shikashika

^^ true.. how can anyone think staying at home looking after one's family is not work!?!?!??!

Sure, if people want to go back to work after the kids are a certain age.

But, I don't see why paying someone else minimum wage to look after one's kids is in anyway superior or less boring or less objectified

well if its someone who knew me.. but just didn't know my address I see nothing wrong with tracking it down..

i agree.. what makes some people happy wont' make others happy..

I'm happy dancing on a beach until 10:00 the next morning.. some people woudl be miserable doing this

One thing I dont' understand about people putting down stay at home mums is that SOMEONE has to look after those kids.. Is the nanny or the daycare worker boring and repressed and objectified?

Why is someone else better suited to bringing up children rather than the mother? ARe they saying their career is more important than brining up children?

and how can looking after kids all day be boring?... kids are only young once..a and for a short time.. When I do have kids I couldn't imagine not being there for them

For some reason my friends think that either women who stay at home are 1. boring. 2. objectified and repressed 3. boring, objectified and repressed.

 

We've had some heated arguments about it and I give up trying to stick up for SAHM.

ha!

I hope to be a stay at home mum..

I have lived and worked in 6 countries, traveled to over 65 countries, hitch-hiked in the Middle East competed at national level sports.. Have an education.. always looking for new jobs, volunteer experiences, enjoy spending time with my friends.. and of course.. my family!!!

If that is boring and repressed, I'd like to know what they find exciting

Because a guy I am just starting to be interested in is the son of a woman who is life long career woman and basically supported her husband.

Im afraid he may also want a woman who is a dual breadwinner/wife/mother.

Im trying to figure out if this is fairly common nowadays.

Also all my friends plan to work forever and look down on SAHM, so they can't really help me out here.

Thats why I need all the lovely people of enotalone to give me clarity. LOL

but ti sounds like YOU don't want a guy like this.

Maybe I'm being biaised.. but I know I certainly wouldn't want a guy who is obsessed with money or being career-driven.. for me its more important that the guy is family and relationship driven.

I dont' know why anyone would look down on stay at home mum's.... event hough they do!!! I highly respect any woman who chooses to do that, despite people ( sorry!) like your friends who put them down for their choices.

I think its one of the most important jobs a woman can do..

A woman going out and working and sending her kids for someone else to take care of?!?! (while paying that woman or daycare some minimu wage?!?!)

I think thats horrible!

i think anyone worth chasing, having.. will not care about your finances, or whether you own a home or not.... those things are irrelevant when it comes to love IMO.

I'm not interested in buying a home anytime soon.. some people are really interested in this type of thing.. but its not for me.

I'd rather spend my money on DOING things rather than BUYING things.. some people can do both... great if they can.. but if i only have option.. I'd rather just rent a cheap ole' apartment... go off and do things.

Your possessions, things, houses can burn down, money can be lost.. but no one can take away who you are and no one can take away your experiences.

Well a lot of people like to feel wanted and needed.. and sex temporarily fixes that

well I dont' really care about a guy's investments, property or how much he earns.. and so I wouldn't want a guy who thinks that hightly of that kind of thing.

I could be wrong.. but it sounds like those things are important to you? I man.. you talk about how much $$ you have in investments and how much you earn.. so I assume you are looking for a guy who that kind of thing is important to as well?

Well it sounds like you not find with this... Do you think tis a deeper issue than just the sex?

She also said that she would be quite happy not living with him.. Depends how much she wants to abide by her parents... The ones who gave her life..

Just because one doesn't depend on one's parents anymore, I don't see that its a reason to go against their wishes.. sometimes its just a sign of resepct.. especially if its cultural

The wedding is only a year away.. so why move in now.. This way your parents will be happy.. and you will be happy too( you said you'd be happy to live without your boyf)

His parents sound unreasonable to me. If he is not receiving financial support from them, I would think he could just tell them that he will continue to see you.

As much as this relationship is not my cup of tea... its not easy to tell your parents where to go and to go against their wishes.... especially when ( as she says in her first post) he has a very high opinion of them

I think we need more information from the OP so we can give her more advice

some people are just flirty... thats how they are..

And you have a history together.. no matter how' just friends' you are.. if you've slept with someone you are still going to think about them in that way a bit

OK then, question to the OP...

do you really think its because you were married previously... or that you have children? or that you are older than him?

Maybe it has nothing to do with this.. and is something else?

check your measurements rather than just your weight.

What you eat is most important.. do you do strength training as well.

It sounds like you are doing the right things.. but now you have reached a plateau.. so maybe you need to move it up a notch to continue with the weight loss.

For example, if someone who is severely overweight decided to cur back on coffee and juice, a dn go for a 1/2 hour walk 4 times a week.. they are going to lose weight.

However, someone who is an athlete, who is used to training 5-6 times a week or more.. if they just go for a 1/2 hour walk they will gain weight.

