lilcherub

Four words for you "Let love find you"

If you go searching for love your going to find heartache, and trouble.

But if you let love find you it will survive.

Your young, you have your whole life ahead of you to find true love. Focus on your studies.

And no matter what alcohol and smoking or drugs won't solve your problems or help you hide from them. Because your problems will still be there when you sober or come off the high.

Be patient , when its your time it will happen.

Lilcherub

Your advice gives me a little more comfort, but coming up with a plan and getting the courage to do so is alot harder.

Due to fears of screwing up what I have.

But you are right I do need to test how he truly feels about me.

Thanks

Lilcherub

Its hard to pass assumption on his intentions toward you, what you need to do is invite him over to dinner and test the waters.

Have him over, and while in conversation, ask him if he would like to go out some time to a movie or whatever.

If he is interested in pursueing something with you he will .

Or you can try the direct approach and just tell him you like him and want to trying dating.

that is if you like him in that way

lilcherub

Its been 5 months since I lost my heart to the man I fell in love with, with that came the distance between us. I live in Canada and he lives in Texas. We met back when he was here in Vancouver visiting on holidays and we became friends. After he went home our friendship became more, we both fell in love with each other. My hearts desire has been to be with him, to move and relocate closer to him, that was our plan. He was going to come back out here and then we were going to get married. But things happened which prevented the plan from being put into action. I have been living out of my suitcases for the past almost two months because of our plan. Then we came up with another plan, he offered to bring me out there, he was going to wire me the money, as i haven't been working for the past couple months because I was suppose to move. Anyway that has fallen through again and i don't know why. I love him with all my heart, and I will always love him.

I just don't know how much more of these let downs I can take. I understand things can happen which we have no control over. I just don't know how to decipher from reality and excuses anymore.

Again today he said he would send me the money, and I asked him if it was for real this time and he said yes.

He is faithful with his phone calls, and i know that he will call me tonight like always, I am not sure what to say to him.

I love him to much to walk away and he knows that.

But when is enough,enough.

What would you say if you were in my situation.

I know in my heart that I don't want to throw away what I have, I just don't know how to stress to him that he will lose me the longer it takes for us to be together.

I have been getting frustrated alot lately because I have guys back home here in Canada chasing after me, trying to get with me, or get my attention.

Its even gotten as bad as someone following me home on the bus to ask me out.

help?

Lilcherub

Just wanted to say from one poet to another that was a great poem keep on writing.

Because the best lyrics come from the heart.

Lilcherub

Truthfully, you can only help those who want to help themselves. Ultimately she is the one making these decisions to get back together again and again.

Its called a pattern, it goes in a vicous cycle, and it will happen again and again until she realises on her own the pattern she is living in.

The best thing to do is be her friend, true friends will stay by your side through thick and thin, rain or shine etc etc. No matter what.

What you should do is pose this question.

Why do you take him back?

And if she says because she is in love with him , well then you know there is not much you can do because at that point she is living in a fantasy world where she don't loved unless she gets the treatment she does.

Again its hard to truly say unless I was in your position and i have had friends who are or have been in her situation.

just be a friend

Lilcherub

First of all what you need to tell her is what comes from within, sure you could come on here and ask us what we would say if we were in your shoes but in the end it you who has to get the nerve to truly tell her how you feel.

If it was me I would just politely tell her that there will never be another chance at us. That she made her decision when she walked out on 4 years to be with another man. And the hypothetically speaking that if and when she tires of him or vice versa don't be thinking about reopening that door because the locks have been changed and she will never get back in its over.

Then there is the classic, the one I told my ex to get rid of him when he called me again.

"Do both of us a favour,lose my number, I don't want to hear from you ever again, i never loved you, you mean nothing to me. goodbye!"

That stop him from calling me ever again I made my point even the I probably came accross as a super ****.

But truthfully when it comes down to it you need to figure out what it is you feel in your heart, how you feel about her and make the call on what it is you feel appropriate to say to get your point accross. Like I said its a tough call, but ultimately its on you.

Lilcherub

I understand completely what your going through as I am going through that right now. There is not real answer on how to get over someone you love, because deep down in your heart. You don't. When your in love with someone, nothing else seems to matter, your world revolves around that one person, and when cirumstances tear love apart, then all you have left is time, time alone, time to heal, time to get over, time to move on. But in real life in the real world the reality is you can never stop loving that person if your love was real,even when your no longer together.

If you two truly love each other then try to make something work a relationship is a two way street, it doesn't have to be this hard. Because love knows no boundaries, love can conquer the world.

Search your heart,only you can answer your question in the end.

And if you need a friend then message me in my box and I will be there to listen

Lilcherub

Be honest.................go ahead tell him.................it won't hurt........... cause then at least you tried.

lilcherub

Like I say...... give her space. When you see her tomorrow explain to her you understand her need to explore herself,her needs to branch out. And you respect her for it. Give her the choice (balls in her court) on whether she wants to remain friends. If she notices that she might lose your friendship also she may decide that she is being foolish and she may not. She may also decide that she doesn't want the friendship either so be prepared for any and all forthcomings.

but most of all do not grovel/beg for her not to leave you. she will lose respect for you if you do.

Trust me give her space... it should give you the better outcome in the end.

lilcherub

From the sounds of it your young and you still have to realise there is a whole world out there outside of your ex.

As for your ex, accept that she wants out, give her he space and move on with your life, go out with other women etc. Once she realises you have moved on, if her feeling for you were more then childhood first love,puppy love,infatuations. then she will come around and realise what she had with you.

