BrokenHeart82

Sorry guy, i say dont do it..not yet.

You are feeling better, but far from healed and that is what NC is for, first and foremost..for you to heal.

Right now a week feels like the biggest thing ever but its a drop in the bucket. Right now I say just back off and give yourself time.

Even this simple gesture could very much BACKFIRE.

Case in point..my ex and i had been apart for 6 weeks...I invited him for lunch..he BLEW UP at me..

Well this is my favorite favorite pizza place so keeping my relationship with the food is more important then dating the hot guy out front

Still it felt good to be flirty with someone (and to be noticed when i looked so horrible!) Little things sometimes ya know?

I hope this is in the right place...

So there is a pizza place accross the street from me and a really cute man works there..probably 26 or 27 and im 24.

Yesterday I ordered a pizza and i always order for pick up (they dont deliver)..so I go over there..no makeup, dressed pretty casually.

The guy gets me my food and then asks how my New years was. I smile and say "It was decent, and yours?" He responds "I had a good time"...and is smiling at me so i continue with "I actually just got back in town this morning"

Him: "Oh really whered you go"

Me: "I went to DC for the weekend with some friends"

Him: Really?? I was in Baltimore.

Me: Well im glad you had a good time, we thought about going to Baltimore, but more people wanted DC

Him: So which one would you recommend

Me: Depends what youre looking for

Him: You know..partying

Me: Well Baltimore is good for the partying, DC is I guess a little..swankier

Him: Oh ok, I getcha. (the whole time hes just really looking at me and smiling)

Me: Well i oughta get this back

Him; well I hope i see you in soon

So he was flirting? Or just talking? Either way, ego boost that i needed.

Thanks!

Sexysadie...I think you should really get away from this guy. I dont know how long youve been seeing him but not even letting you know hes cancelling plans is middleschool BS if you ask me. You deserve much better!!

My guy never didnt follow through..if he said he'd call he did, if he said we'd get together, we did...but he was very foot dragging in the getting together part. If i ask you out i would like a guy to either say yes, or if he cant just say "you know what im really busy this week, but id love to get together next week"

What he did was drag his feet, then had to cancel anyway..but he did give me advance notice..he wasnt rude about it. Im not making excuses for him..but im not going to badmouth a guy for things he didnt do

So hes had more then moments of giving me hope...but in the end, his focus right now is on work and im going to step back and respect that and refocus myself.

If he does come back around, i think he'll respect the fact that i knew when to back off and let him focus on his job.

Well it seems like you know a little about Leos...heres the thing..Leo women tend to be high strung (i am one) and sometimes we really arent good at accepting teasing.

I have to keep myself in constant check over this because sometimes ive been with a man and been fuming mad and realized after asking a friend that im being way too sensitive.

The good news is you guys gave eachother years to breathe and after all is said and done you like one another.

However, he does have a girlfriend and you trying to get into that tangled web is disrespectful.

My best friend dated a guy 5 years ago, he cheated on her and they broke up. After a year he came back and she wouldnt give him her forgiveness.

Another two years passed and she decided she would let him in as a friend and they kept contact every couple months or so.

Finally this year she realized she still had strong feelings for him, but he had a girl at the time. She told him flat out that she still had feelings for him and he confessed he'd thought of her all these years as the one who got away. She didnt interfere with his relationship though, kept her distance and within a few months he came after her.

Theyre now engaged.

So just keep your distance right now, this has to be his decision as he is the one with a girlfriend.

Hi there!

I dont think theres any problem with ring shopping with your girlfriend to get a feel for what kinds of rings appeal to her. You could make it a very stress free day.

Proposals arent THAT surprising in that I think both the woman and the man kind of know when theyve reached a point where this is a possibility.

SO maybe on a Sunday afternoon, hit a few different places, and have her point out styles she likes. Make a day of it and have a romantic lunch or dinner together too.

I think the meal together makes it nice because even though shes walking out of the jewelry store without a ring, she still has a lovely time with you.

The actual proposal should be a surprise though, and go for something romantic but not too cheesy.

Maybe on a romantic weekend at a bed and breakfast?

Well my instinct tells me that I had a normal reaction in that I simply asked him if we could see eachother. I wasnt nasty about it in any way.

Maybe he didnt contact me because he thought i was angry..but now I HAVE spoken to him and made it clear that we are cool.

Sooooo if he wants to persue something, he can but I have stated my case and im moving right along.

SOme weird things though is he made it a priority to talk to me, even when his cell broke, he went out of his way to talk to me. He made sure to always email me, text me, etc

Up until last week is the only time he actually cancelled a date and he offered to come later but i said thats ok cause he was busy.

