Frogglet2006

.. i broke up with my lt (5 years) boyfriend in October last year and subsequently have had NC since.. I have worked through my feelings and it is finally fantastic to actually come through all the heartbreak, as i feel so much better for it and see our split as positive as lots of things have come out of it!!!!!!!!!!!! I also am a better person, stronger and because he was my first boyfriend and i went through a pretty rough breakup.. i feel i have learnt so much.. which is so cool!! I feel like i have had a new lease of life and with it.. came a guy.. the first other guy to be a potential interest! I wasnt looking for a guy but we met over the internet and subsequently met up.. and then met up on a regular basis just hanging out etc. I started to "like" him, well, i thought i did.. and told him, to which he was so happy with and declared his feelings. However, he spent the night here.. just chatting.. and in the morning i was confused about my feelings.. this was 2 weeks ago and he has been away and came back.. to which he has spent a couple more weekend nights here (after parties) where it just happened that he assumed he would be sleeping in my bed. He then has become quite "possessive" and is talking about loving me!!!.. also, ringing, txting etc. all the time and is really really clingy.. i.e. wants to do stuff all the time!! and like last night.. i had some friends round for a party and i wanted to stay up and he wanted to go to bed.... so i was like hmm.. well, ok.. but, i obviously haven't done anything more than just a kiss (not even proper kissing) as i dont know how i feel and quite frankly.. when he was trying it on.. I really didn't feel comfortable!!!!!!! He is a nice guy.. really kind, caring.. but smothering me and I dont categorically want a relationship!!.. I tried telling him last night and haven't led him on i.e. played it cool.. when he is "trying it on".. i change the subject or talk about something random!.. aww.. its annoying as i dont want to hurt him as i wanted him as a friend.. not as a relationship!! If anything, it is his friend who I am lusting for.. not this chap and how much of a b**ch does that make me?? but i cant help it!! I am use to having guy friends, but, this guy wants more and i cant give it to him.. so, how do i tell him?? Part of me wants him to get bored i.e. with me not kissing/doing anything with him and he moves on.. and gets someone he deserves (someone who can give him the relationship).. I dont want to break his heart.. but he is talking about loving me and i actually want to just hide!!.. I had been in a relationship for 7 years.. (only 22) this smothering is really choking and I need to get out.. but, without hurting him and remaining friends!!!!!!! The guy is younger than me and not been in a relationship before.. so, he is kind of new to this.. but.. i dont want to hurt him so if anyone has any bright ideas of what i should do??? I cant bring myself to tell him face to face.. so i am kind of waiting for him to ask ... Please help!!.. i dont want to break his heart like i had mine broken!!!!!

Well.. just to update everyone after their kind replies... I have maintained no contact and we haven't spoken or anything. I went on his mates myspace who i still speak to and subsequently saw his new profile pic being him and the blond girl i saw in the photos!! I haven't logged on to his myspace in the whole period... I then scrolled down and was faced with the love messages between them both and subsequent pictures of them both for the whole world to see.. Well.. being faced with that would probably top someone off, however, I feel more shocked and surprised that he obviously had moved on ages ago and it was more than just a "drunken" thing with her.. and that my god.. how nasty could you get.. putting it on your myspace..!! The sad thing was when we were sitting in bed after deciding to remain friends, he promised not to post anything over his myspace when he had found a new girlfriend.. and I thought he genuinely promised.. I can remember his words and face.. because he knew how hurt i would be.. nice hey!! I can only really feel a tad upset he has been inconsiderate and how quick he moved on.. however, its been a fantastic learning curve and truthfully.. i thought it would matter a lot more than what it does that he has moved on.. as, if he could do that to someone like he did to me.. then.. why should i waste anymore thought on him? I worked out for myself that life is too short and whilst i have grieved for our relationship.. I actually want to look forward and am looking forward.. life is well to short and although for a time i thought my life was ended.. its a new beginning and I am looking forward to the future myself and moving on!!!.. It suddenly hits you when you realise that you dont know who or what is around the corner.. and I have now stopped dreaming about the ex strangely since finding this all out!!

