brickheart
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Everything posted by brickheart
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You guys should start a dedicated thread for the non-no-contact talk... just my humble opinion.
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Dude, that's terrible. She's totally manipulating you.
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Crap! I had been trying to be good... I turned off anonymous browsing on my online profile so I would stop stalking my ex every three minutes. And what do I do? I go and accidentally press him on my "recent visitors"! And now he probably received an email notification, because he's online three minutes later and probably thinking "what a stalker"... Ugh. I'm banging my head against the wall. I was excited to turn a whole page with the whole "not stalking him on his online dating profile anymore" thing, then my browsing history goes and betrays me. The funny part is that if he thinks I was stalking him, it wasn't even due to an actual purposeful viewing of his profile. My anxiety level just cranked up to a whole new level. This website has caused me nothing but anxiety with my ex...
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Day 8. This is really hard. He's on the dating website more and more these days. I know I am, too, but it's hard because he wasn't before. Maybe he's lonely, as I am. I know I need to stop looking, but it's so hard. SO hard. This is my last connection to him.
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Definitely! Get out there ASAP! And I'd love to critique your profile... For better or worse, I'm a very experienced profile writer/reader. Please let me help you with that.
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Day 5. This round is going much more quickly than the last. I think resigning up for the dating site was a great idea.
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Wow, CE, you're way stronger than me, hands down.
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Just a suggestion from some articles I was reading... rearrange your bedroom furniture, if you can. I know beds are expensive so you can't just throw yours out, but try putting your stuff in a whole new place so you don't just think of him automatically when you go into your bedroom. Good luck. We can do it.
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Day 1, redux. ... crap crap crap. CRAP. We both rejoined the dating website where we met. He sent me this broken-up message about how he'd come accross my profile. We started talking. I reached out because a few weeks ago we tentatively decided we could be friends in the future. He sent me an angry message about how we can't be friends right now. He sent me another message after that asking if we could ever be friends. I went over because I despise the written format for serious conversations. We ended up cuddling all night. I loved it. It was awesome. But he still doesn't want to get back together. I said I understood, his tolerance for our arguments and my personal crap was too low, etc. I feel like I was too mature about the whole thing. Sometimes I really hate him for breaking up with me. But then other times I do understand why he did it. I'm so conflicted... I hope he understands that. At least I didn't sleep with him. (I mean I slept with him, but I didn't sleep with him.) I love him so much. So much for the healing process...
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Well, I personally don't feel too positive about "strong feelings"... because my ex is back on the dating website where we met after a few short weeks. I guess he wins this round. I feel so wrecked... I guess part of me was hoping he'd realize what a huge mistake he's making in moving on, and we could get back together. I still love him. It's obvious we go well together - even the stupid dating website knows it, since he popped up as my top match in my area.
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Yes, GIGS is what tore us apart (essentially, we argued a lot and he thought he could find someone who he didn't argue as much with). Frankly, I think if that was a key part of your break-up, you should let her get it out of her system. If you're so compatible, you'll be together again. I feel a little terrified of the concept that maybe my ex will find someone he feels more compatible with and I won't, but ultimately I actually feel like he and I will be together again after he's dated around and discovered that it's not as easy to find compatibility as he thought. Food for thought, anyway. Yes, I agree, these thoughts suck.
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I'm glad you were able to have that talk. I did have a good closing talk with my ex, but when I last talked with my ex, he made it clear there was absolutely no chance that we could get back together. He believes we can't get over our personal issues as a couple - he wants to date other people and see if he is more compatible with someone else. It makes me sad, because I've never met someone I felt so comfortable with or had such deep chemistry with in my entire life (not that I'm that old yet - fortunately I have more time, since I'm 24). I love him so much, and he still loves me, too, but he's not coming back. That's what makes it so hard - if I were to go over there right now, he would have a hard time not folding me in his arms the way he used to.
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I know... and I know HE'S doing ME a favor by not initiating contact, too. And yet it doesn't feel like it, you know?
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Double post.
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Day 10. HELP. I want SO MUCH to contact him. I've been thinking constantly about him today, and how I really, really want to be with him. I want to drive over to his house and just cuddle with him all day, maybe see a movie or get dinner. I cannot believe how strong this drive is right now. I know he's just sitting at home, and I want to go over there and talk and maybe do something, like in the good old days. Please stop me... HELP.
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Day 9. Almost wanted to turn down his street and go talk to him. All I want is to hug him for like an hour and tell him about everything that's happened to me lately, and ask how he's doing. That's all I want. I don't want to talk about the relationship or think about our future - I just miss being able to talk to him about our every-day lives.
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I don't know the whole situation, but here's a hug and some advice. I'm sorry you feel so fatalistic, but I'm glad you're going to do this if it's going to help you heal in the long run. If it will help you have closure, say whatever you need to say and then get out, go NC, etc. Let this be the final conversation where you let her know everything you want her to know and then please please please don't say anything else.
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Day 8. This is getting easier. That's not to say that it's EASY yet - I still think about him all the time - but I just took a huge leap yesterday afternoon in my healing process. I'm getting ready to find a better guy! And maybe he and I can be friends, and maybe not. The one thing that worries me is that he said to contact him when I'm healed... I don't want him to think it's taking me too long, because it's really not. And we all know it's a contest...
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
brickheart replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Around noon today I started being pissed off at you instead of sad. What's the matter with you? So we had some arguments... and? You couldn't stick it out? Pleeease. Don't tell me you couldn't make it work - we were in a long-term committed relationship! You make things work, yo. I need a boyfriend I can rely on to help me through thick and thin. I thought I could reveal my true self to you, because I guess you weren't the right guy for the job. -
Oh man... Blondie, why did he tell you?
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Day 7. This is getting sort-of, not-really easier. Not really at all, actually. But I'm just taking it day by day. He's out of the city right now for the holiday, so at least I know for sure that I won't "accidentally" meet him while running errands.
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Day 6. Had (I guess having, technically, since it's only mid-afternoon) a bad day... all I wanted to do was call him. Fortunately I talked myself down and we're still in NC. Phew!
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
brickheart replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I had this dream where someone had his arms around me, just like you used to do. It felt so good in my mind. I didn't make the connection until I woke up - my brain is still trying to find a way back to you. -
Ha! Best not to think of it that way, but yes, I think I'm improving myself for sure. I weigh in once a week, and so far I've lost about five pounds already from exercise and healthy eating! Take that... I'm also thinking of taking some language lessons and maybe some marketing courses. Too bad the nearest community college is like right near my ex's house. Maybe online...?
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Nice! I would love to learn Italian. And learn to play the guitar, actually. Where are you picking these skills up?
