mylolita

And this one’s lately been for the drive!

@yogacat ! 
 

x

It’s half ten, the fire is dying, and I’m waiting for my husband to be home.

I keep waking up every couple of months with this song playing so clearly in my head come 6am…!

“I keep hearing footsteps baby, in the dark, oh in the dark.”

x

Just now, dias said:

I mean it's not pessimism unfortunately, it's always difficult to beat the odds. Like very difficult. I have never experienced this "real and authentic" like the relationship you have with your husband. I don't know how it is. I might never experience it. I guess it does not happen to everyone. All I have experienced is "meh"

 

I don't want to settle but on the other hand I have to be realistic. I can't find something mutual. It's a problem. On the other hand, it's far better to be alone than having a partner who makes me miserable that I tolerate because I had "no other choice". 

Maybe one day, who knows...

Thank you for your kind words 🙂

Don’t you worry Dias! Really - it might all happen when you least expect it!!

I had planned, of course, by 15, that if I didn’t meet someone who knocked my socks off and the lightening struck me twice, that I would aim to retire as a hermit girl in a run down doer upper tiny 16th century cottage, with a steep up hill stout little drive, parked maybe an old vintage car, and to write all day. And who knows, maybe in an alternative universe, that would have been my path. Maybe also my path would have been a drug addicted hooker. Many things. 
 

I was like you Dias - I wanted something real. I even just wanted a real friend. I had no real friends at that time either. I had plenty of “friends”. I saw them every weekend and we even had deep talks, but I knew they weren’t my FRIEND! Not really. And I was right because they ditched me on the most trivial stuff in the end and I ditched them because our principles, vital principles, never matched or gelled. So it was dead end from the start. And I’d known it as well. But I passed it off by telling myself “they’re school mates so I either have them or nothing the whole time” and all this kind of stuff. I see none of them now and we were in each others pockets for about 6 years at least, maybe more. 
 

By the way, as you will already know, the Happy Ever After is short of. Because what I didn’t count on or, many don’t realise is, the right person, the person who truly loves you, also won’t take your sh*t and nonsense. And they call you out and challenge you a lot. Because they want the best for you. It’s a bitter sweet pill to swallow for someone like me who just wants to ideally hear nice things and agreement and compliments and fluff and cosy cosy warm fires! 
 

You also have to know how to handle and manage conflict as well, and get out of it the other side not resentful for bitterly wounded. That’s happened a few times for us too. But generally, as bad as our fights can sometimes get, we always make up and in a true way. It’s passionate both ways. 
 

The sunset has a dip - its constant work, tending to the garden. It’s not for the faint of heart, as you know, a lot of people bail. Part of the main ingredient is really, and deeply loving each other. I think another vital part is being best friends. And another is having mutual respect and admiration for each other. And also, a more nuanced one - acknowledging and accepting the differences and flaws of the other, and actually not trying to change what they cannot change. 
 

And just, God, not being so damn serious about it! I am so guilty of this, over thinking and getting into a serious rut about stuff. It’s something I need to work on. Behind my humour is genuine frustration and problems often. 
 

No one’s perfect, we can’t accept or hope to find the perfect person as you know because, they don’t exist, and if they did, they would nauseate and bore you probably half to death!!! 
 

You’re still young remember Dias. Most men’s prime dating time is between the ages of 30 and 40. (Let me just, get my bullet proof on after that comment… 🤣) 

I often find my inner voice urging me to take stock, look around, and be grateful. I have this awful thought that my husband could die next year, or even in 5. I could. And heaven help me any thoughts about the kids. At the moment, for me, for you - life is very good indeed. So you need the cherry on top? That’s okay. Don’t worry.

Honestly, that corny old tripe advice about being yourself? I think that’s solid gold. Because being yourself is EXTREMELY hard. Almost impossible to do at times. But the secret is, if you can be as much as yourself as you have courage for, when you meet people, they will love or hate you for actually you - not a mask or a pretend polite version you might present to garner approval. We’ve all been there. 
 

I think be yourself is the best advice I ever heard for anything, all the time. The simplest, most overlooked - but actually most noble and hard to achieve.

You’ll attract people who want you for you when you do that. Like the sour puss - good, she revealed that comment because you told something honest about yourself, the saving diligent part. She didn’t like it? That’s good! NEXT! Your time was not wasted! Imagine if you’d done what so many people do and meet her, try gauge what she might like to hear and played a little part to get her on side? 
 

You’re doing the right thing! 
 

You’ll wish you were single again once you’re 10 years into your marriage - LMAOOOO! 
 