You say you are not the best eater.. maybe this is whats causing the weight gain.. ARe you eating 5-6 small meals day? Getting plenty of water?

Yea but he obviously doesnt have a problem with that, the parents do.

 

Anyway back to the OP, As others have asked how old are you? and how old is your bf? And I understand that everyone wants to please their parents but alot fo the times you ahve to focus more on pleasing ones self before pleasing anyone else. But you can receive much better advice once we know the ages.

Depends on how much parents mean to someone as well..

not saying its right... or wrong.. but some people would rather please their parents than their SO

I have been on both sides

I think living together before marriage does not prove a thing.

Living together has its benefits ..sure....but I wouldn't do it again...because it

is too much like "playing house". I believe if you're going to live with someone...give it 1,000%.........that includes saying "I do".

 

Yes....it's the old fashioned girl in me.....but I believe in living

with someone..as long as there is a wedding date set.

 

Otherwise.....dating someone, and maintaining your own space insures the same thing you basically have when just "living with" someone....an "OUT"...

Lady Bugg I sooo agree with this...

I like to think im open minded and liberal bla bla bla.. it has nothing to do with sleeping with each ohter....but but one thing is if people are commited to give up their apartment and move in with someone then why aren't they commited to get married?

Living together with no plans of marriage is like saying "I like you... but don't know if I REALLY want to commit to you... maybe lets play for a bit...

because we are not married I can always back out"

Living together is like saying" I like the benefits of having cheaper accomadation and pretending we are married.. but should anything happen where I have to really work at it or if tough times come upon me.. I want outta here'

just the way I see it

yeah if I met a guy, and he didn't invite me over, didn't introduce me to his world.. then I would be worried..

nothing sounds wrong with your world to me

How old are you both?

Even at 29.. I would hesitate about meeting a guy with kids from a failed marriage

Some people are find and dandy with it.. not me

Maybe he feels the need to talk rather than just sitting there in silence

I agree its boring.. tell him nicely.. that if he doesn't have anything interesting to say then sitting there in silence is better!

Nope he has been obsessed with it all is life. He just didn't have access to it. When he got the net he got access.

hmnn..I don't know then.. I can see why a teenage boy may be become obsessed for a little while because its daring and naughty.. but I dont' get it when someone older all of a sudden decides to watch it all the time.. I really don't. i dont' know why one would ever become OBSESSED with porn to the point they compare real relationships to some silly shag they see on a DVD or that they downloaded.

As I've said, porn is good and fun in small doses but I dont' know what its like to let it overtake one's life.

Sorry.. I know thats not the answer you are looking for!

Yes it's that and also I want to retain my sense on self as an amazing person, despite what the world throws at me.

 

So what do you tell aquaintances/ new friends?

well, close friends I told the truth... and I got the usual' what a loser he doesn't deserve you" ( even though I just wanted to find out WHY!!!)... I never found out a reason and still today have no idea why)

other people I said we broke up.. most people I actually told the truth.. and I got the vote because he just broke up with me one day on my 'LUNCH HOUR' with absolutely no reason... so nobody had any sympathy for him.. no one.

jerk.

ha ha.. no I'm kind of over it now.. but what still bothers me is that that loser thought he could do better than me.

Ha!

(no over inflated sense of self. no really. )

No I'm doing no contact. Hes not worth it, I know that now.

 

I don't know if porn was a symptom of a shallow person emerging or whether it was one of the causes.

Personally I don't think porn was one of the causes ( i could be wrong!)

if porn wasn't there, there may have been something else that he woudl have become obsessed with... drink, drugs, spending habits, eating too much junk food etc etc

Anything in moderation is fine, even the drink and recreational drugs, the occasional shopping trip.. but eating too many chocolates can be come a problem too. Chocolate, nor wine nor buying things are a problem... but too much of it is.

Is / Was there anything else in his life he was obsessed with?

Not talking about true friends here. I'm talking about average aquaintances at the pub. New people I meet and so on.

Do you care what they think of you? I would too... a bit...but would those people really ask in detail what happened? because if they don't ask.. you don't have to tell

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

 

Yes. I am worried that people will think I am a fool as my boyfriend dumped me. I know that is irrational.

 

'They will all know he broke up with me.

 

I don't want them to feel sorry for me and I don't want to give him the sick pleasure of knowing he broke me.

this is completely normal.. as conceited as it sounds when my boyf broke up with me.. I thought..

"wait a minute... HE broke up with ME?!?!?!?!?!!

It certainly dented my pride... and bruised my ego..

and i still think of him a bit like that

I found all my friends to be supportive of me ( of course !)

ha ha.. no no caged animal... I do *actually* know of a man or two who doesn't admit to being a porn fiend

p.s don't go overboard on those vodka shots