redreine

I'm not sure what day it is...I think 3. I am doing fine with not having the urge to talk to him or look at his facebook/myspace/dating profile. I haven't had any urges to call him, or even talk to his sisters or his friends (all on my facebook) I had a date last night, and I feel so awkward around guys that aren't him. He's all I think about, and it takes everything in me not to talk about him. A little girl at the youth group I help run told me she saw my boyfriend recently, and I didn't have the heart to correct her. As a matter of fact, my immediate thought was, "He'll be my boyfriend again later anyway, so making the correction doesn't matter". I know our relationship will never work until we both make some changes. That's why I told him we can't be together now, and he knows we can't be together either...although he doesn't think he needs to change, as far as I know. There is just something that has always told me that we were meant to be together, forever. That he's "The One". But today...that feeling started to fade.

Needless to say, I'm back. Day 1, NC.

My ex always made me feel like I was wrong, too. He'd do something to upset me and find some way to turn it all around on me, and I always ended up being the one to apologize. He always said the same thing, that I freak out over little things. And he always pulled the same card - "everyone I talk to agrees with me when I tell them about it". WELL DUH. You're talking to YOUR family and friends. Not only that, you're probably TWISTING the story around to your advantage. To be frank, I talk to people about our problems, too...and I always tell the exact story, including the stuff I know will make me sound bad, and what do you know. The people *I* talk to always agree with ME. Imagine that. I'm usually spoon-feeding him and trying to be nice about everything, but last night I was completely candid. I told him he needs to see things from my point of view for once. You know what he did? Let me tell you a little tidbit about last night. He was mad at me for taking my sh*tty day out on him. He said he has a sh*tty day every day, and he never takes it out on anyone. I was trying to explain to him how having to go to a funeral that day was hard on me because I don't deal well with them ever since my dad died. Then he said, well imagine people telling you all day you can't do anything. SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE GOING TO COMPARE MY EMOTIONAL ISSUES WITH DEATH TO WORKING IN A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? Needless to say, that was when I got p*ssed off and started ranting.

So I found out he's mad at me for the following reasons : 1. I guilt-tripped him then denied doing it. 2. I told him he spends too much time with his friends. Ok, I'll be honest. I did guilt-trip him and deny it. But not in the way he was thinking. He stated I was guilt-tripping him for cancelling our date. I wasn't. I was guilt-tripping him for not coming because the roads were bad, then driving around all day with his friend. The second thing, I told him with the gas money he spends going to see his friends and going to Wal Mart and Taco Bell and other places, he could use that to come see me one extra day a week. He interpreted that as me saying he spends too much time with his friends. I tried explaining all this to him, and he said he didn't care because the past was the past, and quit talking to me again.

We were back together...but now we're not. Have I got a story for you guys and gals. Oy vey. We got back together on Sunday. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me, he couldn't live without me, he wanted to be with me forever..blah blah blah whatever. He comes over Monday, and towards the end of the night starts messing around on facebook and youtube and stuff on my computer, while I am obviously bored and irritated. I even flat out told him once to get off of my computer...I guess he thought I was joking? Oh well. So we had plans for Saturday for our belated Valentine's date. I had a funeral to go to Saturday morning, which was hard for me. Then my best friend's baby shower, which was hard for personal reasons I won't disclose, but he knows. I get home all excited because he should be at my house any minute. I decide to call him to tell him to be careful because the roads are a little slick. He cancels on me. Now, I'm obviously very upset, but I can deal with it. I understand the weather is bad. Later on, I get a txt from my friend. He has txtd her to tell me his computer is acting up, and he will be online at 6. He wasn't. I called him at 8. He had been out (on the bad roads!) the whole time with his friend. I started to tell him how I didn't understand why he couldn't just make it to our date, and he started yelling (yes, YELLING) at me about guilt-tripping him, and then hung up on me. I tried calling him back, no answer. So I left him an offline message saying we were through until he decides to grow up and quit handling his relationships like a 15 year old. I told him I love him and I do want to be with him forever, but I can't have a relationship like this, and that things needed to change, and we jumped back into it too quickly. So I've been sending him lovey-dovey bumper stickers on facebook, to let him know that I do still love him and I do care...and he's been accepting them and posting them on his facebook, but he wasn't answering my calls or my IM's, at all. I then figured out once again that he had already put his profile back up on that dating website. And saw that he was looking for girls on some facebook application. So I IM'd him and asked if he "could maybe not hate me?" and he answered "idk". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hate this, enotaloners. I hate loving someone so much, and knowing at the same time that I deserve better. I hate that there are all these guys out there really like me a lot and want to be with me, and I am so stuck on this...this...CHILD...who throws an emotional temper tantrum every time something doesn't go his way. My best friend says it's like there's a nice Tony and an evil Tony, lol. I'm starting to believe her. I think the thing I really hate the most is...a lot of this could be solved if we weren't living out our relationship on a computer. He is an angel when we are physically together. He's the sweetest guy you could ever hope to meet, he takes care of me, and he's just wonderful. When he has a computer screen to hide behind, the sh*t just flies. All of this craziness that ensues between us always happens online. I mean, we've had our little hiccups when we were physically together, but never anything close to major. *sigh* I need a break.

