Matsch22

I can see a glimer of hope in the future, but I wonder how long its gonna take me. I'm tring to stay active and keep busy, hanging out with good supportive friends really helps alot. People who will listen. I found a hobby in playing poker at the bars, but the only problem with that is socially drinking. I'm not much of a drinker. I've found that it helps at the time, but you feel twice as bad in the morning. I hope your right and I come out of this a stronger person. Thanks.

Im writing this to get some support from people who have been there before. Im 27 years old and just recently broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years. Its been 15 days since not talking to her. She is the only person I've ever been in love with or had a relationship with. We were best friends for months before we started fooling around. She treated me like I was the greatest person shes ever met. We wernt really dating at the time, but we had no intrest in seeing other people. It was like friends with benefits. After a few months we were pretty much going out. I knew that she had some baggage in her life, but I didnt care because I was in love. Once she knew we were finally dating and together, things changed. I saw the other side of her. She would give me the mean and sweet cycle. I was verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day she become sweet, doing all those little things she did when we started dating. I was hoping each cycle would be the last, but it wasnt. I was in love and we were happy being together and I loved the way she treated me, but then she would become very "irrationall". Her temper would come out and she would do things she would later apoligize for. Sometimes it was minor other times it wasnt. Sometimes I wouldnt see this side of her for weeks at a time, but it was like I was walking on eggshells. I would see her treat others like this as well and would be embarrassed. I guess after so many years you kind of numb it out and get use to this behavior like i did. This side of her came out almost every time she drank hard liquor...which we both agreed on that she cant handle, but would slip up and happen. Im not sure if I can post a link, but I can relate to every single one of these on this "Loser" topic. "email me for url cant post it here" I know I can sit here and rant about all the bad things, but all that crosses my head day to day are the good things. Her energy, how happy she was to see me when I came home and how her smile could just light me up. Being in her arms and just holding her. Our sexual realationship was great. Even after 5 years. I sit and think about other guys she could be with and if she will be happy with them. Everyone I talk to is gald I am getting out of this relationship. I could go on and on about details. I guess its hard for me because this is my first realtionship and it SUCKS to be alone right now! Usually in the past she tries to call me to make things better or appoligize, but not this time. I have very mixed emotions and I wonder if I will ever find someone who makes me feel loved. I havent seen her since we had our last fight, but I think we both know its over. I think I would breakdown if I saw her with another guy. She would probally do this intentionally to make me jealous and see me missearable. Her son still calls me all the time, but I dont like to answer because I fear that I might here her in the background or hear her laugh or having a good time and that would make this whole process go alot slower. Mornings are the worst! I'm wondering if I should go on medication to get me threw the mornings, but I dont know if that will only give me false emotions and it will take me longer to get through this once I get off them. I could go on and on....I have alot to talk about after 5 years!~ Anything that will help me get throught this

I am in the same situation as you. We just broke up after 5 years! Its been 15 days since talking. I was friends with her for months before we started dating. She was really really into me and treated me like I was her savior. Then I saw the other side of her the "Mean & Sweet cycle". She would cycle from mean to sweet and back again. I was Verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day she become sweet, doing all those little things she did when we started dating. This went on for 5 years. The good times were really good, but its hard to live with someone who acts like this. Its really hard for me to let go.