mylolita

Adding a bit more Robert Greene in here for good measure:

🥲 x

If this isn’t staged, my cockles are warmed 🤣🥰

x

—-

Bow to the target 
Blame Cupid, Cupid 
You think you're smart 
Stupid, stupid
 

The sweetest melody 
Is an unheard refrain 
So lower your sights 
Yeah, but raise your aim, raise your aim
 

——

- ‘Poison Arrow’, ABC

x

On 3/19/2024 at 7:44 PM, dias said:

It's not that much actually. I mean it's a lot but not outside of the sphere of reality. If you have already settled everything else (loans, debts etc) 500K is enough to live modestly for the rest of your life in a small town. 

Dias, 500K won’t sustain me for one minute LMAO

I had a glimmer of what if I could buy this building in town - shop on the ground floor and convert and rent out maybe two flats above it. It has this cobbled court yard that’s all run down. I kind of fell in love. 
 

I keep convincing myself I’m going to one day buy all this stuff as well. Quite pathetic and obsessive. Part of me is very materialistic, it’s one of my down falls.

x

—-

Some expression in your eyes 
Overtook me by surprise

Where was I 
How was I to know? 
How we can drive to a movie show 
When the music is here in my car? 
There's a band playing on the radio 
With a rhythm of rhyming guitars

They're playing 
Oh yeah 
On the radio.

And so it came to be our song

And so on through all summer long

Day and night drifting on into love. 
Driving you home from a movie show 
So in tune to the sounds in my car. 
There's a band playing on the radio

It's some time since we said goodbye 
And now we lead our seperate lives. 
But where am I 
Where can I go? 
Driving alone to a movie show 
So I turn to the sounds in my car. 
There's a band playing on the radio 
And it's drowing the sound of my tears. 
They're playing 
Oh yeah 
On the radio.

——

x

Evening Kim! 
 

I’m British and I’d like to think we’re all pretty barmy and friendly for the most part here! But, we’re I think, safe to say, not European. Well, especially not now, technically 🤣 but we’ve always been our own tiny strange island doing our own thing! 
 

I get the cultural difference causing boundaries and difficulties because as a Brit, sometimes I find I’m lost in translation on ENA because this site is pretty much majority American and British culture is quite different. 
 

Be great to have an update! 
 

Being shy is really cute by the way! Nothing wrong with being shy, the only problem being shy is if it stops you doing what you want to do.
 

As fellow Brit Morrissey put it:

—-

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

Coyness is nice, and
Coyness can stop you
From saying all the things in
Life you'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

Spending warm summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg

Ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
The bomb, the bomb
The bomb that will bring us together

Nature is a language, can't you read?
Nature is a language can't you read?

So ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
The bomb, the bomb
The bomb that will bring us together

If it's not love
Then it's the bomb
Then it's the bomb
That will bring us together

So ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me
Oh, la-la-la-la-la-la,-la-la!

——

x

On 3/26/2024 at 1:38 AM, Seraphim said:

My dear,
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.

~~Albert Camus

Ah!!!! ALBERT CAMUS! 
 

What a poet and a genius and a philosopher! 
 

x

4 hours ago, dias said:

Most of the US cities and towns were named based on the original towns back in Europe. I always found this fascinating. There is a city called Athens next to Atlanta. I will visit it next time I am here. I would like to see how it is. Yesterday we were on areas called Norfolk and Cheshire.And I was thinking "damn I have lived in the original places how cool is that". Apparently none look as the original ones 😄 

Most of my Mums side of the family are from Norfolk! My Grandma still had a pretty strong Diss accent even at 96 years old, and she left when she was 17! 
 

Because of that, I find the accent really comforting! 
 

Also so many towns in the UK are twinned with European ones! New York is actually just; literally, the new version of York here in the UK, the original British capital, founded by the Vikings 🤣 as far as I know, watch me be corrected and get my uppance! 
 

x

I mean, sorry to get into this again but I must note - quite alarmingly often, we have young men come on here every couple of weeks claiming to be so fed up, so lonely, and even suicidal sometimes, due to not being able to successfully date. They feel at odds with it all, to say the least.

