Razorsharpbone

at least you have someone to luv buddy, thats all you need in life, if thats all i had i would be a happy guy

nope i'm not married i'm 14, i find the only release to my anger is music, but when i go into this "pain blind" i cant control it, i am not trying to hurt myself, its the only way i can stop him, then at night, i find my self at 2:00 still wearing my hat and picking out my close and knives that i am going to carry around the next day, recently, my cousing got this girl friend, and she told me she liked me, and i had already had a crush on her for a while, then she called me that same day, and told me that she had liked me for a long time. then today i called her and she said she was going to the park, then called back and told me she wasnt, but i'm way smarter than that, i mean i;m not ***ing stupid!!! she lied to me and was at the park with my cous, witch is ok but she lied to me (BIG MISTAKE) the last time my cous lied to me i picked him up by his neck. also, when i go into this pain blind, is wat i call it, my strenth increases alot, but the scary part is i liked it, the power, a dumpster lid came down on my hand on a windy day and it shoved me violently into painblind and it took me about thirty seconds to rip the lid of that dumster and there were 4 huge bolts holding the lid in the steel body. its intoxicating, like a rollercoster. but after your praying to god to either give you someone or take your life.

ok, i have this thing thats wrong with me, and i feel that if i dont stop the progression that i or others are going to get hurt. this is near impossible to explain with out telling you my whole life story. but i feel so lonely and i cant get a grip,.....i have been changing and i'm not the same person, well i am but theres this other person inside me that wasnt nothing but pain, blood and more, this person kicks in every so often and i get extreamly angry and i cant control my actions, its like when the doc hits you in the knee and your leg kicks, i kicked a person i didnt want to hurt because this person came out and he happened to say something i didnt like. but , he event turns on himself!! I call it pain blind, it comes from the small of my back and into the back of my head and the only way i can keep it from going out of control is to grab the nearest thing to me and drag it agenst my self until i am dripping with blood, if i dont do that i dont know what would happen, i have several scars on my hands an "A" carved in my hand and one time i was unlucky enough to grab wire cutters for my realese and i came 1mm from sliting my wrist, i dont want this thing to turn on other people, like my friends, i almost threw a 3" throwing knife at my cousin just because he fell asleap during a move, but i snaped and threw it at the ground instead. HELp i know you think i'm but i am serious

i have been single for a while now and i cant seem to find a girlfriend!! its not so much asking someone out, although the last person i asked out hated me for it and would'nt talk to me again whats up wit that? well there are some hot girls at school that i would go out with but they always all have girl friends. and when ever a cuit girl comes along and starts flirting with you, you find out a day later that she's with someone. i just cant get a brake and get lonlyer and lonlyer each day. can anyone help?