Give her freedom to figure things out on her own, if your meant to get back together it will be in her time. just don't put your life on hold.

lilcherub

Ps. hopefully this helps a little

Just give him time as much as you love him.......... he need to truly figure out how he truly feels about you.

Guys usually have a hard time dealing with their emotions or displaying them ..... it can get confusing for them .

Just give him time, if he loves you truly and its real he will figure it out and come looking for you.

Lilcherub

My fiancee (not sure anymore) has been gone for the past almost 5 months, and I went through what you are going through now. Its not going to be easy to get him out of your mind when you are in love. I found that if i kept my time consumed(busy) distracted ie baking,craft,wroting,going out with friends that I could take my mind off him enough to get through my day, it never changed my excitment looking forward to his calls. It just helped get by the fact he wasn't close enough to reach out and touch. you are lucky that you live close by, I live in another country while he is back in texas, and that is not easy.

lilcherub

Ps.Hope it helped a bit

I find myself turning to complete strangers for opinions/advice.

I never saw my friend as anything more then a good friend and then

4months ago (my friend)asked me how I felt about marriage, and if I would become his wife. This came after we had been separated by countries/states. I said yes not knowing what I was in store for. After we got engaged, I started getting phone calls from him at all hours upset because a few of his ex's were trying hard to come between his feeling for me. To the point that one tried to kill herself, and the other well has been threatening to harm herself, because of his constant refusal to get back with either of them. I have been waiting patiently for his return, I have been understand each time he has had to cancel his flights (now being #6) First few flights due to death in the family,births,his one ex in the hospital,the last two because he other ex started talking about harming herself if he left, and then me argueing with him telling him to go be with his other ex then if he is so concerned for her safety that he would allow it to come between our future marriage. Am I being selfish? I never had to go through all that I am going through now when I was just his friend. Many times I told him I love him enough to let him go if it meant his happiness. But it was my mind speaking not my heart. I find even though all these issues I cannot let go, and that it make me want him even more, until today......................

Anyway meanwhile during all these events happening someone that I have been corresponding with has come out and told me how interested he is in one day meeting me. And then the topic marriage came up with him also. Call me lonely,call me confused. I am stuck in the middle. I love the first guy dearly, and would love to be his wife because of are strong friendship/connection.But lately i have been getting more attention from a guy over the internet then my own fiancee.

Any comments, ideas, advice .....

It would be appreciated dearly,

Lilcherub

Be straightforward and honest. But be prepared that she may not feel the same way you do, or that she may value your friendship more then anything. Most of all be honest with her, because if your not honest with her your not being honest to yourself.

And if she doesn't return the feelings, then except it and move on. Be her friend and try not to let your feelings get in the way. Because it will only jeopardize your friendship in the long run.

lilcherub

I hope this helps

I would have to also agree with charmed................

and on the other note, i must also say that you need to build more self confidence..... I know its hard because I struggle with that sometimes too. we as humans all suffer from a little bit of poor self esteem.

You need to stop being hard on yourself and take these looks as compliments....

Lil cherub

Ummm......... your interested in a girl am I right, but also in the message you referred to more then one.

Seriously i would think about who it is your digging and if you like them then being straight forward and romantic will blow them out of the water. Because they never would of expected something like that from you.

Write her a poem, buy her a rose, make her something that lets her know your interested. leave it on her desk when noones looking with a note asking her to go out with you to a movie or whatever. Lay it on the line. But be prepared for rejection at the same time.

Just go for it.

Here it Goes........

I have fallen completely in love with my bestfriend,after he asked me to become his wife. With my committment too him to engages in a more meaningful relationship came a whole bunch of drama with his ex's not too mention it already being really straining because of the distance between us, he is in Houston,tx, and I am stuck waiting for him here in Canada,Vancouver. I have put my life on hold for almost 5 months now, and i am reaching a point where I have had enough of waiting for things to come together. He was suppose to be back her 3.5 months ago, and everytime something came up which stopped him from coming back. And every promise to fly me out there, has never come through again today he was suppose to send my the money for my ticket via western union and again its is not there. He has changed his mind about me coming out there, him coming out here. That I have reached a point in my life where its either **** or get off the pot. Is that selfish of me to be like this. Ultimately he is my friend, and i love him too much to walk away from our friendship, I just think that cause he love me alot the it will really hurt him and may sever our friendship in the process.

Not sure what to do ? Having second thoughts. Too many doubts! when is enough a enough. And how long is too long to wait........

Lilcherub

I find myself turning to complete strangers for opinions/advice.

I never saw my friend as anything more then a good friend and then

4months ago (my friend)asked me how I felt about marriage, and if I would become his wife. This came after we had been separated by countries/states. I said yes not knowing what I was in store for. After we got engaged, I started getting phone calls from him at all hours upset because a few of his ex's were trying hard to come between his feeling for me. To the point that one tried to kill herself, and the other well has been threatening to harm herself, because of his constant refusal to get back with either of them. I have been waiting patiently for his return, I have been understand each time he has had to cancel his flights (now being #6) First few flights due to death in the family,births,his one ex in the hospital,the last two because he other ex started talking about harming herself if he left, and then me argueing with him telling him to go be with his other ex then if he is so concerned for her safety that he would allow it to come between our future marriage. Am I being selfish?Anyway meanwhile during all these events happening someone that I have been corresponding with has come out and told me how interested he is in one day meeting me. And then the topic marriage came up with him also. Call me lonely,call me confused. I am stuck in the middle. I love the first guy dearly, and would love to be his wife because of are strong friendship/connection.But lately i have been getting more attention from a guy over the internet then my own fiancee.

Any comments, ideas, advice .....

It would be appreciated dearly,

Lilcherub