🥲🤣 

x

12 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Ah. Neighbors....

That's the worst, especially when you have a baby that needs to sleep! One time I lived next to someone that had an autistic daughter and while my heart went out to them, she would scream so loud each night that I couldn't sleep! But what was I going to do? Say, "could you please quiet down"?

No, so I just dealt with it. It is what it is. Not much else I could do, so I just put on a sound machine louder than her screaming. 🤷‍♂️

Maybe you could tell her parents that your kid also needs to sleep around that time and see what they say? 

My neighbors that parked in front of my driveway, I said to them, "hey, just a heads up, I can't have my driveway blocked. I did say "Can you please not park in front of the driveway"? I basically went full throttle assertive and firm and the dude smiled and said "I'm so sorry, there's no other place to park" and I was about to get their vehicle towed but it's not as frequent anymore and when it is, I am still able to get in and out of the driveway so I've let it go.  

So maybe going to the parents and using the "assertive, firm, not aggressive" approach would work in your case? 🤷

Cheers Yoga! I so appreciate your take! 
 

Truth be told, it so rarely happens. It just seemed tonight to stand out, it starting to suddenly get dark at 8. I think what she’s done is she’s gathered energy to do the front garden and it’s been a funny time but she’s probably got a lot on her plate and so the kid is running wild with the two dogs and a lawn mower. 
 

What I did do is wait by our front door for another 10 minutes, then I stood out in our step and looked over at her, and then after seeing me she shouted at the boy and the dogs and said “You’ll have to go in! You’re too noisy!” And five minutes after that, everything went silent as the grave.

Maybe she could tell I was on the verge of saying something and knew she was in the wrong. I wasn’t, just to put it out there, gonna start a take down 🤣🤣 I’ve done stupid things late before like, put the rubbish out at midnight. I realise a bin lid opening and a few bags being thrown in isn’t wild noise but I did feel a little outlier doing it at that time LOL! 
 

Their house on our well kept street is like, the strange house, if you get me. It’s all a bit of chaos there it seems. And nothing wrong with that but the front is generally a bit of a jungle so part of me was kind of weirdly glad she was cutting the grass but just… all the extra noise on top I think was OTT 🥳🤣🤣

I’m glad you sorted your parking with the neighbour! We have a similar situation here where we have no drive and it’s on road parking. Everyone is very civil and British about it but when the tourists come swarming in during the summer, you just have to take it. It’s one of the cons to the house, but then again, I haven’t got endless money so I can’t have the “perfect house” and then again, I’m not sure there is such a thing anyway! 
 

x

2 minutes ago, dias said:

The Scandinavian woman in Miami was sitting at a bar alone. She was in her late 40s. Naturally I thought Miami/alone = here to have fun. Not at all, she was just visiting some friends. She actually hated the place. Instead of having an upbeat funny conversation she spent an hour talking about how amazing the educational system in Scandinavia is compared to the US and the rest of the world and how awesome Vikings were, ruling the seas and conquering Normandy and England etc etc. On the inside I was asking myself what the heck I am doing so wrong to meet the most sourpuss person in Miami. 

Actually I approached one more woman. It was a very pretty Russian girl about 30 years old I reckon. She was sitting alone at a restaurant on the outside tables studying something. She glanced at me more than 10 times. I talked to the girl at the door about the menu etc etc to check if she would glance again and she did. I went to her table and I told her with a smile "I noticed you are sitting alone, can I buy you a drink". She said no politely. I should have played it much better. She was studying something scientific, I could have easily initiated a chat about the book but I didn't think of it right there. Rookie mistake...At least I tried, she was far too pretty to let the opportunity slide hahaha

 

Sourpuss 🤣 I think I actually might be one of them without the side dish of being a hot leggy Russian LOL!!!! 
 

Dias - you try much more than most in everything generally. I actually really admire you. Where as others are all talk, you are hardly any talk and all action! It’s admirable. Honestly it really is. 
 

I don’t want to get cynical. I have a tendency. But Y’know, so many people I meet, so many, they irritate me, we don’t get on - I hear this constant narration running alongside our interactions in my head and it’s pretty negative and scathing. I’m not proud of it, I wish I was more wholesome, but even finding true friends - it’s very hard. 
 

My take on it is - people settle a hell of a lot for so many reasons. People do it with partners and also friends. They say “this is my best friend” but it’s really like a back stabbing relationship that’s superficial and really very shallow. Same with partners or spouses. Often I think - Jesus?! Is this what they call love?! 
 

