easier for you soon hun.

Take care,

SuzyQ