lindasgirl

Ok, so here's the thing. One of the issues that I'm continually struggling with in regards to the death of my mother is the fact that I got married almost five months ago and my children will never know my mother. I have gotten a journal and have started to write random rememberances of my mother in it so that my children will hopefully be able to feel they know her through my memories. It's hard to write them because right now the memories are painful but at the same time it is theraputic for me and I feel like I will be glad I did it. I want to do more than this but my creativity is failing me. What else can I do to create something lasting for my children? I'm fairly crafty and I am not afraid to undertake a project that's going to take me awhile. I'm just searching for some ideas. Anybody have any good ideas?

Thanks to everyone who replied. I definitely feel better thinking that I'm not turning into some raging shrew who is unbearable to be around. The worry stems from the fact that my grieving process is completely different for my mother than it was for my little brother. I suppose that shouldn't be surprising to me. My mother died suddenly at age 57 and my brother was in the hospital for three weeks before he died at 22. The relationship is different, the ages are different and the amount of time I had to sort-of "get used" to the possibility of death is different. I don't remember having these strong feelings of jealousy and rage when Matt died. Thanks for the suggestions. I have taken steps to get into a loss support group and I have addressed the issue with my husband. Apparently I haven't been as adept at hiding these feelings as I thought I was. When I started to tell him that I thought I was having some anger issues surrounding the death of my mom, his response was to feign shock and say, "Oh, really? I hadn't noticed." He thinks he's cute. Good thing he really is or I'd have had to take him down! This, too, shall pass. I'll get through it - one day at a time.

I recently lost my mother. She died suddenly and it has been very hard for the surviving members of my family to cope but I feel as though I have been doing fairly well. Kubler-Ross says that there are five stages of dying and it has been suggested that the same stages exist for those of us who are grieving the lost of a loved one. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Until now, I have been firmly entrenched in Stage 1. Even though I know she is dead, I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'll never see her (at least in this life) again. Here is my problem - I have begun to experience a new range of emotions. I don't know if I'm moving into stage 2 or if I'm simply losing my mind. I'm irrationally jealous of people who still have two living parents - even my husband! He was there with me every step of losing my brother three years ago and he has been with me every step while I'm coping with the loss of my mother. I don't know why I am feeling this way but I sometimes feel this compulsive need to screech at him about how he can not possibly know what I'm feeling and that he needs to leave me the hell alone - but all he's trying to do is help. I also find myself shying away from people who have always been close friends and gravitating towards people who, like me, have lost a parent at a youngish age. Is this normal or do I need to address this?

I empathize with you, Sugar. My mom died suddenly on August 25th, 2006. Everyone grieves differently and no one has the inside track on the "right" way. I have to agree with MacGyverRI - it will come. But even if it doesn't, I know that your grief is no less than mine and I can't seem to STOP crying. Don't try to tailor your grief to anyone's expectations - you grieve for yourself, not for others. You may not feel like you're grieving yet but you are. That empty feeling that you describe is grief. If you need to talk, please feel free to email or PM me. *hugs* -Lucy