Thank you everyone,

I have decided to completely back off and take my goods elsewhere ALthough he didnt get sketchy until probably a month in, he got sick and was himming and hawing about our date, he did come out though.

In any case, if it were anything to him he would make time, even if it was just a how are you text or a quick check in phone call. The Christmas thing DOES bother me because we may have had a tussle, but it wasnt a fight, and certainly not a big enough thing to blow off someone for several days over a huge holiday.

I wont be texting or calling or emailing.

Yeah definitely...i dont want to crowd him when hes just trying to make sure things are successful for him. I wouldnt want someone clinging to me if I was trying to be ambitious.

I just wasnt sure if it would be rude not to just say happy birthday.

Oh yeah, i was going to call him on his birthday to say hello...or should i just let him be the one to contact me?

FOr the men out there, ladies opinions welcome as always too

Man very involved in work, recently (legitimately) more busy with end of year things. Attempted to show your interest by admitting you feel like a nag to spend time together. He says hes busy and also he doesnt know how to make you happy with the relationships pace.

After 3 days, contact is reinitiated and hes flirty and teasingly says he missed you ohh a little bit during the not talking thing.

So in this case i have now made my own new years plans since he never mentioned anything. His birthday is early January...

SO my question is..has he completely lost interest or is there anyway to bring it back up to par for after his busy season.

Ok so basically for right now back way way off, do my thing and should he come back around be positive with whats happening.

Its just that he seemed to indicate he wanted to see me more and wanted me to initiate talking more.

I think he is still into me as he is being flirtatious and such...but for now ill back away and if someone else comes along i will see where it goes. I like him and if he wants me he knows how to reach me.

Well up until last week I wouldve said yes definitely he's into me...but then he reacted really weirdly last week and then we didnt talk for 4 days...but then he seemed really happy to hear from me

Should I just back off completely? He told me he didnt know how to make me happy and not compromise his views.

Well he IS really busy...and things were probably a little consuming (we would talk on the phone for hours every time)

Whats weird is after about a month he said he liked me and had told me many times and id blown it off but id never told him i liked him, so i told him that yes i did like him and had a good time hanging out with him. He even said "I just have such a great time just hanging out with you even if we do nothing."

He also mentioned that he always texted me first.

SO I tried to be more proactive, a few days later i suggested a date and i texted him (not obsessively, but i would text him first a few days thats week)

Still though it annoyed me that he wouldnt just say no i cant make it, how about this day..instead he hemmed and hawed. I met numerous friends and they are were excited to see me and several said how he'd talked so much about me.

I dont think i was snippy, just thinking if he asked me for exclusivity he should be willing to spend time together. I never dropped the Friend bomb..just resolved that if thats all it was id be okay.

I do like him though, we have chemistry and alot in common. I appreciate his ambition..just wondering if he's lost interest or just is caught up.

Ok, met a guy on eharmony about 2 months ago, went through the getting to know you phase in 2 days, emailed for about a week, and then talked on the phone. He asked me out on a date for the following week.

The first date was really really sweet with alot of thought behind it and the next week we saw eachother twice and just had such a great time talking and such, still emailed daily, spoke on the phone several times a week. After about two weeks he hinted at us just dating eachother.

He made reference to us being very in tune with eachother, and seemed blown away by some of the things i said.

Then work seemed to get increasingly busy, but at the same time i was triyn got see him more which he agreed he'd like.

Well last week we got in a texting war though neither of us lost our temper. He cancelled a date due to work (i wasnt mad about this) but I was upset that he'd drug on the whole week himming and hawing if we'd be able to get together. He said work is just very busy. I told him that i know he's busy but he needs to put forth a little effort. He didnt respond, didnt even say hello over the holidays, and we didnt talk for 4-5 days.

Finally i texted him that i missed talking to him, because i decided id like to at least have him as a friend because we got along. I asked if we were friends again and he said of course. So we texted back and forth, he was flirtatious, i ended the texting.

The next day i again initiated texting and he was flirty again and when i asked if i was still in the girl running he laughed and said yes.

So what is going on? Is he just busy..should I just stay low key? Is he interested at all?

Have you considered that maybe she bought the dog because she felt like she needed to get you something else but had no idea what to get?

Look at it this way...the calendar was probably her main idea for Xmas, but she wants to get you a couple more things. Soooo she remembers you liked that sweater. Now to a GUY it might seem silly to have two nearly identical sweaters but to a woman..perfect sense. Me and my friends are guilty of, when finding a shirt we LOVE, buying it in 2 colors.