I am ashamed to say personally; I see responses to these men along the lines of “manosphere”, “incel” and also just brush them off as “trolling”. 
 

These are supposed young men with real and hurting grievances and they come here in my experience actually respectfully asking for insight, to get mocked; instantly brushed aside.

Just gets labelled toxic straight away. 
 

I think it strikes a chord with me on a personally level because my thoughts regarding traditionalism have been brushed aside and labelled toxic too. Simply dismissed because it’s all seen as unsavoury and not politically correct. 
 

Just putting these observations out there. I think we are often quick to judge if something seems “extreme”. 
 

If it’s pitched as “let’s just all get along let’s love each other let’s make peace let’s look to understand” and many other platitudes, the applause comes thick and fast, but it is very easy to say all that, and give no actual or practical rules and advice on how to go about achieving it.

To me, it’s like standing up and saying, “I want peace on earth” and everyone patting each other on the back. Of course we do, ideally - but this is the real world. 
 

I think it’s quite a fair comment to say that quite a big chunk of young men these days feel, for whatever reason, disenfranchised and left behind or, unseen, and part of that reason is people brushing it under the carpet and saying it’s bad don’t say that goodbye and block!

x

Just now, yogacat said:

I completely agree with your points about knee-jerk reactions and snap judgments. On the caveat that gaslighting and narcissism are very real and not made up online terms. I do think that examining our own knee-jerk reactions and taking a step back to see things in a more nuanced light can lead to more productive and respectful communication. 

Darn toot in’!

x

Dating well is taking educated risks; in a way. 
 

You can never be 100% sure on anyone. No one is ever 100% good, either. 
 

You have to be able to judge what is best for you and what is, sorry to parrot this, I am kind of saying this ironically but, what is “your truth”. You can only please yourself. You have to live your life for yourself, not to appease other people or subscribe to what should be done or you think is right or is now or is the “done” thing to do.

I think those sites, they are there for a reason. The grievances have an undercurrent of truth. They aren’t all totally wrong. People get bitten a few times and it can turn some people very cynical and jaded very quickly. Not saying this is correct but, it’s just a fact. 
 

There have always been differences and grievances between the sexes. We are, after all, generally very different. That’s what makes the other side need the opposite team, in my opinion.

Men can to some extent live without women, but would they really want too? And vice versa? 
 

We need each other to mutually exist. There will always be these fringe extremists for everything and anything. I don’t even think it should be damned. I think we can learn a lot from very different points of view, they are important. 

You have to choose well in a partner, realise your time on this planet is limited, realise you aren’t perfect and neither will be your partner. If you want something, form your own personal strategy to go put it into action and cross your fingers, your toes, your dating profile or whatever,  and hope it works! 
 

x

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes and in particular women who regret having casual sex painting all men as "players" or having used them.

AMEN! 
 

x

38 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm the same. I think a good majority of us agree with your pov. The people I know who trash the other gender are projecting from their own bad experiences and making generalisations. It's easier for them to trash all men than admit that their picker is off, they like bad/frat boys, their standards are low or even they are just toxic people by themselves.

Amen amen amen amen!!!

x

This is moving towards dating I apologise but thought it might be interesting to anyone looking to fall in love and stay in love - or dating with the aim of a serious relationship.

I haven’t watched it yet; but it spiked my interested! 
 

Anyway, this is what’s in the headphones this morning!

x

22 hours ago, From_Now_On said:

I did not! I wasn't quite sure where something like this (or my other posts) belonged. Emotions tab felt like a good catch all? Lol. I'll try to locate the section you're referring to. 

Morning! 
 

No, here is totally fine! I thought I would mention the journal part of the site as I was thinking that might be up your street! 
 

If you go to the top right of the site, the three line bars, click and go into ‘Clubs’ and you will see lots of different clubs. Scroll down and you’ll find ‘Journals’ and you can join then create your own journal from there, if you want too. There is also a creative art and poetry section I think there too! 
 

But post this where you want or however you see fit! It’s great writing! 
 

x

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What if he drops her?? Or just stands there and lets her fall?