We're a couple again, but we are no longer engaged. (something we both agreed upon) We've also both decided to set some ground rules and that we need to change some things. He's coming over tomorrow and we're having our belated V-Day date Saturday. After he broke up with me, he still went out and bought me a gift...aww...

I'm trying to make things easy on him. But at the same time I plan on making sure he knows that he can't have me back just because he's sorry.

My ex is currently begging for me back! Ahhhhhhhhh!

Guys deal with their emotions differently. They find it easier to compartmentalize things, and have been taught from an early age to just soldier on. That's not to say they aren't hurting just as much...they've just been taught to hide it. Which, it sucks to say, is why guys have a higher suicide rate, and are more likely to become addicted to drugs/alcohol.

I just talked to the ex again, and he's asking me what he should say when he messages girls on the dating site we're on. It seems to me either he really trusts me, or he's really a self-saboteur. Actually, I know him. It's both. I hate mixed messages.

I'm still posting in here, even though I am doing the exact opposite of NC. I tried offering it up to my ex, but he said we were doing well and didn't need it. Doesn't matter to me either way, since I won't be getting back together with him when he comes back. I already have 3 guys on my heels! And how many girls like him? Just me. So I think he's DEFINITELY starting to realize his mistake. I told him about the guy that wanted to take me out and then never got ahold of me, and he told me it was his loss. I said thank you for saying that, and he said it was the truth. Then I told him that he always makes me smile, and he said good. Later last night, we talked about the break-up and everything, and I explained things how I saw them, and he ended up agreeing with me on everything. Then he just stopped talking altogether, so I left him alone. My mom says he realizes he was wrong and now he needs time to mull it over.

I've been talking to my ex all day, sorting out our relationship. He seems very close to coming back. The guy that asked me out the other night hasn't talked to me...but another guy asked me out today! My ex told me he's been talking to a lot of girls, but none of them like him. And he knows guys are talking to me. This must be hard for him. Poor baby.

My mom said basically the same thing. He's feeling guilty. That really makes me want to punch him, though. All he had to do was not break up with me. Duhhhh. lol

I talked to my ex online again tonight, and re-added him on facebook. Everything was going great tonight...we were getting along great, and being friendly and having some fun conversation. Then a friend of his messaged me on facebook chat. She said he had told her that he broke up with me, and she wanted to make sure I was ok. We started talking and I told her why he broke up with me (just gave the reason, didn't make him sound like a bad guy or anything) and she apparently went off on him. I guess when he told her he broke up with me, she told him off then, too. He accused us of guilt tripping him, and told me not to talk to his friends about our break-up. I apologized, and told him I wasn't trying to guilt trip him. All of this spiraled into a conversation about why we broke up. He told me that he had told this same friend that our break-up was 5 months in the making. (We were together for 5 months). I tried to explain to him that he would have to understand that people he loves will disagree with his decision, because they love him and want him to be happy, and they saw that he was happy with me. His response was that they didn't need to try and change his mind or make him think differently. I'm just so frustrated right now. We had two really great nights of IM'ing, and then he's annoyed with me over something I had no control over. My mom says that he's just feeling guilty and I need to give him some time. His friend told me that she knows him and he'll come around, I just need to give him some time and some space. I'm going to try and talk to him tomorrow, and come to some sort of resolution with him. I'm going to offer to give him some time and space, and ask him how he feels and how long he needs. This is all in the effort to just have a friendly working relationship with him. What do you think?

I say it can't happen right now because the fact that my ex was constantly leaving me while at the same time claiming to want to spend the rest of his life with me shows that he is in no way ready for the committment I was ready to give him.

In my experience, yes. After a night of tears and begging with my ex (and numerous break-ups beforehand) I asked him at the very end if there was ever a chance of getting back together, and he said absolutely not. Two weeks later, we were engaged.