A lot of people pass the time with relationships as well. Because they don’t want to be alone - or they think “this might work out” and they are happy to plough 7 years into something they know secretly isn’t going anywhere. I don’t understand it, but it happens all the time.

If you want something real, and authentic - by God do I sometimes think you’re probably in the, gasp, minority! But, that is very pessimistic of me, isn’t it? And it’s Friday night, so shut up me 🤣 YA SOUR PUSS 🥴🤣🥂

x

1 minute ago, dias said:

The deep south is like a different country. It has a really bad reputation, it's not for everyone. I liked it way more, I believe you would like it too 🙂

LOLLL

I don't want to be single anymore that's the problem. I don't want a bad company either. I feel stuck right now. 

I absolutely love an underdog so it suits me down the ground! 
 

I worked in a very poncey affluent cocktail bar and managed to walk out with the most working class guy who probably ever stepped foot in there! I LIKE IT DIAS 🥲😆

And of course, I totally get that. I would be in your exact position, trust me Dias, I would have waited decades, I truly believe that. I suppose it’ll happen when it happens - in the meantime, you have to hang tight and roll with the punches I guess! EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I know 🎻

Oh and by the way! Your face to my impression Dias gives me - studious, detail orientated, disciplined, intelligent. Kind heart. I know I am biased because I have read so much of what you have put, but that’s a brief lurch reaction, trying to ignore the info I already know! 
 

I used to pen pal a girl who lived in Texas - I used to love hearing about it! Truth be told, I never seem to warm to the “popular” and “cool” places anyway. I know I’m supposed to think London is just the best but you couldn’t pay me to live there! 
 

x

4 minutes ago, dias said:

We have to be careful to label the normal chit-chat anymore hahahaha

I agree. Sure not everything but I would say a good 50-60%. Hope I don't look like an as*hole haha. Sometimes I think I can come across as sad which is not true, it's my melancholic nature. 

It is as legit as it can get. The sourpuss people. 

 

I wouldn't say it's just a bit, it's more like a lot hahahahahaha

Regarding this gal, she was rude in general. Who says on a date "I told you one month ago, I won't repeat myself" when asked why she feels stressed. Despite coming from an affluent family she had no manners. Either she was simply an as*hole by nature or she was never rebuked for being rude and abrasive by her parents. I suspect some parents encourage this behavior so their kids can come across as "strong" and "bold" which is neither. It is lack of manners and basic decency. Especially on a date when someone pays for your drinks and gives you compliments, it is common sense to behave like a decent person, at least pretend only for the date. Btw, she made more money than me and she still implied that I had to pay for everything in the future too. 

 

The technical term for her type I think you will find is a “d*ck bag” 💼 

12 minutes ago, yogacat said:

😆

You're cracking me up! I love your sense of humor, and I completely understand about not wanting confrontations. I'm pretty good at avoiding them too, but sometimes you have to put your foot down. And I'm sure it's not just hormones, we all have those days. But at least you have some nice neighbors to balance out the strange ones.

And yes, I wouldn't want Ukrainian bunting hung all over my town either, especially if it doesn't represent my views.

Keep that snipping scissors handy just in case 😂
 

LMAO! 
 

Oh Lord the thought struck me as I drove past on the school run this morning!!!

My pee was already BOILING and it wasn’t even 9am yet… 🤣🤣🤣

Just put it this way - when I got for my check up and they tell me I have low blood pressure, you could knock me over with a feather 🪶 😆

Oh and another thing! As we speak, 8pm, next door but one has decided just as we put our baby to bed, this is the time to start HEDGE STRIMMING while her two yappy dogs go wild and her teenage autistic son is rocking back and forth shouting his mouth off over the howls of the dogs all to the sound of this electric chain saw whatever LMAO 🤣🤣

I came marching down the two flights of stairs to my eldest two and I was saying under my breath “why strim now? Why?” And I go straight to message the neighbour beside them who also has a baby of one and a half to complain and laugh about it on WhatsApp LOLOLZ! 
 

x

Regrettably: 

13 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Not saying it's the case in this situation, but a woman (or man for that matter) could have a valid reason for running even off of something seemingly small like a good night kiss. If something traumatic happened to them, the smallest thing could set them off. They'd have issues, but it would be an understandable issue that would make the person more sympathetic.  

Yes, logically the better decision would be to tell someone to take it slow. But humans can be very illogical. I dealt with a woman who would keep running from me whenever we got close. Soon after finally kissing, she tells me it won't work and it's over. Having known her really well, I knew it was her fears and insecurities that caused her reaction. Without knowing the girl in question here, kind of impossible to tell if her actions were justified for her.

