drake

Her having a hobby was not the issue. It was her attutude towards this hobby and how it affected the relationship. When we were breaking up she even went as far as to say that maybe we are not clicking because I dont do her hobby. That made me feel very un-important. I have hobbies, lots of them. But I also have lots of time outside them, and I dont put them OVER my partner. She was gone for a week and just got into town and we barely got to dinner and she mentions that she is missing her MA meeting to be with me that night. Im like, uhh you have been gone for a week doing this martial art, you would think your first night back would be spent with me. im ramblin........

Well, me and my girlfriend of 3 years (off and On) broke up last weekend. I really felt like I was losing my bestfriend. This time we got back together after being apart for a year. Since we have been back together I really have not put in much effort. Everyone always told me that breaking up and getting back together never works. So, that was inprinted in my head. Plus, I hated that she bartended when she has a college degree and is very smart. She called me after being apart for a year and basically SOLD me that she has a NORMAL job now and benefits. I was wow'ed and of course we met up and the rest is history. These past 4 months that we have been dating again have been anything but normal. She told me that she was ready for a relationship....but I am not sure that was the case. She has this Martial Art that she does.....honestly I always feel like she loves it more than me. Hard to explain but for example I have told her that I wanted to take a trip just me and her.... nothing has been planned or was even talked about after that. But she kept coming to me and telling about her next Martial Art venture. Im like, what about our venture?? Can we have one of those?? I told her it was just a hobby and she blew up at me and said,"its not a hobby, its a LIFESTYLE." It just seemed like she was more into her MA, then she was me. Which in turn made me shut down and not put in any effort. The sex was the only other issue. For some reason, with other females I last as long as possible. But with her, it was only like that in the beginning of the relationship. Then I lost my control with her, which lead to me being very frustrated. Her sex drive was nothing near mine and i was only getting sex very very infrequently. Which lead to resentment. Her excuses for low drive ranged from, me being to large, her pill, her thyroid, her comfortableness with herself and last but not least pressue from me. I did not know what to do. So now I sit here wondering....... Could we still be together if I would have changed a couple things. The sex part sucks because she is really not that orgasmic of a girl. She can only get herself off doing this speacial breathing technique or hard penetration. She even told me that oral will never do anything for her. And that she thinks she may not have a clit?? WHAT THE HELL!!! Even if I would have been getting sex 1-2 times a week I think I would have got my control back......but once a month??? And, I can't stand that she bartends. She mentioned that she almost got to use her MASE the other night when a bar fight broke out. WTH?? That is not a safe environment. And, honestly she used to strip but has been out of that since the second month I was with her. She just seems to float through life and takes her tips and saves for her next Martial Art trip. Is this a no brainer or could something have been done? My effort sucked but I think it was because i was not seeing her as wife material because of her lifestyle. Thus in turn not taking it very serious.

Thanks for your comments. I try to be a "better" boyfriend and do the "little" things.......but for some reason my mind always comes back to this. If I do something, then she fails to come through on her end......I feel like it went unnoticed. Another thing I keep thinking about.......I would love nothing more then to give her oral everyday til she screams. But she does not want that and can't get off from that. Frustrates me to hear how many women complain that their man does not do this, and here I am with a woman that could care less if she got it. Obviously there is nothing I can do to change this. So I either deal with it or leave. Hard to leave someone that is trying to change.

History: Me 26 her 27 broken up a couple times. Recently we have been together for about 4 months after being apart for a year. Known each other for about 3 years. Basically our sex life is in shambles. She says she has zero sex drive right now and is not sure why. She said this has happen with 2 other ex's as well. She has recently gotten off birth control and started working out to see if her drive would come back. She said this is normal for her. She goes in waves. She also claims that guys in the past have complained about it as well. Me, I think its mental with her. She said that there is a lot of pressure to have sex. I said from what?? She said that she knows that when she comes over that I am going to want sex. I said, that is probably true simply because we only sleep in the same bed maybe twice a week. That is why I wonder if this would even be a problem if we lived together. None the less, not sure how to get rid of that pressure other then my recent sting of saying there is no condoms.........so no worries about sex cause we cant have it anyways. Her last excuse was that I was to big for her. When we first started having sex, she bragged about my size, now its an issue...... She thinks maybe it is because she went almost a year without sex. This is killing my confidence and my relationship. I want to leave her because I feel I can do better in the aspect of finding a girl more sexually compatible. Also my sexual confidence is at an all time low. My stamina is down to nothing. I told her...what does she expect when we only have sex 1-2 times a month?? When we first got together we were like little bunnies, not using condoms and I was lasting as long as I wanted. Those days are long gone. Side note: She told me that oral has never gotten her there and never will. Manual stimulation and vibrators also do nothing for her. The only way for her to orgasm is to do this speacial breathing technique and or constant penetration which at the moment she is not getting from me. I want my old sexual girlfriend back, but I feel as though this is a losing battle. She says she wants to have my kids and has never loved anyone like me. But I am not that stupid. If her sex drive is bad now, I cant imagine after marriage and kids. Advice??