😉

It’s the test of true love - haven’t you seen the Disney film Hercules?! 🤣

x

Hey rainbows! 
 

When you asked above regarding the signs of a potentially dangerous man? 
 

It’s very hard to pin point because intuition or I suppose, good intuition, or being a “good judge of character” is actually such a complex and subconscious thing. They say we make our first judgement and impression on someone extremely quickly - I copied this paragraph from an article:

——-

“A series of experiments by Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov reveal that all it takes is a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger from their face, and that longer exposures don’t significantly alter those impressions (although they might boost your confidence in your judgments). Their research is presented in their article “First Impressions,” in the July issue of Psychological Science.”

——-

It’s almost primal how we judge. Also, when you meet someone in real life, you are taking in their tone of voice, body language; yes appearance but also consciously and subconsciously the way they smell. 
 

I’d say varied social experience makes judgements more accurate but also simply being healthy minded and having a good trust in your intuition, and that your gut feelings are right. 
 

I read a story once about a woman who went on a date. She was so unnerved by the guy opposite her that she made an excuse, called her brother to pick her up and left the restaurant immediately without even telling him she was going. Her date turned out to be the serial killer lawyer Ted Bundy. Some women were obviously seduced by him and weren’t so lucky. Why did she feel that way and so soon, and potentially others didn’t?

It’s one of life’s great mysteries and is often put down to having a “6th sense”. Or; “street smarts”. An essential sense of survival and judgement. And especially an essential instinct for a women to have. 
 

A man being confident, strong, bold, funny, assertive - none of these things have to have anything to do with him being potentially dangerous. So many great and decent men have just these qualities, so those traits alone are not indications of a bad apple at all in my opinion. Not at all! 
 

I suppose there is no clear cut answer; but my only suggestion is often what people technically say doesn’t really matter that much - it’s their tone and how they say it and how they look when they say it that is important. Which personally, for me, is an argument why you can’t really get to know anyone or have a true sense of someone’s identity over the internet, without meeting them in real life. 
 

There are very subtle social clues that give away people’s true thoughts and intentions. It’s so expansive it would be hard to even quantify; and they do differ from person to person as well, I think bloomin’ confusing the matter even more. 
 

I would say within reason, if you get a “bad feeling” about someone or, something doesn’t quite sit right with you - you have to trust that, don’t try to think it away. I think your feelings are there for a reason.

You seem to have mixed emotions regarding your ex and that’s very understandable but, you have also had very physical reactions of fear and maybe even revulsion towards him which you did well not to ignore!

x

1 hour ago, Coily said:

Clearly you need to put on your most seductive clothing, knock on his door and ask : "Can I have a cup of you?" Then go full femme fatale.

Kidding

I genuinely think you just need to find moments to say hello, think of a few topics that are low key and no pressure that can spark a conversation. You may have to go out of your way, but nothing wrong with that.

Be willing to ask him about a coffee shop near by, if he speaks well of it, or hasn't been ask if he would like to join you. I agree with Jaunty, there are lots of ways to show interest that aren't like the joke earlier.

Or maybe, when he’s passing; fall into his arms; then when he catches you, looking up into his eyes to say, “Sorry… weak ankles.” 
 

🥂🤣

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I totally get that. I agree! I mean my sister and I felt that way in the 80s if we took a new date to a popular ice cream parlor with awesome flavors and he ordered (GASP) plain vanilla ice cream -we felt morally obligated to warn about the boring red flag!! I am JOKING of course but I remember how horrifying that was LOL.  Later on my husband explained that good vanilla is often hard to find so.... (but even he would't order just vanilla).  Anyway yes I love how you put it and you are a very good friend and supporter.  

I got myself in a bit of trouble once -my friend's friend who I'd met started dating a guy I'd gone to school with who I'd kept loosely in touch with.  I strongly believed he'd become very very unstable.  I had facts etc.  So I told my friend that I had some concerning information and she said -please tell me -I care about my friend.  I put it as factually as I could. I don't know what was said if anything. They did marry, I believe they're still married and happy so perhaps he got help (this was NOT abuse or drugs -it was just he was acting very off plus very depressed -odd).  Trouble was I felt like maybe I overreached since he wasn't dangerous just - not stable? 

