BrokenHeart82

We're about two months in...and at first he was calling and texting frequently every day. Up until he asked me to be his girlfriend and until i met his family and stuff. Its like he took big steps and then immediately shrunk back.

i should mention he has an infant son and is having custody issues with the mother right now.

WHy is the first few months always the hardest? I think its probably because when something is BRAND new you know that any day it can poof..when something is more settled after 6-7 months you can chill a bit.

Anyhow I wrote yesterday about wont prematurely say I love you man. Well yesterday when we parted he said he'd text me later in the day and then asked me about coming by his parents this weekend. i said "we'll talk about it later." cause we had to iron out arrangments and he had to leave for work.

Yesterday..no text, no call, no anything..no sweat?

Today...I decided i would contact him to say hi

Me: "Miss me yet

Him (1 minutes later) Yeah

Me: "Hows your day going so far? I was thinking I could pop in Sunday on my way to the beach."

Him: K

Me: So ill need your dads address or directions. If you dont want me to thats ok?

Him: Text you in a bit.

This was 45 minutes ago...what the hell is going on here?

He persues me, then wants me to be his GF..I say lets wait a day and talk tomorrow..then he wants exclusivity but not the BF GF label. Saw eachother Friday and Tuesday into Wednesday. Invites me to his parents and over the following weekend as well. BUt then not a word from him yesterday or today and then short responses?? I just dont know whats going on and if someone could shed some light id appreciate it!

Yeah youre probably right..he probably didnt want to end up in hot water which is why he said that he likes me but wont be telling me he loves me (still a little tactless)

So do I now have to let him know I WASNT fishing for an I love you or did the way I handled it cover my bases??

Well now I feel like he thinks I was trying to turn our morning get ready ritual into a love fest lol and I ws just trying to relive a funny anecdote I thought he'd enjoy.

I guess what bothers me is that instead of just laughing he had to say how he isnt saying that to me anytime soon..i mean SLAP!

This morning Im getting ready for work (I stayed over the guy ive been seeing for a couple months pretty casuallys house).

A few days ago my friend (male) who is getting married in the summer told me that the first time he told his now fiancee he loved her it was a joke (she had made him dinner and bought him his fave beer) but she took it seriously and he said "wasnt much I could say after." Its funny BECAUSE he soon did love her and is now marrying her.

Anyhow this morning we were joking and I told him this story cause I found it funny..he laughed and then said that he had said I love you on accident too soon in the past. i said we probably ALL have in our younger days.

THEN he says "I wont be telling you that anytime soon"

I couldnt think of what to say, i mean I wasnt hinting at this at all, did he think I was? So I said "Well, good, i wouldnt want you to tell me something you didnt mean" And then I said that in my last relationship things went too fast and after 3 weeks he said it but I couldnt return the feelings because that takes time (obviously nervous and babbling!)

His next comment is "With my luck you'd be like 'you love me or love love me?'

Then he laughed and was like "Lets just say I LIKE you" and I said "Sounds good"

Did I handle this ok? I mean I felt like I was scrambling..and what the heck does it mean I wont be telling YOU that anytime soon..am I some unlovable oaf or something??

Personally im impressed that you invest 5 hours in and she still isnt happy. Do you prioritize your time together (meaning when you see eachother in person?)

Sess...

Women sometimes have a concept of this that is very different from a mans.

How long have you been together? DO you call/text/email her or does she usually initiate contact or dates? This could be her feeling second.

Well he had told me that me being his girlfriend is something he'd been wanting for awhile and i said how come you didnt just ask. It was late and I said lets talk about it tomorrow. Even after saying hes not sure about GF status, he wanted exclusivity.

Im not saying that it matters what friends and family think...but why would he mention it to me if it wasnt important to HIM? And for his friends to say im not a plan B and to know about me means hes talking about me in a positive light.

Also i have a suspicion that it was actually him who admired my interaction with his son moreso then the coworker, but he used the coworker thing as a way to say what hes thinking because maybe he feels sheepish about saying no to the GF thing?

Im just wondering if after this discussion last week him introing me as his girlfriend with the hand squeeze was a way of saying that is what he wants without stirring the pot?

Batya..good points.

I told him that even though he has a gorgeous, wonderful little boy..that its very disruptive for people to be in and out of his world. I felt that needed to be said reguardless.

As for the exclusivity thing..his words last week were "Yes, were exclusive, im not dating anyone else, i dont want to date anyone else, but im not ready for the emotinal ties of boyfriend and girlfriend where all my free time is yours. In the near future, yes thats a possibility"

SO what im saying is after this confrontation is him intoing me as his girlfriend a way of saying i thought about it, and yes thats what i want without it being a big issue.

Last week I wrote about the guy who has been hinting, hinting, hinting at exclusivity and being together, finally last weekend he had said thats what he wants and I needed to think about it a bit. So the next day I asked and he says he wants to take it slow, now isnt sure what he wants, but he wants to be exclusive with me...he isnt ready for the emotional tie of boyfriend/girlfriend.