Something we must remember is that there are always exceptions to every rule. I've found with my ex that NC works. However with this same ex I've also found that having a platonic relationship with him works just as well. I've done both with him, and in both cases he's come back. This time I went NC for a few days and found it absolutely unbearable, so I've resolved to LC. I think the mixture of the two will be just enough to get him to come back. But here's the thing. I want him to come back so that I can tell him it isn't able to happen right now. Is that bad of me? I know where we are now is no place to explain to him why I can't be with him, since he hasn't asked to come back. But I know he will come back, it's just how he is. I want to be able to explain to him that his behavior was selfish and immature while he's in the frame of mind to listen and understand that, and to tell him that I really don't think he's in any place to be having a committed relationship to anyone, because he is obviously very afraid of committment. I also want to tell him that if it's meant to be, it will happen, but nothing can happen without changes first on his part. Is this a bad plan?

arghgirl, I am very proud of you. That was truly the way things should be done, in my opinion. I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but it sounds like you definitely have a great chance of a future with him.

I got exactly what I wanted from breaking NC, and I feel great about it. I'm actually going to continue to talk with my ex, but not every day. However. I think mine is a bit of a special case. (I know, everyone thinks that) I'm no longer pining over my ex and begging God to bring him back to me. I've found someone new to at least talk to, and I know in my heart that my ex isn't ready for a committed relationship. Not only that, but if it's meant to be between us, someday we'll be together. Just not right now. It isn't meant to be right now. That being said, he is my best friend, and I love the conversations we share, and he makes me happy in that respect. I worked incredibly hard to keep him in my life, and I feel it's best for both of us to be friends. I'm definitely not saying this is the case for all people, though.

I'm actually happy that I broke NC. We discussed a lot of things, and I got some answers to my burning questions. For one, every one on here kept saying that he must have been planning to break up with me for a long time. So I told him that I knew that it was a long time coming, and he said "Honestly, the thought never even crossed my mind until Saturday when you freaked out." So it makes me feel a little better that a good portion of our relationship wasn't a lie, like I've been made to feel it was. He really is exactly the man I know he is, and he broke up with me on a whim. (why that's comforting, I'm not sure) I think he's really starting to realize the mistake that he made. I know he is talking to other girls, and that doesn't bother me. He knows that I'm talking to another guy...what he doesn't know is that I'm going on a date with this guy on Valentine's Day. He actually told me he doesn't need to know about me and other guys. I really felt like saying "Well you wouldn't have to worry about me with other guys if you hadn't dumped me, now would you?" As for helping him fill out his profile, I'll be ok with it, because I know that nothing will really come of it. He's told me that he wants me to keep the stuff that I have of his. He seems to be understanding that he has "blame" in what went wrong at the end, and while we were talking last night, he gave a sign or two that he regretted his decision. The only thing is...I'm no longer sure if *I* regret his decision...

I broke NC. But it's ok. A guy asked me out on a date, and I told my ex about it. I know I didn't need to, but I felt like I should. That got us to talking, and we're back to how we were when we were dating, minus the terms of endearment. I actually offered to help him make a better profile on the dating site. He told me he was in no hurry to meet anyone.

I would consider going out on a date that night, but none of the valentine stuff. That would be way too hard on me. My heart just dropped into my stomach while I was typing that, too.

My ex started talking to someone else one other time when he had broken up with me, and he flat out told me it was because she reminded him of me. That girl told him he should be with me, and he came back to me. So I guess *she* was a good thing. I'm not sure what day this is for me. I put my profile back up on the dating website we met on. He has also. On the website it does a match assessment thing, and then shows you the people you match with and who meet your criteria. He's right at the top of my list, so I know I must be there on his. I know he has to at least see my face a few times a day. I'm seeing a lot of guys on there that seem great, but my ex still seems like a worthy cause, too. I've decided that if I do take him back (hoping he comes back), there will be a whole lot of discussion about how he's been selfish and immature. I will also explain to him that we can not even consider marriage right now, because he quite obviously is in no place for that kind of committment. I'm also going to explain to him that he has a lot to do to win me back, and if we do get back together, there will be rules. I know all that sounds harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I think I'm just going to look at it this way - if it's meant to be, it will happen. For now I'll just have to move on...and just hope I don't feel foolish about this decision.

I need to confess something. I didn't contact him...but I did look at his myspace. And I did a little snooping myspace-wise beyond that. (comment stalking) I went to the website we met on, and did an anonymous search for a guy with all his details, and sure enough...he's already made a new profile. I'm staying true to the NC when it comes to talking to him. If and when he does come back, I'm almost positive he won't have someone to come back to.