Hey Batya! 
 

I get this as well! 
 

Sometimes I think, what kind of treatment would I like in a friend or someone looking out for me? I think about people who genuinely care about me; really want my best interests - for example, my Mum and Dad. They don’t say things to please me or things I’d like to hear. Often of course, I haven’t liked that. They were never really against my husband but they did have legit reservations because I was 18 and never had a boyfriend, and he was turning 28 and a fully grown man running his business with a cottage he lived in so, you can see my parents had concerns I was getting swept away by lifestyle. He wasn’t doing anything flash by the way but it could have been seen as impressive if you were straight out of college into the open sea with nothing! 
 

They actually held reservation towards him for a few years. We had a huge argument whilst we were engaged, I actually went back home for three nights, it was turmoil for me. My parents didn’t really say anything either way. Probably a smart and political move especially from my Dad as he knew we were very likely to get back together after my teenage huff had ended! 
 

Anyway, cheers Batya! I actually don’t know whether I do make a good friend actually. Truly, I don’t know whether I am a lot of peoples cups of tea. 
 

I’m maybe an interesting friend? I have an unusual lifestyle. I’m always entertaining. I love to host. It’s fun that way. But I don’t know, friendships turn south fast with me actually; I often call them off. Another story for another day I guess! 
 

We try to do what’s right for the most part. It’s hard sometimes, people are adults and you can also be wrong. Sometimes you want to protect your own ego and sometimes your friend wants to protect theirs as well.

Vanilla ice cream 🤣🤣🤣

Can you please judge me on mine? My favourite is… RUM AND RAISIN 🫢🤫🤣 A close second - anything like cookie dough or chocolate/cream mix up! And I also love coffee ice cream. But my favourite pudding of all time, or, desert, for the Americans (🥲) is tiramisu! Or is it cheesecake? Wow, it’s a close call 😂🥴🥴🥴

x

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I mostly had a practical urge. Morally - I believe people can change or at least get to a place where they have the motivation and self discipline not to abuse (or abuse drugs etc) maybe with medication help/therapy.  On a practical level dating him is too risky for Rainbowroses IMO.

I agree.

The way I see it is, I’ve actually had this happen but only once - for example - if a friend starts dating a guy and they become serious but then they divulge something about them you feel is just too bad to ignore. I have felt morally obliged to say something. For example; they are an ex sex offender. I would feel, morally obliged to say my piece there to my friend and tell her she’s making a big mistake. But! If my friend and, this has happened plenty, give little grievances like ohhh, he doesn’t seem to make much eye contact or oh; he only took me to a cheap diner or; oh, he is still kind of involved with his ex - I used to keep my mouth shut unless they asked. Because to me, that’s just trivial personal preference stuff, and not likely potentially life or death or criminal type situations. 
 

It’s the same way I have spoken up and reported things to do with children at school. I felt morally obliged as another human, a mother, to do that. I didn’t have to of course, it has rocked the boat - but I’m glad I did. It’s kind of like giving fair warning. At least then; no one can turn back and say, “But no one helped me! No one said anything! No one did anything!”

I remember way back commenting on a thread where there was a woman who genuinely was fearing for her life. Does anyone remember that thread? It spooked me because she never replied back to anything and eluded that if he found her internet history she’d be in big trouble. I felt absolutely morally obliged to in no fewer words say; get the hell out of there! 
 

Another thread where I felt morally obliged was, years back, a mother asked help because she didn’t know whether a certain situation towards her child was abusive. Her partner had a history of just taking sex from her without asking/no consent. She’d wake up to him doing it and he always tried to take photos of her child. Again; I was absolutely horrified and felt huge impulse to say, again, report him and get the hell out of there with your child.