Just my two cents. We're all entitled to our own opinion.

Hey Shy!

I actually feel like I get where you’re coming from here!

There are billions of women on this planet - for this date, it could have been anything. It could be something quite nuanced. It could be real simple like, she regretted the kiss and didn’t feel a spark anyway and wanted out. 
 

Depending on how you look at it, I suppose Mike (OP?) can take this however personally he wants. Or realise it’s out of his control. I understand some personalities are more inclined to analyse, search for answers and meaning, crave “closure” to frustrating experiences, or just want solid reasons. 
 

I really agree - in the nature of human experience and emotions and communication - by God! It could be anything! 
 

People interpreted things differently as well. I think someone said was it Batya? About feeling awkward and like you needed to invite a date up? To me, inviting a man inside is basically subtly agreeing to sex within reason. I know that wouldn’t be everyone’s take, but I wouldn’t go back to a man’s house or have a man round mine after a date or two if I didn’t think the undercurrent was basically, let’s get it on 🥲

I think most men if invited in might presume something was on the cards. Maybe I’m wrong? I know some women will kiss on dates when they’re only half in it. I can see why another two dates down the line that might leave the man feeling “lead on”. 
 

By the way, I’m not giving the green light that women owe men kisses and sex in dates just because of cultural suggestions, but I’m saying, it is there, whether we agree with it or not.

Personally, if I’d been the woman on the date who had kissed the guy then changed her mind, I would have rang or text to apologise, said I got caught up in the moment, thanked him for the date but said I don’t think we click on a deeper level. I would have apologised, actually, and said I hope I didn’t lead you on. 
 

Threads like this make you realise the difference in opinion is huge and it’s like, each to their own on an individual basis for the most part! 
 

x

Hey Mike! 
 

Just wizzed over your thread! Not sure if you’re still around! 
 

People rarely say what they mean and do what they mean. It’s a weird human conundrum that’ll make your head spin.

I wouldn’t take it too personally and try and look into the whys, even though I understand your frustration with the mixed signals. Mixed signals seem to be very common, even in friendships and family relationships, let alone something as fragile and emotionally fraught as first dates! 
 

There is a Bjork song called ‘Human Nature’ that came to mind regarding this!!

——

If you ever get close to a human 
And human behaviour 
Be ready, be ready to get confused 
And me and my hereafter

There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic 
To human behaviour 
But yet so, yet so irresistible 
And me and my fear cannot

And there is no map, uncertain

They're terribly, terribly, terribly moody 
Of human behaviour 
Then all of a sudden turn happy 
And they and my here after

But, oh, to get involved in the exchange 
Of human emotions 
Is ever so, ever so satisfying 
And they and my hero

And there is no map uncertain

Human behaviour, human behaviour 
Human behaviour, human behaviour

And there is no map 
And a compass wouldn't help at all 
Uncertain!

———

x

*Shouting across the road* 

“LESLEY! TELL THEM TO DO ONE!”

Kindly.

🤓

“I have ironing to be getting on with” 

🤣🤣🤣

To you and your absolute weirdo kids who try to storm my castle and crash my childdlers innocence with your disturbing sex talk and your idiot selfies:

23 minutes ago, yogacat said:

When I first settled into my place, some neighbor kept parking their cars blocking part of my driveway, making me feel as fine as a porcupine at a balloon party. It ticked me off! Another neighbor decided to leave a random tree branch on my lawn. But now, things are friendly between us. We exchange friendly waves and hellos and sometimes have a chat.

One of them gifted me a bunch of deliciously fresh carrots!

So sorry you're neighbors with such eccentric and annoying people. Just stay strong and remember, the crazier they are, the more entertaining it is for you. 😂

This is funny Yoga! 
 

So true. After all, I don’t wanna fall out with anyone. I actually can’t stand confrontation. I think they see my soft nature and take advantage because they know they get about 28 strikes but then once you’re out, you’re OUT! LACES UP 🤣

Glad you got along! 
 

We have waves and chit chat and giving logs and vegetables and book swapping here but some of them are very strange and not my exact cup of tea, and I find their kids a bad influence. Could be worse stuff of course, just irritating stuff. Like the Ukrainian bunting suddenly hung all over the town. I feel like snipping it down in the night and saying “Who speaks for all the town? THIS SURE AS HELL AIN’T MY IDEOLOGY! Keep it in the sewing room!”