Let me mention that he has a child, an infant, who he had intro'd me to that night and he also took me to meet his family who knew alot about me (as if he'd spoken highly of me).

Anyhow, at the time I definitely didnt appreciate him messing with my emotions! Over the week we texted and called but less then in previous weeks (he also had the baby most of last week though under hairy circumstances and probably partly because i did less initiating ).

ANyhow Thursday morning he asked if we could get together Friday, we did. We went to dinner and then out for drinks. Three points of interest

1. We had a great time, he was affectionate, telling me how he'd missed me this week.

2. He told me that last week a coworker commented that most of the people at the part we'd attended thought I was the babies mother. Anyhow he said this friend from work asked how i was and he mentioned that we'd had a rough couple of weeks cause "Ive been so busy and havent been able to give her attention the way I should." and apparently this friend mentioned that its not often you find a woman who will come along and care about you AND your child and take care of it like its her own. His parents also apparently gave me high marks.

3. Finally, when we went out for drinks, many of his friends were there (many id met previously) but there were a few new people and to these he intro'd me as "This is my Girlfriend ****" and gave me a squeeze on my hand.

oh sorry theres a 4

4. The one friend teased him (id met this friend before) by saying "well who was that girl last Saturday (i was with him last Saturday btw)" and later when I joked back with this guy about being a plan B he said "why would you say that?? Youre NOT his plan B"

Thoughts?

Well im caucasian, and on the east coast...

Im just curious of what sites people have good/horror stories with

I have used link removed, Eharmony, and Yahoopersonals! I have met someone who I dated at least a few weeks on all three, longest relationship 5 months off of Yahoo.

I was just curious what sites you guys have preferred and had the most success with? Any that you thought were horrid and why??

Wow, 1 out of 8 times is pretty slim pickings! Maybe you should think what you'd be thinking right about now if you liked a guy and 8 different times you suggested getting together but he kept crying busy.

If you like the guy or a subsequent guy....try to keep your life but also make time for them. If you have to blow them off, suggest a followup (i.e. "oh im sorry I cant do Friday night but how about Saturday afternoon?")

b, c, or d...

Ive dated a body builder before..he was OBSESSED with food and working out.

I once had a large guy (not Dom Deluise huge) who was the sweetest thing ever..but I just couldnt find myself attracted to him! I finally realized it wasnt his looks persay..but his lifestyle. We went out twice and had great conversation but he ate really fatty foods (a whole order of mozzarella sticks to himself, large portion of lasagna which he finished, two desserts) and he was trying to push me to eat more!

Selkie,

It sounds to me like he (probably unknowingly) goes after your self esteem because his own is low!

Its one thing for him to say that he would like to lose some weight, or build some muscle but when he involves YOU, im sorry, its rude..no excuses.

Even the most clueless guys know not to mention a girls weight (a cardinal rule).

You are a better woman then me though, let me tell you..had he mentioned what a great bod id have at a different weight I wouldve been polite and then next time he brought it up I wouldve cut him down a peg.

"I ate too much pizza, gotta stop that"

"Yeah youre probably right, once men reach 30 their metabolism really slows and thats where those love handles creep in!"

Hes a jerky guy...either he's happy with you or hes not and if he isnt you deserve better. If he IS he should be telling you how beautiful you are and not how great you'd be if you were the "thinnest girl".

Hi Choco!

I think its normal to have phone anxiety! Maybe it would make you more comfortable if you set a personal time limit for yourself (say 10-15 minutes) and when that time is up politely tell him that you've enjoyed talking to him, but you must go do X,Y,or Z.

Something that a friend once told me is if you have a habit of becoming nervous and then just chattering on about whatever, sometimes regretting it (I do this sometimes!) to jot down a few things to talk to him about before you talk. Maybe a current event you found interesting or something of that nature..this keeps you from searching for things to say and absent mindedly reciting what you had for lunch!

Hope this helps!

How tiny is a tiny amount? If he had the condom on during intercourse and took it off right after you should be fine. The amount of semen varies somewhat between men and also depends on a variety of factors (how long its been, etc).

Most condoms have a resevoir tip which is to catch the majority of semen.

Actually to update..he did text me back at around 4:30..he had been busy with packing and inventory for the mission. He called me at 7, still at work on base and we talked about 20 minutes..alot of joking, he seemed happy to talk to me.

He then had to get back to work. Didnt get home till 9:30, and called me. We talked for about 45 minutes..and without asking he answered my question of why he'd texted this to me in the afternoon.

Turns out he had been trying to overturn this decision to send him and his guys as they just got back a few months ago...no go. Im actually one of the first people he let know which is touching considering we havent been dating long. He wants to get together next week before he leaves and is supposed to call me tonight before his flight for home leaves.

