Jump to content

Mustang

Silver Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,059

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Mustang

  1. Mustang
    I've decided that she has to prove her "friendship" to me and the only way to do that is to not contact her again until she contacts me. For some reason, I don't expect her to contact me at all. I have been suspicious that even though she wanted me and her to remain friends, she was only saying it because a) she's weak and b) she didn't want to seem horrible. But actions speak louder than words and she's never contacted me except for my birthday and Christmas. So I think she's just being polite and she'd rather not speak to me at all. This will be her test.
  2. Mustang
    Hey. I got drunk last night and sent my ex a text too. Grrrrrr. All I said was: "Hey! *** *** (the club we used to go to) says hello! Hope you're well. x" No response. No need for her to respond obviously. I just wish the madness would go away and we could talk genuinely. I get the impression that she doesn't trust me.
  3. Mustang
    Day 2 My reasons for NC are different now to what they were. I'm not expecting or hoping for my ex to come back. I got sick of it being weird and I just wanted to close the book on it for good. That said, I don't want to go rushing in and scaring her away. I can understand that she's probably a bit suspicious of my intentions right now. So as a way of proving I'm serious about a friendship, I'm going to remain in NC for as long as I can so firstly, I don't freak her out or scare her away and secondly, I don't want to become too attached too soon and go back ten steps. Plus I have a feeling that she's not 100% happy with what I said to her the other day. I have no idea why but I just got that impression from her. Maybe she doesn't trust me or maybe she's a bit shocked that I essentially told her I no longer want to chase her. It's not going to change overnight but hopefully in a few months everything will be comfortable at least. I think I have a couple of potential dates coming up in the week. I've been a bit reluctant up until now but I think I am finally ready to dip my toes.
  4. Mustang
    As some of you know from my other thread, I've made peace with my ex. Well, to a certain extent. I think she's suspicious of my intentions but I really am letting go and in time hopefully we can become friends. I'm so tired of waiting and so tired of things being weird. That said, I am going to do my best to stay in NC for a little bit just so I can remain in control. I can understand that she might be a bit reluctant to be friends because of how I was before and all I can really do now is give it time. NC is the best way to show her that I am genuine in what I say and it is also good for me too. Plus I have no need to contact her all the time anyway. When we were in LC before, I was getting false hope. Now that I have no hope, I can talk to her as and when and eventually, maybe we'll be comfortable. I feel like a book has been closed at long last and I feel ready to move forward. I don't know why I've suddenly started to feel like this but I have read on here in the past that sometimes you really do just wake up one day and not care.
  5. Mustang
    I'm not sure about that. I often think she's just being polite. That said, when we bumped into each other in March she was really nice. She bought me a drink, we hugged and hung out for a bit. Everything went away. Hiding behind texts and emails doesn't work when things are still a bit up in the air. I know a lot of people say that I should just forget about her but I'm getting to the stage now where I'm thinking it doesn't have to be all or nothing anymore. Although, the difficulty is approaching my ex again genuinely just to see how she is because she will assume that it is part of some plan.
  6. Mustang
    I'm not even bothering to count the days anymore. As I said yesterday, NC is making things worse in a way. It seems to be making me think of my ex more in a way because as time goes on I wonder if she's thinking about me in anyway. Then I start to panic and wonder if she's forgetting about me. It's annoying. That said, I can't contact her because I don't want to look weak but I really really miss being able to talk to her. She was a huge part of my life and it kills me that she doesn't even seem that bothered about being friends with me. I don't expect her to contact me at all. Why would she? I'm guessing she doesn't see the point if she's got a new boyfriend. All her attention goes on him. Again, that makes it worse. I'm just getting a bit fed up of it being all or nothing. She was my best friend too and I feel like I've lost two things now. I just want things to be "normal" again without all the game playing.