🥲🤣 Apologies Yoga. I am probably hormonal 🤪😜

x

What else boils my pee is we have two neighbours who are a couple of years older and when they came round I noticed silence and none of the kids around for about 15 mins. I nipped upstairs and cheeky and comfortable as anything, those two were laid out on my eldest two’s single beds, phones out, my kids round their backs fixated to never before seen devices and having their selfies taken with filters. I was like, NO. 
 

When they also start opening your fridge to help yourself then COMPLAIN there is “nothing they like to eat!!!” you have beautiful visions of drop kicking them off your step back to their troll parents 🤣🤣

I’m in one this afternoon hahahahaha 

Cheers ladies! 
 

I think I’m quite open and love to entertain - but the caveat is, I love to have an open door policy and entertain till the morning people I really like! 🤪 It’s the ones that irritate the living day lights outta me that seem to think they have a free ticket to drop by any old time! 
 

I don’t see any of the kids trying to barge down any of the other houses on this small, sleepy street. I should take it as a compliment really but I have enough on my plate looking after my own three who are still young while the hubs works away, let alone taking on their annoying rude springlets 🤣 I’ll start charging next for baby sitting fees and just slip an invoice through their letter box 🤣 I’m £75 an hour. The quickie you had with your husband and two CSI episodes you got through in the 4 hours they were round better have been worth it!!!!! 
 

INSUFFERABLE. CLAMMY. Leave me with a pig sty. BE GONE 🤣🤣🤣

x

Sorry, 

I don’t have a therapist so I’m on a rant off 🥴

Why do the especially weird creepy kids have zero social skills and come and haunt, hang around your property?!?! 
 

I was sat alone one night with the fire on. It was 8pm, when most 5 and 6 year olds should be in bed, and I hear the familiar voice of this crazy strange girl who lives across the street who is in my sons year. She’s climbed over our stone wall and she’s banging on my window trying to get my attention, her skinny arms sprawling everywhere and hammering the glass. Her idiot pathetic father is timidly cooing from afar, “M! Oh… M, come on now, let’s go now.” And just repeating that for 15 minutes.

If I could have a flippin’ shot gun I would have cocked that b*stard and burst out my large wooden front door in my silk set to holla “GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!”

Instead, I said under my breath, “God DAMN I hate that creepy pair” and drew the curtains with her still yelling my kids names out and smashing at the glass. 
 

LMAOOOOOOO 

x

Rude and zero etiquette! 
 

Neighbours two daughters (12 and 10) across the street constantly run over whenever we’re back from the school pick up and happen to be in the front garden. They grab my baby and pick her up. She’s starting to not be a fan of this after being picked up and squeezed by half the girls in my sons year when we go to collect him. So I say nicely, “Girls! I think she wants to be left to run today, be gentle.” And they carry on until I have to go over and take her off them. 
 

I can’t remember being so immature at their age? And wanting to hang around with a 6, 4 and 2 year old. I have to barricade them out of my house, their rather large and very lazy mother across the road hangs on her doorstep while she sees them freely let themselves into our gate and front (note to self get lock) or climb and rock their weight on our wrought iron fencing above the front wall we had fitted only a year ago. Her daughters pick up my youngest and middle and encourage them to do the same. I’ve told them both countless times to please step down from there because it won’t take everyone’s weight. So cheeky and bold. And now my girls do it and I have to go over something they never did before because even they knew better! 
 

And they let themselves in the house!

I just today had to semi-argue with the 10 year old when I told her again, (take a pleasant hint?) that I had their grandma coming over so had to get on with some cooking and maybe come back next week? She paused, stared at me then started heading anyway for the living room! I called her name and said, “Come back here - I’ll arrange something with your Mum but not now.” And she stared me again dead in the eye and I practically had to walk her out of the house. So bold and cheeky. 
 

I get this so much. Parents just allowing their kids to storm the house. One even admitted “They’d live at your gaff! I love it! Don’t have to cook tea and I put my feet up!” This is someone who only has one kid and they think it’s okay to have me running around with now 4 of them and cooking for them because they stay way past tea time. 
 

I’m a fraction of a hair widths close to telling them so there is no mistake soon. It’s awkward because all the people who allow their kids to have zero manners and just waltzes in are neighbours or very close. Drives me nuts. 
 

One even tried to pick my middle girl up right next to the main road and spin her round and I actually told her to never do that again and what was she thinking? And I took my middle daughter and told the other girls to walk ahead and leave us to walk behind. God, they’re so bloody annoying!!!

I know I sound really mean, I feel kinda mean spirited, but it’s driving me nuts the way people are taking advantage of my casual parenting and hospitality. I’m gonna end up getting a lock on our gate. Or putting a Russian and Trump flag on my lawn. That should do the job forever.

