lawyerboy11

Thanks Cute Band Rat. It sucks, but I really am glad I did it. I'm going to take your advice and lay low and send the occasional email. I already bought her a birthday present (its coming up in about 6 weeks). I'm most likely still going to give it to her, but most likely with just a note that says Happy Birthday and nothing else. I've already spent the money and she will enjoy it, so why not. In the meantime, I am going to try to start dating others and continue improving myself. I appreciate all the advice that this forum has given me. It's great to know there is somewhere one can go to get good sound advice and that people who don't even know you are caring enough to help. lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

I went up and talked to her today at lunch. Just casual conversation. Then I asked her to lunch on Sat. She said she has a bridal shower that day. She is going to her parents house for Father's Day on Sunday. I brushed it off like it was no big deal and talked a while longer. She told me how she was going to be busy next weekend too because she had an out of town party to go to and then her friends were coming into town. No big deal. So, before I left I asked if it would be easier to meet one day this week for lunch. Again, she has plans already for tomorrow and Friday. I know for sure that tomorrow's plans are legit, I assume Friday's are as well. She said maybe next week. Sounds to me like she isn't really that interested or she would have made a point to figure out a time and she said maybe next week to soften the blow. It sucks, but I am glad I did it. I never let her see that I was upset by it and continued to act happy and confident. I guess it is time to re-implement NC. If she calls for lunch next week great, but I am not expecting her too. I feel better for having tried, but of course it sucks to be turned down. Maybe this is exactly what I need to get myself moving past her. Only time will tell. lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

The short and skinny of it is that I went to a function where she was Friday night. I intended to talk to her there casually and follow up with a call this week. When I got to the event, I saw her, but didn't go up to say hello right away. I didn't want to look too anxious. So, I grabbed a drink and sat down with some friends. She left within an hour. So, fast-forward to last night. I called her and she did not answer. I saw her at work today and she asked me if I had needed anything and I said no and that I just wanted to how she's been... She responded "after you ignored me Friday night?" I tried to explain that she was talking to a group of people when I got there and didn't want to intrude and that I had planned on talking to her later that evening, but she left early. Anyway, she had to get to a meeting and told me to have a nice day. As you know from this thread, I have been wanting to see if she will meet me for lunch this weekend. I'm not sure where today leaves me. Should I call again tonight? Should I go to her desk and strike up a conversation? Should I just let things be for a few days? I don't know. I guess it is good that she took notice of me on Friday, but bad that it apparently upset her. lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

Sorry, I forgot to answer a couple questions you posted. There is a website that I have found helpful in discussing how each type of anti-depressant works and the side effects of each. (link removed. With insurance, my meds (I take 2 different ones) run about $30/month.

I'm not going to say that meds are right for everyone, but they have been a life-saver for me. It took several years to find the combination of meds to work for me. But, once I found it, it was a whole new world. I had always been shy and anti-social. I stayed in the back of rooms away from people and stayed home often just staring at the ceiling. Whenever any small thing went wrong, I would sink into a deep depression that lasted months at a time. But, now that I have finally found the right meds for me, I feel great. I have energy and motivation. I've lost weight, done better at work, and just been feeling better all together. I recommend you talk to a P-doc to discuss your symptoms and see what he/she thinks is right for you. As far as side-effects, after the first couple weeks they all subsided.

Bobo- I understand what you are saying, but I am interesting in seeing her again and that is indeed why I posted under getting back together. Your signature says it all to me "When there is nothing else to do...go NC". Well, right now I believe there is something else to do. I have taken the time and space and improved and gotten in touch with how I really feel about the situation. I think in cases like mine, people need to take a shot, even if they fail, just to know that they did all they could. If I fail, then I have some closure. If I never try, I'll always wonder. It sounds as if you NEVER recommend any attempt to get back together. I think rnorth and chai714 have it right. I will call and depending upon the conversation decide at that time whether to ask her to meet me for lunch this weekend. Thanks, lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

Does anyone have advice on how to break NC? I have been doing NC for almost 6 weeks with my ex. It really helped me in the sense that I feel much more confident and happy with myself. However, it also allowed me to realize that I really do want to be with her and not that I just wanted to be with SOMEONE. I know many of you don't recommend breaking NC ever, but I feel like I have to give this at least one more shot. I don't think I would ever be ok with myself if I don't because of the "what ifs". Even if I end up getting hurt and set back a little, at least I will have known that I tried as best I could. Anyway, we work in the same building together, but very rarely run into each other unless we mean to. I know that in person connections are easier to make and more powerful, but I don't know about talking to her at work. I think I should probably call. But, I don't really know how to go about it. It seems very weird to me to just call after not talking for 6 weeks. Anyone have advice for breaking the ice? I just want to ask her out to a casual lunch to let her see how much I have improved. I won't have to tell her, she will notice (the change has been that dramatic). FYI, we left on good terms, she just thought we weren't right for each other because I was really stressed and depressed and she didn't know how to help me, which made her feel bad about herself. I have done therapy and am on anti-depressants and feel really good now. Thanks, lawyerboy Flower Mound, TX

I showed up with my friends about an hour or so after the function got started. She was standing right by where we had to go, but she was talking to some other people. I sat down and talked to some people and was waiting for the right time to go up and talk to her, but she left within an hour. So, basically the night was pretty anticlimactic. I guess one day early this week, probably Tuesday, I will ask her to lunch for Saturday. It seems really awkward to just call out of the blue after 6 weeks of NC. Does anyone have advice about how to do this without it seeming just really weird? Thanks, lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I definitely plan to keep things light and just see how things go. I have some friends that will be there with me so I can sneak out if I start to lose any kind of control over my emotions. I really appreciate your responses and will let everyone know how it went. Lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX

My ex and I dated about 7-1/2 months. During the last couple of months I got very stressed due to pressures from grad school, buying a new home, and new responsibilities at work. I was tired a lot, stopped exercising (time constraints), and began to take any little comment the wrong way. After 6 weeks or so of this, it got to the point that even when we tried to have a good night, we were both so over-sensitive to everything that we couldn't. So, she called it off. She had decided that she just wasn't the right person for me because she wasn't sensitive enough. She also said that I hadn't really been making her feel that I was attracted to her enough (by initiating). I told her to give me some time to get back on my meds (I suffer from depression) and get through the semester and things would get better again. She was not willing. So, I cried and told her I'd never get over it, etc. and that we couldn't be friends because it would be too hard. For the first couple days I acted like this. Then, I started NC and have only seen her once in 36 days. During that very short conversation we just made small talk. I am supposed to see her this weekend at an alumni function. I have taken the past month to lose 15lbs, read a couple of self-help books, get back on my medication, and generally make myself a better person. I have basically done everything that I ever told her I was going to do. I am at a place now, where I would really like to date her again. I feel that I am in a much better frame of mind. I plan to show up looking good and feeling good. Maybe talk to her for a couple of minutes and then leave early. As long as that goes well, I plan to ask her to go to lunch with me next week. I don't want to scare her away. At the same time, I want her to know that I am attracted to her. So, I don't really know how to act around her. Should I tell her she looks great, or should I just act happy and like I hadn't noticed? The closer this weekend gets, the more nervous I get. Unfortunately, she is the type of person who is very strong and would be hard pressed to change her mind once she's made a decision. I realize that the odds are against me. I even realize that she may show up with someone. But, she is worth the risk to me. Does anyone have any advice about how to approach this weekend? Any advice for breaking NC to ask her to lunch? Thanks, lawyerboy11 Flower Mound, TX