  7. Mustang
    Day 5 I've got soooo much uni work to do this week. I'm trying really hard not to think about my ex because it tends to make me lose focus. As you all know, I kind of fell off the wagon last week but I didn't say anything wrong and I made sure that my text message wasn't open ended so I wouldn't get caught up in the same pointless chit chat that we used to always do. Which would upset me in the long run. I've kind of accepted that we can't get back together now. I know that I need to be more self confident and happier in myself. I have uni work to do and I have to find a summer job too. That said, I do still have hope that maybe one day things can be different but I am trying to let go and move on because I actually hate feeling the way I do now. My ex girlfriend's auntie suggested that we all meet up at a gig on June 5th. I'd really like to but I need to get myself together first. So it's not 100% certain that I will but that's my "target".
  8. Mustang
    Likewise! But I'm at uni so I'm used to it. If my liver could type and had emotions I'm sure it'd be posting on ENA talking about how hurt it is on a regular basis.
  9. Mustang
    Day 2 Hungover. I went out last night and met three (yes three) girls. Does that make me a player? It's amazing what happens when you are not looking for things.
  10. Mustang
    Day 1 I am so annoyed at being back here. The only positive thing is that I didn't text her back last night after texting her originally. I won't text her back. Why should I tell her how I am?
  11. Mustang
    It is indeed. I can't be arsed with chasing somebody that's made their point perfectly clear. It really is hard to think of her with somebody else. Especially as there was no gap in between. It kills me to think of her and him. She posted on Facebook that she was going to Scotland and seemed excited about it. She knew I'd see it too. Which makes it feel even worse. I probably won't sleep tonight because I will imagine them together. Which is something I am not looking forward to when I go to bed. But the main thing is not to let her know that I am feeling like this. It's just a blip and in a few weeks I'll be OK again. To be honest, I don't really think she'll be thinking any of those things. She's with him and she has been for a while now. They're probably telling each other they love each other by now. I'm just a guy she once went out with. Nothing more. She was just being polite with her text to me. I really do want to let her know how I am and that I'm cool but at the same time, I don't want to give her the comfort. It's so hard mind you.
  12. Mustang
  13. Mustang
    Indeed. She poked me back this afternoon and I sent her a text this evening saying: "Oi you! Don't poke me. I'll let you off it as it's the first of the month and what not but don't do it again. How's life?" Her response was sent three minutes later saying: "Hey! I was only returning the poke that you did to me! Yeah life's good thanks, how you doing? xxx" I haven't responded. She updated her Facebook status tonight saying that "she's off to Glasgow! x". She knows that I must check her profile if I poked her so she knew I was going to see it. Although, I am a tad confused as they're supposed to be at uni now. I won't respond to her text. I will leave her to it. I am not giving her the satisfaction of telling her how I am. Even though I am doing really well at the moment. If I respond, she won't wonder. If I don't, she will wonder why I didn't. I am making sure I am in control and it's on my terms this time. That said, I don't think she'll care either way to be honest. I'll be OK. It was just a blip. I always said I'd wait until the Foos gig.
  14. Mustang
    The NC wagon.
  15. Mustang
    I feel off the wagon.
  16. Mustang
    Day 29 I accidently poked my ex on Facebook last night. I didn't mean to. I was trying to poke the person below her. I was a bit drunk. I am not ready, willing or able to talk to my ex yet. I hope she ignores it. I never thought I'd say this but I don't want her to contact me. I'm just a bit annoyed because I didn't do it deliberately and now she's getting a free ego boost. If she does contact me, should I just ignore it? Then maybe she'll get the message that I did it by accident?
  17. Mustang
  18. Mustang
  19. Mustang
    Day 28 So I've done a month. Go me. It doesn't really mean anything other than I have at least proven I am strong enough to try and move on. As I've mentioned many times in the past, I do still think of my ex and I don't think I am in a position to be with anyone else but I also think that getting back with her now would be too soon. So I am going to carry on with NC. I do still think about contacting her but as the days go by, the more important contact has to be. Right now, I have no idea what to say to my ex. I do feel like I've made some progress. Not sitting by my phone waiting for replies has made it easier to keep my mind on other things. Of course I wonder if she's thinking about me. I could just be a distant memory now. She's probably not missing me at all. As far as I am aware she's with someone else and the last thing she said to me was that she doesn't regret her decision. Which is a shame for her really because I am so so so excited about my future. I can suddenly see my career panning out the way I've always wanted it to. Let her have her ugly Scottish boyfriend and her terrible degree... Bitter? Me? Nah.