LOL

PEE OFF NEIGHBOURS AND YOUR RUDE KIDS! THIS IS A NO SHOES HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE! 🤗

x

When I was about 14, I went through a phase of sketching a lot during lunch break. I used to take myself away out of the dinner hall and retreat into the arts block. Sometimes there was no one there, and then often, a small group of bohemian type students. Most were older than me and we got talking. But much like the “Library Kids”, the “Art Kids” kept to themselves and you had an hour of peace in a hum drum, useless, bore of a successful school. 
 

I even remember the smell of the art block. Central heating dry, crisp paper. The sharp aroma of ink in pots, always with drips and spills all around the petite glass jars. The silky taint of oil paints left in palettes, forever stained. 
 

I had and always will have, an obsession with eyes. I drove to my parents and found a few ink sketches I’d done, all mostly of eyes and faces. 
 

I don’t class myself as good at art, far from it by the way, but it was always an easy class for me and I took it half because it drew some curious, languid passion in my and half because I was always too thick and too low in IQ to ever get anything to do with God damn maths! 
 

Windows to the soul. Totally.

x

On 4/10/2024 at 5:12 PM, yogacat said:

The green man gives me the heebie jeebies. 😁 But I LOVE it's history, very neat!

My hanging ornament doesn't have much of a history. I dig the cosmos (science nerd here....). I picked it up at a local craft fair. I like how the sun and moon are connected, balance between light and dark, day and night...

Huzzah!

PS. Question, how did you get your little green man attached to the brick?

Yoga!

Love your ornament! 
 

Are you interested in physics? We have the “even shorter” history of time and space here in the bookcase by our very own Stephen Hawkins - my husbands read it, but not me! 
 

And I’m totally useless and so is the husband! I call on my Dad for most minor DIY jobs! He put a nail into the wall and there is a metal loop hook on the back of the little stone head. It’s only a small hanging, you can probably tell in relation to the gate. 
 

I have a kind of, nostalgia for Celtic mythology and even Greek mythology and folklore from my Mum, who was big into fairy iconography. I have some happy magical childhood memories because, my Mum would create little “fairy houses” out of real bark with moss covered roofs and rustic hand made dolls furniture, and would leave us little “messages” and “poems” from the garden fairies. We thought it was completely true of course. When I was about 7 I realised it was my Mums scroll on a dainty piece of tissue paper written in teal glitter pen - HA! 
 

I spent a lot of my childhood going for long walks in the woods, and visiting historic castles and Abby’s which, there are so many of obviously here in England. For example, the type of parents I had - for New Years, one year, we went to Midlam Castle where they held a medieval night with a lute player who sung historic sonnets until about 2am. They had both great fires on in a real medieval hall in a castle, and served mulled wine. This was beyond amazing to me who was about 12 at the time, my sister will have been 10. 
 

I still take my own kids out nearly every week to certain historic haunts I always spent weekends at in my childhood. When I met my husband, and he talked of going to trampoline parks and laser quest and arcades - we never did any of that. My parents were members of English Heritage and The National Trust and we used to tour Renaissance mansions and grounds on a Sunday - LOL! Or go to forests. I think our children now have a mix of both worlds! 
 

Love your yard! Can’t wait to see more maybe! I still can’t get over your beautiful tree!!!! Ever climbed it?! Looked like you could have a full blown tree house in there Yoga! 
 

x

6 hours ago, dias said:

We had very different communication style. I don't like rude people. On the second date, I mentioned to her that I managed to save 6K when I was 24 at my first job which paid minimum wage because I didn't spend much and she half joked "You are stingy, aren't you?".  She "joked" apparently but you know how this is. When I paid for the dates I think it's rude to say something like this. Then talking to me like I am her employee just pissed me off. She was extremely clever (way more clever than me which is not something I say easily) and she had a very good job at the bank which might explain the bossy attitude. Or maybe her rich daddy spoiled her a lot. Regardless, if she talked like that on the first dates, imagine how she would behave in a year. 

I have a date with an American girl from California tonight. I don't expect much, she seems very cold on the texts with one word replies and a little b*tchy. She apparently would consider a date only if it's a very thoughtful one.... I told her to go to a rooftop bar at the city center, she has gone there. I tried three times. I don't get where this attitude is coming from when you are not a Victoria's secret model. There is nothing to support it. Go figure. Although from experience the attitude does not go with beauty necessarily. I have met extremely beautiful women with no attitude. 

The ones I want don't want me and the worst part is I tend to attract the b*tchy ones. Even when I was in Miami, I started a conversation with a Scandinavian woman at a bar and I knew from the first second she opened her mouth she would be the b*tchy type. And she was.