So she has two gifts she thinks you'll be into but is trying to find you something else to open..she stumbles accross this cute dog and decides to give you this little something (which turns out to be a BIG something).

Just a theory...

As for the lingerie thing...sounds like you got her a thoughtless gift. If you were going to get her lingerie you couldve at least gotten her something she could wear after that day!

Ok, im a woman so dont get mad at me here!!

You CANNOT depend on someone else to make you happy when you are sad...this is wayyyyy wayyyyy too much pressure to put on someone you say you love.

Have you tried seeing it from his perspective? Maybe he got mad because he was hoping for some encouragement from YOU when he couldnt stay the full 21 days. Instead you immediately thought of you...so let me ask...if you think of you and you want him to think of you..who thinks of HIM??

During this thinking you say you are about to do, I sincerely suggest that you stop and think of how he must be feeling during these arguments over his insensitivity.

I know i cant really hedge my bets with this...but i guess im trying to get the opinion of the board on if his actions indicate any kind of chance

So long story short, ex and I broke up in September. After a couple weeks, I went into NC for 5 weeks, despite numerous attempts by him to contact (14 emails, 1 text). Finally we exchanged a few emails and then i decided to ask him to lunch...he blew up at me basically accusing me of seeing my ex and saying hes seeing someone else. I didnt respond to this email and went NC...6 weeks later he emails.

The email said that he thinks of me everyday, looks at my myspace page daily, and that i was a great girl..but he guesses something mustve been missing because he often felt he didnt fill my needs.

I waited a week and wrote back "Im glad youre doing well, i hope Christmas brings you everything youve been wishing for"

Then last night almost posessed i sent him a text a minute before midnight and just said "Merry Xmas *****"

This morning he sent me back a text wishing me a merry xmas and calling me his old pet name for me.

Is there any hope here? I miss him so much and though ive been on dates, was even in a 6 week relationship..i keep coming back to him, how it felt right with him.

The dates are with new people...people who have been wanting to have some of my time but i am a believer if you tell someone you're dating them, you dont date others.

But obviously this man isnt willing to even compromise with me soooo the ball is in his court and i am moving on!

I actually have a date tomorrow, nothing serious...just having some pre xmas fun

If he was into me, he'd be calling, wanting to make plans..etc, etc

He complained i didnt show that i was into him, that he wasnt sure i liked him, and wanted exclusivity...and then i dont think i was pushy...just asking for some plans and hes unwilling to compromise..onward and upward.

Ok Ive been posting about my confusion with this new guy:

Last night i try to tell him that i feel like a nag to see him and he just says everyones been saying that (friends, etc) and he's just very busy with work right now. He tells me im not as busy as him..maybe so..OR maybe it seems like im not as busy because i make it a priority to MAKE TIME FOR HIM.

Anyhow i say i like him and id like to see him to get to know him and he says to have patience..so i say id have more patience if i knew what was going on with us. Valid question right? Apparently not..he says its been 6 weeks and he feels like i want a marriage agreement! ?? So i try to call and he wont pick up ...he actually wants to continue this convo via text message!

I tell him that him not taking the call is insulting, that the text messaging screams defeatist, and i dont want a marriage agreement but that if you want to know someone you both must expend some effort.

He says that he is sorry he cannot expend effort my way this second and that hes very sorry if i want things faster then he does but he doesnt know how to make me happy without compromising his views. Thats the last i heard...i took him off my phone, spammed his email, off myspace...

I mean after two weeks this guy wants to make sure im not seeing anyone...hes asking for exclusivity but IM the one wanting to move too fast because i think if youre exclusively dating one person, you see them, plan to see them, etc..not this maybe, maybe not !

If we are still at this point where we arent BF/GF, it isnt a given we'll get together..i think i should still be expected to be seeing others until he's ready to step up and be a man, make plans, follow through, etc!

Did I mention ive turned down 3 different guys since ive been with this one???

Was he ever into me, still is? Busy with work orrrr?? Either way im moving on, enjoying my holiday

Well...it sounds like you're putting way too much pressure on sex...making it seem like thats all your interested in. I am not your girlfriend but I think id feel put off by you too...because it seems you think that every pleasant happening should be culminated with sex.

We had a good time...and then i tried to have sex.

We had drinks...and then i tried to have sex.

How about having a good time just to have a good time with her???

The TMJ thing...sorry bro..shes pulling out the major BS here....TMJ exist...it isnt painful...most people mis-self-diagnose TMJ...but in her case sounds like she just doesnt want to blow ya! Maybe youve been pushy about this is the past too??