  20. Mustang
    Day 26 I'm really missing her today. The thing is, I know I can't contact her because I am not ready. I know that if I was to contact her now I would look weak and I would once again read into everything she says and try to find answers. I want to be the person I used to be. I am trying very hard to get my life together again. My ex did tell me that she'd give me as much time as I wanted until if/when I wanted to contact her again. So she won't contact me no matter what happens. I think that makes it worse in a way. We used to best friends too and it kills me that we have nothing now. That said, whenver I do think about contacting her I also think of her and her new guy. I'll feel like an annoying ex. You know how it is when you start seeing someone new. You don't leave each other's sight and everything is great. They are probably having great fun and yes, having sex. I am becoming a distant memory. But at the same time, I have no choice. If I contact now whilst she's happy with someone else (I assume she is) then she will just roll her eyes at the thought of me contacting her again. Plus even if I am ready to contact her just as friends I expect she will be cold with me again anyway because she will assume that I have an agenda. I just wish for some "normality" for once.
  21. Mustang
    Day 25 I am very hungover today. I am amazed that I have almost made it through a month. I never thought I'd be able to do it. So it shows that I have made some progress. Obviously I still think of my ex but I definitely think that NC has helped. LC wasn't working. I do still hope to be with my ex again but I have accepted that I have to let it go.... for now. As people have said a lot recently, if we were to get back together it would have to be a new relationship. Right now, I don't think I'm the person I want to be. I do plan to contact my ex at some point but I am worried that I will look weak and her reaction will make me go back to square one.
  22. Mustang
    Day 23 I don't think a day goes by where I don't think about my ex. I am trying my best to get over it all mind you. It was three weeks ago today that my ex emailed me. I still don't really know what to make it. It does still linger in my thoughts. I miss her a great deal and I have the natural feelings of "does she miss me?" going round my head. I won't ever know but I hope she is doing OK anyway.
  23. Mustang
    I agree. I am not there yet. Plus I think knowing she "probably" has a boyfriend puts me off because I'll just be this ex that she thought she was rid of contacting her again. No matter what state of mind I am actually in, I will look clingy again. I don't want to look like this clingy ex and that's why I walked away. But I guess I just know deep down that no matter what becomes of the rest of my life, I will always be a clingy and needy ex in her eyes. Which is frustrating.
  24. Mustang
    Day 22 I had visions of my ex having sex again with her new guy last night. I had trouble sleeping because of it. Every time I closed my eyes I could imagine everything. It was so horrible. The more I tried to ignore it the worse it got. Argh. I'm almost at the month stage which is pretty good. The longest I've managed previous to this was 12-13 days. I do have moments where I can't do anything but think of my ex but I am trying to get on with things as best as I can. I have decided to do some hypnotherapy for my self confidence to see if that improves things. I still miss my ex. I sometimes feel like I am going backwards and NC is making me feel worse but I know that it's my only option right now. And of course, I am wondering if my ex is thinking about or missing me in anyway.
  25. Mustang
    I suppose I am scared to ever contact her again in case she just speaks to me like she did before. I mean, she may not miss me at all and then if I pop back into her life again... I'll be a burden that she thought she was rid of. With that in mind, I have decided to wait for her to contact me. Even though she agreed to give me space and time. I just think that any form of contact from me will make me look weak. And as I have said, I can't see why she would ever feel so strongly to break NC when I told her how I felt. I am trying to work on myself and get back to the person I know that I need to be either for her or for the next girl I am with. I am so frustrated that I am still not feeling 100% because I really want to be my funny and confident self again.
×
×
  • Create New...