Why I can't attract the ones I like? God, what did I do to you mate and you cursed me like this???

Afternoon Dias! 
 

You do very well approaching women - so many men have great caution around it so simply, kudos, and; it sure must be a numbers game! 
 

I was having the exact same convo with my Dad yesterday. We talk non-politically correct stuff whenever we can to release steam! Anyway, we were saying how often you can judge a book by its cover, and people’s faces tend to give away a lot about their personalities. I think me and my Dad are often correct in our first impression assumptions. 
 

The b*tchy look! I think it’s a legit thing. And it’s not always the super glamorous hottie everyone envisions. Can’t put my finger on it! 
 

You know the score Dias! I really think you’ll find someone you truly click with, just takes a bit of searching really, that’s all. And, that comment in my opinion was rude. I think it says more about resourcefulness and stability and planning. In my opinion, some women want stability and savings, but on the flip side they want a lavish, heavy spending lifestyle. Not all women, but, Y’know. And some are on the look out for any sign of a guy not willing to indulge or advertise that? Maybe I’m wrong; been out of this for so long I kind of never was in it 🥲🤣 

And also Dias, places like California - I have absolutely no personal pull or interest for that at all. I think my gut reaction and feeling towards the Deep South is probably correct. I think I might fit in there, as well 🤪 

“Popular” places irritate me a little. It’s like our town - it’s a tourist town really, and the height of summer when the beach is swarming is my least favourite part. A chocca block beach is my idea of the seventh circle of hell! I can’t stand it! Give me the coast in Autumn, Spring… just; get the people and their 3 dogs to every person away! (I’m a total grouch in my 30s! What a wind bag!) 💼! 
 

Anyway, keep on, and enjoy your single adventures! 🌞 
 

x

35 minutes ago, dias said:

When you look it from a distance like in the first photo it does look a bit creepy but when you look at him closely he actually looks happy full of wisdom.

Cheers Dias! 
 

Like little old Grandfather Time 🌳!

Hope you’re well!
 

x 

2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I hear. I’d also drop the score card. I’ve held countless secrets for my sister, but the reason I can’t count them is because I’ve let them go.

Pulling up events from many years ago is no way to cultivate a reasonable relationship today. Those are grudges, and holding onto them isn’t protective or productive. It’s hyper vigilant judgement that harms your relationship and your stomach lining.

If sister were a neighbor, a family friend or a cousin twice removed, you’d treat her with a higher degree of respect and less measurement against your standards. So pretend she’s that—a respected friend. This will help you to get clear about your limits, and you may find yourself enjoying a more balanced and mutually beneficial relationship with sis.

I appreciate and fully agree with your comments Cat! 
 

The only part we differ is - if she wasn’t my sister, sadly, I truthfully wouldn’t have anything to do with her. I’d keep her as far away as possible! 
 

I’m bound to her by growing up with her, sharing a bedroom with her until I was 18 - and just being there for her. 
 

And she’s done plenty recent and fresh, but it doesn’t really matter. I suppose if this was someone about town who I bumped into people would tell me “she’s toxic stay away” but, because she’s family, it’s very hard. 
 

I have done both before. The three years I didn’t see or speak to her (and, she never reached out to me by the way) were actually some of the most blissful. I felt such a sense of relief I can’t tell you. But then, my parents were so upset by that. They like to save face and want “happy families”. They are notorious for brushing everything under the carpet - nothing gets said and it all festers and then everyone has a massive blow out every couple of years. I find it personally, so unhealthy. And it’s hard for me to pretend I support or agree with most things she does. 
 

She’s had her fair share of bashing me. She calls my kids “sprogs” which I find disrespectful. She asked me once if I was “pumping out another one” and is generally scathing about marriage and having children, although this is something she did confess to wanting not that long ago. 
 

I listen, but it’s hard. At the end of the day, she heavily dabbles in drugs on and off to my knowledge, is very untruthful and deceitful, plays my Dad for money and keeps washing up every few months with new emotional drama, putting my parents through the ringer. 
 

I think taking everyone’s comments into consideration, I do agree, it’s not right for me to judge. But I have told her when I think she is acting an absolute wreck less fool, at the end of the day, I don’t want to find her dead in a dumpster. She plays with fire with disregard for everyone else, but my parents don’t say boo to her for fear of upsetting her. The egg shell thing, it does drive me nuts. 
 

After the vacation which, we paid fully for her to go on as a bit of a peace offering; I’ll see how that goes and if we just can’t be respectful and are putting more negativity in each others lives than good; I think I may be instigating another hiatus for quite some time.