Hes such a good guy, and very brave with this situation...its hard to imagine whats hes facing for a third time...but i intend to keep him in my prayers and hopefully he and I can keep in touch with email and such, though we havent discussed that.

He seemed happy to talk and joke and flirt and i just went by his lead and tried to support how he needed to be supported.

I would think that there is pleasure to be had from a girthy penis as well as a longer penis. If you are truly concerned with pleasing her and afraid the penis wont get the job done...make sure your foreplay is stellar.

Hi all..so for the last couple weeks Ive been seeing a new guy and we get along great, lots of chemistry and lots to talk about. We have been on 3-4 dates this past week and talking/texting.

Anyhow, last night he didnt get home from work until late, seemed down and didnt want to talk about it. He said he'd call me back as he'd just walked in the door. He did call an hour later but i was sleeping after my own long day.

This morning I texted wishing him a better day..3-4 hours later he texted me back telling me that basically he was being sent back overseas (he's in the army) for another 90 day tour.

My heart sank..though Ive only known him for 2 weeks I am concerned about his wellbeing first off and second im a bit heartbroken because I saw potential in us. I texted him back and he isnt sure when he's going but guesses it will be soon. He explained this is why he was so upset last night.

I told him i could understand why and then said that if he wanted company I would be in his area. He didnt respond, but is at work still.

What is my next move? I know he has to be on such an emotional roller coaster right now and i wish there was something I could do so bad. I was really into this guy and honestly 3 months doesnt sound so bad..at the very least I wouldnt mind keeping in touch (they do have access to internet sometimes there).

Should I call him tonight? SHould I just let it be his call? I dont want to smother or seem selfish but I dont want him to think I dont care either. I know this is all soooo new but still he is a very sweet guy who Ive hit it off with and have been enjoying getting to know. He probably has at least a few weeks before he goes...any advice appreciated.

Thanks guys as always...

Depends on the places hes going really

I have been to strip clubs before with friends and even boyfriends..its fun! The music is usually pretty hot, and being open to have that experience with your SO is refreshing!

Now I mean if it was a habit and he was going quite often it might be an issue.

Ive had alot of guy friends from when I was little, have only in the last few years gotten a close female circle..sooo I usually get along well with the guys and their friends.

It is more of a moving past that first couple weeks thing....finding the balance between showing my interest and being tooooo interested and invested too early.

BeeC....I do talk alot but I ask questions about the guy and listen when they talk. I think this non listening thing must be prevalent because ive heard form previous BFs after dating awhile "wow, you were listening" when ill remember something they said weeks back.

What should I be looking for with body language in the first few dates? With the doing stuff I try to listen to things that were both into and try to suggest that..bowling, hitting a movie they mentioned that im curious about, etc.

I think my technique is good..I am good at snagging the second, third, fourth date..but it seems like my expectations start to skyrocket and I can tell its scaring them off as the other poster stated.

I guess mainly I probably just need to calm down and realize that there is no race to the finish line.

A little background..Ive been in 3 serious relationships (6 months plus) with one resulting in living together for several years and engagement. These were my first experiences.

When my long term 5 year relationship came to a mutural and civil close, I gave myself several months before I tried dating. In the past year Ive dated many men, and only had one experience that lasted more then a few weeks. I am smart, attractive, successful, have my own activities and circle of friends, etc...no major character flaws I can spot

Now of course my family and friends do one of two things..the ones who know that im worried that Im never going to find true love reassure me "Youre wonderful, those guys just didnt see it!" The other half who dont know im worried at times think I am a "Buzzsaw" and that im just going through guys like tissues on purpose. Ive been called picky, I think I just have expectations of a man being a gentleman and being true and honest to his word...couple that with treating me with respect and it seems a hard combo to find

ANyhow, here is the question

Beyond just sitting back and letting things unfold..what are some steps I can take in dating to help things get off on the right foot without stomping out the fire before it begins?

Guys what are things that women do early on that have you looking for the door? Girls..what have you done with dating that helps things get to the next level?

Ive heard talk of the stages of dating..I seem to make it to stage 2..the doubting stage or whatever and thats when it falls because I get impatient!

One fault I do have is falling in love with the infactuation stage and becoming worried early on if a day goes by without a call or if a text isnt answered immediately. I have tried to curb this. I think I am a little too Type A for the dating scene

Thanks!

Until you are in a committed relationship, and there is agreed upon monogamy you shouldnt even think about taking the bareback rough ride!

That said, she sounds like she bit off more then you could chew. You thought that by being honest you had nothing to worry about. However, she probably wanted something with you and believed that through time she could change your status.

Shes probably been having these feelings for you for awhile but sitting on them until she couldnt wait anymore..thus the emotional outbursts. Repressed emotions + Alcohol= Basic Instinct-esque freak out.

As for the no BCP...you need to play the waiting game a bit and then get her tested!