Hazyillusions

I really did care about you. Why did you have to say those things to your ex. Why did you have to lie. Why did you have to damage my heart even more. I feel so stressed out and out of control right now.

E, by June of this year, it'd have been 2 years since I last saw you face to face. Hope things are going well for you back home. It's your bday in a week again! Wow, it's really amazing how fast time passes yeah. I can still picture you so vividly. Hope you have a great bday. I still care a great deal, do love and still think about you everyday. It's ok though, life does go on. Hopefully we can skype again soonish? Xx

Ben, I don't know how I should act towards you. You hurt me and you do seem different now bt that's just temporary isn't it? The thing is I do still love you. Seeing you the last few times has made me realise that. But I'm scared to let you back in.

Why did I just msg you. Eff. I still care. Why am I going backwards? I still love you.

Sucks you had to destroy my hope in you. Sucks that I don't respect you at all. Sucks that I don't trust you. I'll never trust you again. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I missed you alittle today. Guess I have been suppressing my feelings alittle...I still care. Of course I do. But I don't want you back and that's why you remain blocked.

It's strange how it took me meeting up with you again, spending half a day n all night with you to realise things have changed. I don't feel the same anymore. I know you care about me, I know you want me back but I don't want you. I just don't trust you and bc you had to do all you did...I can't see you with the same respect or adoration. Now that everything's blocked again, I'm free to head forwards without looking back. Bye B.

So a few more ph calls today and two emails too? Oh if only you sorted out what you needed to before getting with me. If only you didn't treat me in such a way. If only you weren't so two faced. If only doesn't change a thing. Being cheated on emotionally hurt me but I'm not looking back. No. I don't want to see you and be shown all your holiday photos. 2015 is about starting afresh. Without your toxic presence.

Just logged onto skype. Saw you left me two messages. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year right back at you. It's been a year and a half E... I am still not over you you know that? Hope things are going well for you. --- Saw you messaged and called me too. AND the 6 missed calls tonight? Please just leave me alone. We're done.

I like this quote. " You will break your own heart a thousand times over in the course of one life. You’re supposed to. Because if you broke your heart, it means you cared enough — you loved enough — to take a risk. And the only real way to tell if something is worth losing your heart over, is to try. Even if it comes back with a few smaller pieces, you’ll have the memories, and the knowledge that you were brave enough in the first place."

I wish I could let you go. Erik why can't I ing you let you go? I miss you.

Though my feelings still haven't changed for you at all... Guess what, I'm now in love with somebody more new. ...I guess life does go on. Hope you're well E. You're still very special to me but I'll be ok.

There's a part of me that continues to have uncontrollable thoughts about you. It frustrates me because I'm only more aware of the reality of things. Now you weren't T-I guess the partial reason why it took me approx two years to get over HIM was cos of how he damaged me, you were something else though. At times, I really wonder if I still have you up on a pedestal or if it's more just the sense of unfinished business that slightly haunts me...But I can honestly say: you meant a lot to me. You opened my eyes to so much you know that? Damn it, did you move my heart. I loved you, I couldn't help it. Even after all this time my feelings haven't changed. I've been trying and trying and trying...I need to try harder. I still see your face too often. "Love deeply when you have it, remember it with fondness when it's gone." That's what you've been told. It's now time to let you go. There's somebody new I want to wholeheartedly love. I think the next chapter of my life needs to begin.

I think I might have fallen for B Makes things complicated when I'm still in love with you. Yeah, makes no sense whatsoever.

Keeping in touch once a month isn't healthy. Clearly, since you obviously still have feelings for me and I still love you. Wish I didn't get so attached to you

I'm glad we got to talk on Skype this morning. Nearly 4 hours of convo which could have been a lot longer if not for my need to sleep. You're right. We still have such a strong connection. Frankly, I'm surprised you called. Now that we've made our bet...Guess either way we'll be seeing each other next year right? Meeting half way around the world.

I know it's been more than a year, but I can't help but still think about you daily. You meant so much to me and I still can't seem to let that go just yet. I'm alittle scared of falling in love again. Clearly, I can't deal with that sort of intensity...It just paralyses me on such a big level. Hope things are going well for you.

I'm no longer sad over you anymore.

I'm finally starting to properly let you go. Who knew it meant talking to you on Skype for over two hours for that to happen? Haha I feel good. I'm glad you're doing well. It was really nice to talk to you. I have finally gotten some sort of closure? Maybe.

I still miss you =(

I just cried. Wish I'd stop missing you. Wish it'd stop hurting.

I still miss you. I wish little things didn't remind me of you. Everything I pass on a daily basis reminds me of you. I hope you're well these days E. I love you.

I'm really disappointed in you. I guess I trusted the wrong guy =(

Silversoul are you addressing that post to me? Hmm...I don't really post on this thread as much anymore. Personally, all this comes in waves and sometimes I do find it helps a lot posting here. I'm taking awhile to let the guy go, but that's only cos I really fell for him. I don't think anything's wrong with that.

I'm feeling a shift inside me. I'm starting to finally be okay with the fact I'll never see or hear from you again. I'll be alright, I hope I'll be able to let you go soon.