She’s 32 at the end of the day. It’s not my job and it’s not my dog to worry or watch her back for her, or try to be the only one who will tell her she’s being selfish and acting out.

x

I suppose, I’m not trying to get anyone on side, as most people have some great qualities and at their core are decent people. My sister isn’t a “bad” person. But what she does has affected our family and countless times I am asked to keep secrets which, sometimes I have been more than glad to do to protect my parents, but other times I have resented! 
 

Just a few examples:

In her mid 20s she was moving around from house to house with the fiancé she has recently broke up with. At the time for a few years she developed a drug problem that thankfully didn’t escalate. It was mostly cocaine and pills. I found out about the pills through someone who had I gone to school with. He came to me and said, “Your sister is asking for pills every week - do you know about this? Should I sell them to her?” By the way I was not friends with this guy but I said definitely not! And I confronted her about that. I kept the cocaine a secret from my Mum and Dad until she managed to quit in her late 20s. I told her I wasn’t okay with it and I kept it from our parents because I knew they would pitch a fit. Thankfully, as far as I know, she only “parties” now and then and it’s something she tells me she has “under control”. 
 

But we’ve been there and she knows how I feel so I stay out of that and haven’t mentioned that side of her life for over 7 years. I know her ex knew about this and probably enjoyed that lifestyle too. For that as well, I saw them both as a very bad influence on each other. Just another thing to dislike. 
 

She also hangs around with dubious people. One of my cousins left and never made contact for years. He ended up shooting heroin in crack dens. His mum, my middle Aunt, thought he was dead for at least 2 years. My sister, unknown to us all, knew fine well he was alive because she hung out with him and his friends still! But left her Aunt hanging if he was dead or alive. I thought it was beyond cruel, even if they had had a very dubious and troubled relationship. 
 

She has gotten herself into quite major debt before. My parents let slip about bailing her out once - thousands. My Dad was like, “Poor F!” She has recently took out a loan of £140,000 for her new business. I wish her all the best but I see my parents over the decades dishing out our inheritance to bail her out of financial trouble. I’ve never asked for one penny since I was 14 and left home at 18. She claims to be independent and self sufficient but all I see is my Dad handing her money. I don’t care about the actual money, or about her getting more, but it’s the general enabling she gets from my parents, and the deflecting.

She puts me on the spot often as well. For example, 10 years ago she told me she was having an abortion and that she needed a place away from my parents to recover. She was still living at my parents at this time, she was about 22. I of course couldn’t say no but I was worried about her. I put her up while she went through the aftermath and medical motions, then she said, “Never tell Mum and Dad.” And left. I never have. 
 

But everything seems to be chaos and tears and mess. I genuinely worry about her health and her well being. She’s the type of girl who sleeps around a lot and goes back to strangers houses. Part of me is actually slightly relieved in a way if she is set on one person who may be okay at the moment. At least it stops her taking risks.

The thing with all this is, I have for years had periods of not talking to her. After about 3 years, it was me who decided to call her and reach out. I was worried, basically, and again, part of me knew how much our not speaking and getting along was affecting my parents. I also thought how nice it would be if we could just be civil and have zero drama for once, no more secrets. 
 

The list is pretty endless. I’ve given her a shake at times and said what the hell are you doing. I’m not proud of it, but part of it came from a scared place and a place of love. 
 

I’m definitely not a perfect person. I’ve made my mistakes too. But she treads down a path of destruction that causes my parents to worry, as parents do, as I would if it were my kids, and also at the same time has everyone bury their head in the sand and keep all these secrets so she can appear to be the successful and great person. 
 

I’m happy we have drawn a line yesterday. Part of me wishes she never was coming along to the holiday, and sometimes part of me wonders if really she should even be in my kids life (although; it is so rare. She sees them very briefly about twice a year and never comes to Birthdays or other family events). I don’t want to cut her off again, because as you have all wisely said, it’s better I’m there maybe incase she does fall on a time of need - but at the same time, I think the idea that we could be friends and truly get along is a pipe dream me and her both seemed to keep foolishly entertaining.

Maybe too much water under the bridge.

Anyway, thanks for listening everyone. It’s hard to see someone you love, and my only sister, self destruct at times. I think my parents have come to terms with his be adopting sheer denial, which is the opposite of my approach which is to confront her when she’s at the worst and try and inject some sense into her. 
 

I will be there for her, I let her know that, and I said of course her life is her life. I think this is the best I can do, and my lips are remaining sealed! 
 

x