Not many threads strike me like that, but some do and stick in my mind. I don’t read anything by half on here but if I do come across something, example people have claimed to be suicidal - I have felt the need and obligation to respond as best as I can. 
 

x

This is a bit off topic potentially but it comes under the umbrella of “partner selection/warning signs/good signs” and from my experience I have noticed something that seems to be quite universal, for men and women but mostly men, when they really, genuinely meet someone they fall in love with!

They can’t keep it to themselves, for one thing, and most importantly, they seem to instantly tell the people they admire and love the most. For example; I went straight to my parents and couldn’t stop talking about him. And my sister. 
 

About a year after being with my husband, we were at his local pub and all the guys were talking about girlfriends and they were laughing and teasing him saying, a few days after meeting you, he was telling the whole pub about you, showing us your picture, and he was talking about you to his Dad and wouldn’t shut up! 
 

He also introduced me to his parents after about 3 weeks, and me the same, and all our friends had met each other very fast too; around the same time. 
 

It seems to be a sign of very serious intention. 
 

If it’s casual you’re after, obviously this type of behaviour would make you run for the hills! And I’m not saying everyone has this time line of doing things but; I notice they want to “show you off” but; not in a simply superficial way. They kind of want to announce you to their world! 
 

I may be off now with this, it may be outdated and old fashioned. I’ve been out of this for along time but I actually suspect my lil’ theory might still hold true! 🥲🤣

x

I actually never really read any of the responses here on this thread when you first posted it @rainbowsandroses! I’ve just been quickly going back and reading. I think you got basically the best answers and insight I’ve ever seen from a thread in along time! 
 

I hope it’s helped and I hope also you haven’t felt everyone was simply wailing on you all at once. It’s easy to do.

Some mistakes in life I guess we can just chalk ‘em up and no harm done. Things like this though as you know, in their worst examples, can be life threatening mistakes, so I think this is why you’ve had the response you’ve had. 
 

The philandering threads and the finance threads and the does he like me? Does she like me? threads are all fine and well but, sometimes you get something that can be put into the serious/abuse category, and it makes everyone perk up and have a moral urge to say something. 
 

x

The response on this has been stellar! 
 

I’m just sat here liking all these posts. Such food for thought.

Also @Jaunty I too found the way he came on with the overt sexuality actually a big warning sign. I am sure men can do this in a very genuine, playful, and deep way when they really like a gal, but this came across as very shallow in my opinion. 
 

My gut feeling actually @rainbowsandroses is that he might not have even been in love. The actions and ways you have mentioned indicate actually, he might not have felt that way and it was something he was saying to keep you. I realise I may be totally wrong on this - but if you think about it, if he was secretly thinking this way, and it was actually more lustful than anything deep, you also dodged a bullet, because that made him a liar as well.

Because someone is seemingly open about one thing (his abuse of his ex girlfriend) doesn’t mean he isn’t lying about many other things in the present. In fact, when people are really great liars, they use the “I’m so open so honest” thing to blind sight you into a mantra of well, if they’re so honest about THAT, they must be honest about EVERYTHING! 
 

I’m speculating of course but from the few things I read about how he came onto you, I suspect it.

In my opinion with guys, when they are really into you, kind of, struck by you in a deep and meaningful, serious way, the sexual stuff is actually not present for along time. They will ask you questions and be tender and the flirting almost has an endearing quality to it. Like, my husband saying “I like your hair”. So simple and innocent that could have come across as low effort but it was his tone and warm cheeky smile when he said it, the look in his eyes. I knew there was an iceberg of emotions behind that simple compliment. I’m a redhead with big curls so I’ve heard that comment a lot, but it was different from him.

There was no overt sexuality for weeks, he never tried to bed me. And knowing how sexual he is, it really is a testament to how men act when they are in love.

x

Beautiful!!!

Did you know there is a journal section on here From? 
 

I think your writing would be AMAZING to read! You have a talent!!!!

x

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

My next door neighbor offered me carrots today. 🥕

She's female, not quite the same but similar idea. I thought it was sweet of her!!

Borrow some sugar....

Borrowing or asking for something is actually a really good idea!!!

Then it creates another moment where you have to go back to give the thing back or they have to come to you to get it! 🥲

x