Hi everyone, I just wanted to clear my head and really i guess for my own sanity just keep my head clear of things.. after one of the worst moments of my life.. here goes: I was with my ex-boyfriend for 7 years.. we met when we were young and had an amazing relationship, which ended up with the last year being long distance. It was hard, but I coped and it wasn't going to be forever.. he was with his band and I was doing my thing.. then my ultimate hope was to move in with him in the long run back in our home town. Things started to get shakey when he called me one day and said we needed to talk.. said he didn't know how he felt anymore about me and that he thought of me as a mate.. so my heart basically ripped apart and we decided it would be best if we met up and spent a week together back on our homeland.. so, we did and things were brilliant!! He said he knew he still loved me from the moment i walked out the harbour and we had a lovely time. Then it was time to say good bye again, but we decided that I would go and live with him for a month and see how things go.. however, then through the next 4 weeks before i was due to go.. he started not saying "l love you" on the phone.. so neither did I.. for fear he wasn't going to say it back. I felt something wasn't right, and had second thoughts even before i flew back to see him.. but he told me everything would be ok and wanted me to come. That night when we were in bed he told me he didn't love me anymore and basically in a round about way that we should split up. I had travelled 100s of miles and was in his house with his mates.. with know-one to talk to.. apart from him. We decided that after our fantastic friendship that we cant just let go of each other.. so we spent the next 4 days having fun together, going to the cinema, town, shopping.. going out to pubs etc.. and had a great time!!!! We both felt like we could let our hair down and enjoyed each others company. I was hurting so badly inside but wanted so desparately to cling on to him in the hope he could still be in my life somewhere... after being my best mate.. my first love.. and my sole mate for 7 years i didn't see how i could just let that all mean nothing. Things started getting tense so i decided enough and i was going back to my home town.. he offered to pay for my flights etc as he realised it wasn't fair to drag me up there to break up with me, which was the decent thing to do. He then started trying to hurt me by saying things over and over again.. like.. I dont love you.. again and again.. and we started arguing. We spent our last night out for a walk together... then got a DVD and cuddled up to a DVD and ice-cream... i was breaking inside.. just imaginining how could this be happening.. and how could he want to get rid of me.. and most hurtful.. how can another girl be doing this with him..!! We were each others first loves.. and only sexual partners. After the DVD, he decided to go sleep in his mates room.. and I went on the computer.. to which i found pictures of him and his mates on a night out.. then i found some of him and a girl!... so i asked him and eventually he told me he had cheated on me with her. About a month ago.. I hit the roof and just wanted to hurt him, so i took it out on him and his things.. I just couldn't take any more heart break as he was so casual and said he wasn't going to tell me. we had gone through all this and he just wasn't going to say anything about it!!!.. I went mad, a side which I am never going to let out again.. ever.. but in the moment i ripped his chain I had given him and regretfully took it out on his belongings and him. All his mates in the house and i must have looked like a right fool.. crying into their shoulders about splitting up.. and them knowing he had cheated on me. So, after i calmed down, I composed myself and slept on his floor.. in the morning i got up, got ready.. went out with my suitcase as i booked my taxi.. and I got a text message.. a bloody text message saying "i hope you find happiness".. so i went back to ask is that all i get.. and I then couldn't find anything else to say to him.. I couldn't even look at him. Although I can remember it so vividly.. I was waiting outside in the cold.. with him standing their in his boxes and t-shirt.. trying to make eye contact.. but I just couldn't.. the taxi arrived and i got in.. i still couldn't look or say anything. I text him a couple of days later as I was in a mess.. waiting for doctors tests and really needed him.. no reply. That was it for me. I stayed with close friends who helped me cope, find a bit of dignity in myself and gave me a path to follow to cope. I have had the support of friends who live away from me, but at the end of the phone/email.. and most importantly my family. I have since not heard anything (we split 6 weeks ago now).. and I have sent just 3 messages on one day about a month ago.. and I returned his chain fixed also about 3 weeks ago.. still nothing from him. I have been busy and keeping myself busy.. trying to push any memory of him from my life. I am actually finding myself getting stronger and when ilook back now I have come a long way in healing. I haven't cried for a couple of weeks now which is amazing for me.. although I am still feeling very bitter.. hurt.. upset.. most importantly confused. I am confused as he hasn't tried to make contact.. not even to say Hello or build a bridge?! How can that happen after 7 years?? This is what hurts right now. The fact he doesn't care and I went to post on his mates myspace the other day and see that he is having a fantastic time.. as by his posts he was saying things like .. I am always out now at this bar and that bar.. cheap beer.. having parties and his life is all fun and games now!!.. Just like he doesn't give a * * * * at all.. like he has wiped me completely. I can handle him finishing with me.. i can handle him cheating.. but cutting me off and not bothering to make any effort in reconciling.. that is what has let me realise that he isn't worth any thought anymore.. which is hurting me as I am actually finding myself moving on.. but i dont want to. I now am focusing on what I want.. what my dreams and aspirations are.. but, when i do.. he always pops up.. and I keep pushing him out. Everyone tells me he isn't worth it and the guy he is now is far from the guy I once loved.. and that is horrible to say to. i dont know if i still love him... i feel like i dont even know him now.. who he is now.. I was meant to be going back to my home town in the New Year.. I have since found out he is going back for 2 months too.. and I dont want to go back now as I couldn't face bumping into him.. seeing him with a new girlfriend or anything.. I am a strong person.. although bottling it up. I see it that I am wanting my old relationship back.. want to hurt him.. but, at the same time want him back in my life.. although, Do I? After hurting me so bad.. I guess, I want to know how he is feeling.. deep down?? but i dont know.. I feel so good in that I have not lingered on, texting.. emailing and calling.. and have been so good in that I haven't visited his myspace to see what he is up to at all!! lol.. (Oh I was deleted from his actually) I feel a bit better now i have this off my chest.. I was alright to begin with as I have found a great inner strength from looking at what I want in life.. and also, realising I didn't deserve to be cheated on.. dragged 100s to have my heart broken.. then tossed aside by someone i thought was my best pal and soul mate for 7 years of my life.. the memories are fading as i dont want them. All his presents, cards.. love letters are all tucked up in a box.. part of my past life.. but this is what I think isn't healing well.. my memories and longing for him in my life.. but in our old relationship not the long distance crap we were doing.. although if he cant even be bothered to contact.. then I guess it is time for me to move on. I gave him 6 weeks.. its christmas soon.. i at least thought we would meet back up then. My first christmas without him.. however, I have since learnt there are more things to life and loving yourself is the most important thing. I have gone on.. you probably will be asleep or think I am a lunatic, but i haven't opened up in all this time.. i feel better now and look forward to your replies... at least even now i dont feel so alone as if everyone around me is a couple!!!!! Thank you for reading and any helpful advice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx